December 12, 2024

Best tips for the return to work after your second baby

You made it through the first maternity leave and the monumental return to work after baby number one. But now, you’re facing the second return, and let’s be real—it’s a whole new level of chaos. Two kids? Twice the love, but also twice the exhaustion. The balancing act you perfected the first time is now cranked up to 11. Suddenly, you’re juggling the needs of two little humans, work, and let’s not forget—some semblance of your sanity.

The return to work after maternity leave is hard enough the first time around. Add a second baby into the mix, and suddenly you’re managing a whole new level of chaos. If you’re a working mom staring down the barrel of full time (or part time) work with a crying baby on one hip and a toddler tugging at your leg, you’re not alone. This article will help you plan your return to the working world in a way that preserves your mental health, minimizes stress, and, dare I say, allows you to thrive.

Let’s dive into the nitty-gritty, no-fluff realities of this monumental transition—and how to handle it like the amazing mom you are. Burnout can feel inevitable when working moms return after a second maternity leave but it doesn’t have to be this way. Let’s dive into why returning after your second baby is so much harder and how you can keep burnout at bay to start, before we move onto some exercises to reframe your worries, and some practical tips to ease the transition as you return to work.

About the author:

Dr Claire is a doctor and careers coach specializing in helping working moms navigate life transitions with grace and humor. As a mom of two herself, she’s passionate about empowering women to prioritize their mental health and create a fulfilling balance between work and home life. Her first book, The Burnout Doctor, is being published in January 2025! It is packed full of advice, practical tips and exercises to help you manage your stress better, and reduce burnout. You can also sign up for her weekly email newsletter here.

Why the return to work After Your Second Maternity Leave Is So Much Harder

Double the Children, Double the Chaos

If you thought the transition from zero to one child was tough, the shift from one to two can feel like you’ve been thrust into an endless juggling act. Managing the logistics of two kids—navigating daycare drop-offs, doctor’s appointments, and, oh yes, sleep schedules—is like being in a high-stakes game show where the grand prize is…exhaustion. And the mental load? It’s now in overdrive.

Less Time for Yourself

With two kids, any shred of “me-time” you once had is probably non-existent. There’s less time to recharge, and you’re more likely to put your needs on the back burner. Combine this with the pressure of returning to work, and burnout becomes a serious risk.

Workplace Challenges

Returning to work after a second maternity leave often feels different from the first time around. Maybe your responsibilities have shifted, or you’re working in a different capacity (hello, part-time hours). You may feel the pressure to prove yourself all over again, and with the added responsibility of two children, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the expectation to “do it all.”

The “Motherhood Penalty,” Round Two

There’s no denying that working moms face bias in the workplace—often referred to as the “motherhood penalty.” With two kids, the stigma can feel even stronger, as employers may assume you’re less committed or less available for career advancement. This unfair pressure can make you feel like you have to work twice as hard to keep up, adding fuel to the burnout fire.

You’re a different person

Motherhood changes you, and going back to work after a second child means navigating a new emotional state, new priorities, and a redefined family unit.

The logistics are wild

Two kids mean more daycare costs, more planning, and way more time spent prepping for the day ahead. (How do those little people need so much stuff?)

Separation anxiety—on both sides

It’s not just your new baby who cries when you leave; it’s your toddler, too. And if you’re being honest, sometimes it’s you in the parking lot.

The most common worries moms have when planning their return to work

Sound familiar? Here’s what most moms worry about during this phase:

“Will my baby be okay in daycare?” The high costs and separation anxiety make this a top concern.
“How will I handle the sleep deprivation?” Sleepless nights aren’t just for new moms—they’re for moms with older kids too.
“What if I’m no longer good at my job?” Time away and new priorities often lead to impostor syndrome.
“How will I balance it all?” Work hours, home life, and everything in between—it feels impossible.

Exercises to reframe your worries about the return to work

Worry #1: Will my baby be okay in daycare?

Try this: Write down your biggest fears and then list the evidence to the contrary. For example, “Daycare will ruin my baby” might be countered with “Many studies show that high-quality child care services promote social skills.”

Worry #2: How will I handle the sleep deprivation?

Try this: This is a tricky one, especially if your little one is not sleeping through the night. In this case, create a daily to-do list and prioritize only the essentials. This way, your limited energy will be saved for the things that really matter. Remember, it’s okay to leave some things undone- and also to ask for help from your partner, family or friends.

Worry #3: What if I’m no longer good at my job?

Try this: List the new skills you’ve developed as a parent—time management, multitasking, and crisis management—and consider how they make you a stronger professional.

Worry #4: How will I balance it all?

Try this: Block out time for yourself. Even 10 minutes during lunch breaks to breathe or journal can help restore balance.

What HR wants you to know about planning your return to work

Discover the 4 most common worries about returning to work after your second baby (and 4 proven exercises to help reframe those worries!)

As someone who’s worked with countless working parents, here are 10 practical tips tips straight from the HR playbook, to help ease your return to work after having a second baby:

1. Communicate your needs early and often

Your first conversation with HR or your manager should cover your immediate needs, like flexibility during the first couple of weeks, private spaces for pumping, or adjustments to your work hours. But communication doesn’t stop there. Keep the lines open as your needs evolve. For example, if separation anxiety or a sudden daycare closure arises, don’t hesitate to ask for temporary accommodations.

2. Take advantage of all available benefits

Many new parents overlook the benefits their company or federal law provides, such as parental leave benefits, short-term disability, or sick leave. Familiarize yourself with these policies, even if you don’t need them right away. They’re your safety net when unexpected challenges arise. HR can also guide you on childcare service subsidies, flexible hours, or wellness programs designed to support working moms.

3. Set manageable goals and expectations

Let’s be real: your first week back is not the best time to volunteer for a high-profile project. Start small. Break your work day into achievable chunks and celebrate small victories. Share your bandwidth honestly with your team so they can set realistic expectations for you too.

4. Consider a phased return if possible

Returning to full-time work after months of parental leave can be overwhelming. A phased return—working part-time hours or half days—gives you time to adjust without diving headfirst into the deep end. Even a temporary arrangement, such as reduced hours for the first couple of weeks, can be a game changer for both your work life and home life.

5. Tap into your support network

Identify your go-to people for help: family members for last-minute daycare backups, a close friend to vent to, or colleagues who can step in if you’re unexpectedly out. Also, join parenting support groups—whether they’re for working parents or specifically for new mothers. It’s comforting to connect with others navigating similar challenges.

6. Advocate for a mom-friendly work environment

If your company lacks basics like private spaces for pumping or flexible work hours, it’s worth speaking up. HR may not be aware of the gaps, and advocating for changes can benefit not just you but future working parents too. Even something as simple as requesting 15-minute buffers between meetings can make a huge difference.

7. Prepare for the unexpected

Daycare closures, sick days, or a little while when separation anxiety hits your child hard—these moments are inevitable. Have a backup plan ready, like a secondary childcare provider, a trusted family member, or the ability to switch to remote work temporarily. Having a plan will reduce stress when the unexpected happens.

8. Master the art of prioritization

Every working parent’s best friend is a well-crafted daily to-do list. Rank tasks by importance, not urgency. Remember, you don’t need to tackle everything in one day. Some things can wait, and learning to let go of the “perfect parent” or “perfect employee” ideal will do wonders for your mental health.

9. Make time for self-care—even during work hours

It’s easy to forget yourself in the flurry of work and parenting, but even little moments matter. Use part of your lunch break to take a walk, meditate, or simply sit in silence. These small acts of self-care add up and can prevent burnout.

10. Plan for reentry hiccups

Understand that the transition back to work will come with challenges. Maybe your first day doesn’t go as planned, or the new routine feels overwhelming during the first couple of weeks. Be patient with yourself and your family. Remind yourself that this adjustment is temporary, and things will settle into a rhythm over time.

The bottom line

Returning to work after a second baby doesn’t have to be a trial by fire. By communicating your needs, tapping into your benefits, and leaning on your support network, you can make this transition a smoother, less stressful experience. And remember, you’re not just managing work and parenting—you’re redefining success on your terms.

Ruthlessly practical advice to help you ease the return to work after your second baby

Prep the night before:

Lay out outfits, pack lunches, and double-check the diaper bag. These small steps can save precious time during chaotic mornings.

Focus on what matters most:

The mental load is real. Choose what tasks are essential, and let go of the rest—this isn’t the time for perfection. You might find this article on how to reframe productivity tools to make them work for working moms helpful.

Create a family calendar:

Use a shared digital calendar to track daycare schedules, pediatrician appointments, and work deadlines. This is especially helpful if you’re managing a single-parent household or have family members helping with child care. I personally use the free version of Notion (read more about why the free version is more than enough for the needs of working moms here!).

Prioritize your mental health:

A little while spent on self-care, like a short walk or meditation during your lunch break, can recharge you for the rest of the work day.

Lower Your Standards (Seriously, Lower Them!):

Remember when you had one baby and managed to get out the door looking halfway presentable? Those days are over, my friend. With two kids, some days, success is simply getting everyone dressed—bonus points if you remember to put on pants. Accept that things will not always go smoothly, and that’s okay. You don’t have to be supermum every single day. Cut yourself some slack. Sanity tip: Create a “good enough” checklist—what must be done versus what can be let go. If your work gets done, your kids are fed, and everyone is alive by bedtime, you’re winning.

Master the Art of Tag-Teaming:

If you have a partner, teamwork is your lifeline. Sit down and divide household and parenting responsibilities as fairly as possible. One of you handles morning routines, the other does bedtime. Whoever isn’t on baby duty can take a breather. If you’re flying solo, outsource what you can—whether it’s meal delivery or asking family to help with childcare. Sanity tip: Schedule a weekly “team meeting” with your partner to reassess what’s working and what needs adjusting. Approach it like a work meeting—efficient and focused on solutions.

Implement a Strict Schedule (But Build in Buffer Time)

With two kids, routines are your best friend. Implement a daily schedule that helps everyone know what’s happening and when, including work, pick-ups, meal times, and bedtime. But—and this is key—build in buffer time. You know things will go off track (cue the surprise toddler tantrum), so give yourself wiggle room to avoid the rush-induced stress. Sanity tip: Use calendar apps to organize both work and home life in one place, so nothing slips through the cracks. Set reminders for everything—pickups, meetings, even when to breathe!

Be Ruthless About Self-Care (Even If It’s Just 5 Minutes)

Self-care may seem impossible with two kids, but you need it now more than ever. Find small moments during the day to do something for you, whether it’s a 5-minute meditation before the kids wake up, sneaking a cup of coffee during nap time, or getting in a quick walk after work. It’s not about grand gestures—it’s about tiny, regular breaks to recharge. Sanity tip: Put self-care on the schedule, and treat it like a non-negotiable meeting. You wouldn’t skip a work meeting, right? The same rules apply.

Manage Expectations at Work (And Advocate for Flexibility)

Returning after a second maternity leave means you might have different priorities, and that’s okay. Be honest with your employer about what you need to thrive—whether it’s flexible hours, remote work options, or fewer responsibilities (at least in the short term). Advocating for yourself might feel daunting, but it’s crucial for your well-being and long-term career success. Sanity tip: Practice saying “no” to extra projects or after-hours work that could tip you into burnout territory. Set boundaries early on and stick to them.

Plan your first week carefully

Start with half days or part-time hours if possible. It gives you a chance to ease into the new routine without feeling overwhelmed.

Negotiate flexible hours or remote work

Many workplaces are more accommodating post-pandemic, and it’s worth asking for what you need.

Communicate with your employer

Set boundaries for work hours and advocate for any accommodations, like private spaces for pumping or time off for sick days.

Hire help if you can

Whether it’s a babysitter, cleaning service, or a June care host for extra hands, this can be the best decision you’ll make.

Final thoughts on surviving (and thriving) the return to work after your second baby:

Returning to work after your second maternity leave is no joke. The challenges are real, and it’s easy to feel like you’re one meltdown (yours or the kids) away from losing it. But with a little planning, a lot of humor, and some solid boundaries, you can survive this transition without burning out. Remember, you’re not alone. There are thousands of working mums navigating this exact same path—and we’re all just doing our best. So, lower those standards, embrace the chaos, and take it one (baby) step at a time.

Returning to work after a second baby is a hard time, but it doesn’t have to break you. With a clear plan, a solid support network, and practical strategies, you can conquer this new normal and even find joy in the balance. Remember, you’re not just a working mom—you’re a superhero in disguise, navigating the wild ride of full-time work and family life.

As always, if you have any comments please put them below. I’ll respond to each one personally.

28 email templates to request a meeting with your boss

Take the stress of out writing the perfect email to ask your boss for a meeting with these 28 copy and paste email templates. When it comes to emailing your boss, especially when asking for a meeting, the stakes feel high. Maybe you’re bracing yourself for a tough conversation, or perhaps you’re looking to grow in your role and want to bring up professional development opportunities. Either way, getting that initial email right can set the tone for a productive and positive meeting. A well-crafted email not only reflects your professionalism but also shows that you’re serious about whatever you’re discussing—be it a new idea, a support request, or a career growth opportunity.

About the author

I’m Dr Claire, and I have over 20 years of clinical training and experience as a doctor. I am now Headspace’s UK Workplace Mental Health Expert. This is a role where I bring together my passion for workplace wellbeing with my professional interest in burnout and workplace stress.

I’ve had a lot of difficult conversations during my career, both in person and online. I have received extensive training on how to communicate effectively, and I have even taught medical students on this very topic. It can feel intimidating to email your boss to ask for a meeting and it’s a real skill too. You need to ensure that you can communicate all the necessary information as succinctly as possible, stress the importance of the meeting, as well as spin a positive note. Getting this right can be a real source of stress in the workplace, so I am here to help.

How this article will help you

In this article, you’ll learn why it’s important to get your email just right. You’ll also learn best practices for writing a business meeting request email. I’ll also walk you through some problems you might come up against, and how to successfully overcome them. You will also be able to copy and paste one of 28 meeting request email templates in order to help you create a well-crafted meeting request email. This is the best way to reduce your workplace stress levels. All you need to do is copy and paste and add a small number of details to make it yours!

Now, let’s dive into how to make these email templates work for you!

Why it’s important to get your email just right

Think of your email as your digital handshake. It’s the first impression and sets up the meeting for success. You need to be able to produce professional communication that gets across your key points succinctly. A well-written email to your boss has the power to:

Establish clarity: This will help your boss understand what to expect from the meeting, saving both of you time and potential misunderstandings.
Showcase professionalism: A thoughtful, polite email can set you apart as someone who takes your job seriously and knows how to communicate effectively.
Build confidence: For many, emailing is daunting. You’re already on the path to feeling more in control by nailing this step.
Set expectations: With a clear ask, you guide the conversation even before the meeting starts, helping both of you come prepared.

7 best practices for writing an email to ask for a meeting

Be concise and direct

Skip the fluff and get straight to the point. Let them know upfront that you’re looking to meet. Ensure that you outline the purpose of the meeting upfront.

Choose your tone wisely

The type of email you send matters. You must use the appropriate tone and voice for your boss. If you have a friendly boss, keep it warm and conversational. For a more formal boss, aim for a slightly more structured tone.

Highlight availability

Don’t make your boss work too hard to schedule the meeting. Offer a couple of time options that work for you. Offer a range of meeting options: you could suggest a virtual meeting, a meeting time on a specific date (if in person), or you could even suggest a phone call.

Show appreciation

A simple thank you can go a long way. Acknowledge their time and willingness to chat.

Be specific, yet flexible on details

You don’t have to reveal everything in the email. A simple “I’d like to discuss some current challenges” can suffice for sensitive topics- this is all the relevant information your boss needs.

Proofread for professionalism

A typo-free email shows you care. Read it over twice, and consider asking a trusted colleague for feedback if you’re feeling extra nervous. Ensure that you have included all the necessary details to allow for this meeting to happen: all your contact information, a proposed time, and a proposed meeting date.

Close with confidence

End with a statement that assumes the meeting will happen. For example, “Thank you for your time. Looking forward to our conversation.”

The 28 email templates at the end of the article take care of all of this for you!

Common worries, and how to overcome them:

“What if my boss thinks I’m asking for something unreasonable?”

Remind yourself that it’s completely okay to ask for a meeting. They might not have much time, but they will be used to supporting their staff. You’re showing initiative and a commitment to clear communication. Worst case, your boss might reschedule.

“What if I sound like I don’t know what I’m doing?”

Use confident language and avoid apologetic phrases. You’re allowed to need clarity or support; this doesn’t make you less competent!

What if they’re annoyed by my request?”

Frame the email as a collaborative opportunity, mentioning how the meeting could benefit the team or the goals of the department.

“What if they ask why I want the meeting in the email?”

For sensitive topics, use phrases like “I’d like to discuss a matter that requires privacy.” You’re not obligated to reveal details upfront.

Timing is everything: The best time to send your email

Just like most things in life, timing can make all the difference when reaching out to your boss. By selecting a strategic time to send your email, you’re increasing the chances of a prompt and positive response. Here’s some advice about when to send your effective meeting request email—and what to avoid:

The best days to send

Mid-week days like Tuesday and Wednesday are generally the best days to send an email, as Mondays are often catch-up days and Fridays are wrap-up days. Mid-week emails tend to get more attention and responses because most people are at their most productive and settled into their workflow.

Ideal time of day

Aim to send your email mid-morning (around 10 a.m.) or mid-afternoon (around 2 p.m.). By mid-morning, your boss has likely had a chance to settle into their day, clear initial priorities, and is now ready for new requests. Mid-afternoon is also a good window as it’s after the post-lunch dip when many people regain their focus.

Avoid Mondays and Fridays

Mondays are often filled with planning meetings and backlogged tasks from the previous week, so emails can get lost in the shuffle. Fridays, especially after noon, can be tricky because people are wrapping up and may not want to take on new requests right before the weekend.

Respect your boss’s style

Some bosses might be early birds, while others are more focused later in the day. If you have a good sense of when your boss is most responsive, try timing your email to that window for a better chance of a timely response.

Avoid sending late at night

We’ve all done this! But- even if you’re catching up on emails after hours, avoid sending an important message late at night. Sending emails during regular work hours demonstrates that you respect boundaries and that this isn’t a last-minute, urgent issue. If you’re up late at night it’s a great idea to put some professional boundaries in place to reduce your chances of burning out.

By following these timing tips, you can maximize your chances of getting a quick response and making a positive impression.

Are you worried about emailing your boss for a tricky meeting? Save time and reduce stress with 28 copy and paste email templates — Save time and reduce stress with 28 copy and paste email templates

28 ready-to-use email templates for asking your boss for a meeting

Now onto the good stuff! Feel free to copy and paste the following meeting request email templates.

You’ll see that each email has also been given a concise subject line, as well as outlining the body of the email.

Each sample email has been categorized into a specific topic. The topics are routine check-ins, discussing a personal issue, discussing a work-related issue, requesting support, and discussing professional growth opportunities. They are further sub-categorized into whether your boss is easy to approach (the “friendly” boss), or not so much (the “formal boss”). It’s a good idea to read through all of the templates first. Then choose the one that is the perfect meeting request email for you.

At the end of the article, you’ll also find some advice about how to write an effective email to follow up too!

TOPIC: Routine check-in emails:

Friendly Boss

Email 1

Subject Line: Quick check-in?

Body:

Hi [Boss’s Name],

I’d love to check in with you for a quick update on my current projects. Would you be open to meeting on [two potential times]? Thanks for your time!

Email 2

Subject Line: Checking in and touching base

Body:

Hi [Boss’s Name],

I wanted to touch base briefly to ensure I’m aligned with our team’s goals. Would you be open to a short meeting sometime on [two possible days]? Thanks a lot!

Formal Boss

Email 3

Subject Line: Request to align on current projects

Body:

Dear [Boss’s Name],

I’d like to confirm that my current tasks align with our team’s objectives and priorities. Could we meet on [specific days/times]? I appreciate your time and support.

Email 4

Subject Line: Request for routine check-in

Body:

Dear [Boss’s Name],

I’d appreciate the opportunity to check in regarding my current projects and overall progress. If possible, could we meet on [provide 2 x options]? Thank you for considering my request.

TOPIC: Discussing a work-related issue

Friendly boss

Email 5

Subject Line: A quick chat about [Project/Issue]

Body:

Hey [Boss’s Name],

I wanted to connect with you about [issue] and discuss some next steps. Could we find a time on [days] for a short meeting?

Email 6

Subject Line: Quick chat about [Project/Issue]

Body:

Hi [Boss’s Name],

I’ve encountered a bit of a snag with [project/issue] and wanted to brainstorm solutions with you. Could we meet sometime on [day/time options]? Thanks so much!

Email 7

Subject Line: Need Your Insight on [Project/Issue]

Body:

Hi [Boss’s Name],

Could we chat about [project/issue]? I think your insight could help move things forward. Let me know if you have time on [days/times]. Thanks so much!

Formal Boss

Email 8

Subject Line: Seeking your input on [Project/Work-Related Issue]

Body:

Dear [Boss’s Name],

I’ve identified an area in [project/issue] that I believe requires your guidance. If possible, could we arrange a brief meeting at [suggested times]? Thank you for your consideration.

Email 9

Subject Line: Request for a meeting to resolve [Project/Issue]

Body:

Dear [Boss’s Name],

I’d like to discuss a challenge I’ve encountered in [project/issue] and get your input. Are you available on [two days] to meet? I appreciate your support.

Email 10

Subject Line: Request to discuss [Work Issue/Project]

*Body*:

Dear [Boss’s Name],

I’d like to arrange a time to discuss [work issue or project] in more detail. Could we possibly meet on [suggested days]? Thank you for your consideration.

TOPIC: Discussing a personal issue

Friendly Boss

Email 11

Subject Line: Request for a Private Conversation

Body:

Hi [Boss’s Name],

I hope you don’t mind me reaching out. I’d like to meet for a brief private conversation. Let me know if you’re available this week. Thank you!

Email 12

Subject Line: Private Conversation Request

Body:

Hey [Boss’s Name],

I’d like to meet briefly to discuss something on my mind. Could we schedule a time on [day options]? Appreciate your understanding!

Email 13

Subject Line: Quick Personal Check-In

Body:

Hi [Boss’s Name],

I hope you don’t mind, but I’d like a quick check-in about a personal matter. Let me know if [suggested times] work for you. Thank you so much for your understanding.

Formal Boss

Email 14

Subject Line: Request for discreet conversation

Body:

Dear [Boss’s Name],

I’d like to meet to discuss a private matter. If you’re available, would [suggested days] work for you? Thank you for your discretion.

Email 15

Subject Line: Meeting request for personal discussion

Body:

Dear [Boss’s Name],

If possible, I’d appreciate a brief meeting to discuss a personal concern. Would you be open to meeting on [two-time options]? Thank you in advance.

Formal Boss

Email 16

Subject Line: Request for Private Meeting

Body:

Dear [Boss’s Name],

I’d appreciate the chance to meet with you regarding a personal matter. If possible, could we arrange a time this week? Thank you for your understanding.

TOPIC: Requesting support

Friendly Boss

Email 17

Subject Line: Quick support check

Body:

Hi [Boss’s Name],

I’m hoping we could chat briefly about some support I might need on a few projects. Could we connect on [day/time options]? Thanks so much for your time.

Email 18

Subject Line: Need a little extra support

Body:

Hi [Boss’s Name],

I could use a bit of support on [project/issue] and thought we could brainstorm together. Let me know if you’re available for a quick chat on [days/times].

Email 19

Subject Line: Help needed on [Project/Task]

Body:

Hey [Boss’s Name],

Could we chat about [project/task]? I could use a little guidance on this. Let me know if there’s a time that works for you. Thanks for your support!

Formal Boss

Email 20

Subject Line: Request for a meeting to discuss project assistance

Body:

Dear [Boss’s Name],

I’m reaching out to request a brief meeting regarding potential support on [project/issue]. Would [two time options] work? Thank you very much for your time.

Email 21

Subject Line: Meeting request to discuss support options

Body:

Dear [Boss’s Name],

I’d appreciate your guidance on a few areas where additional support may be beneficial. Are you available to meet on [two options]? Thank you for considering my request.

Email 22

Subject Line: Meeting request for project support

Body:

Dear [Boss’s Name],

I’m reaching out to request a meeting to discuss some additional support on a couple of projects. Would it be possible to meet on [two options]? I appreciate your time.

TOPIC: Discussing professional growth and opportunities

Friendly Boss

Email 23

Subject Line: Chat about growth opportunities?

Body:

Hey [Boss’s Name],

I’d love a chance to chat about some growth opportunities within the team. Let me know if there’s a time that works for you!

Email 24

Subject Line*: Chat about career growth?

Body:

Hey [Boss’s Name],

I’ve been thinking about my development within the team and wanted to chat about possible growth opportunities. Let me know if there’s a time that works for you!

Email 25

Subject Line: Quick chat about career path

Body:

Hi [Boss’s Name],

Would you be open to a quick conversation about my career trajectory and potential next steps? I’d appreciate your advice. Let me know if [suggested times] work for you!

Formal Boss

Email 26

Subject Line: Request to discuss professional development

Body:

Dear [Boss’s Name],

I’d be grateful for the opportunity to discuss potential growth paths within our department. If you’re available, could we schedule a meeting at your convenience?

Email 27

Subject Line: Request to discuss development opportunities

Body:

Dear [Boss’s Name],

I’d like to explore potential development paths within our department and gain your input. Could we schedule a meeting at your convenience? Thank you.

Email 28

Subject Line: Request for guidance on career advancement

Body:

Dear [Boss’s Name],

I’d appreciate a meeting to discuss potential advancement within the company. Would you be available on [two-time options]? Thank you very much for your time.

Congratulations, you’ve now taken the first step to securing your next meeting with your boss. But sometimes, even the best-crafted emails don’t get a response. If your boss doesn’t reply, don’t take it personally! Here’s how to put together the perfect follow-up email:

Follow-up etiquette: What to do if you don’t hear back

Wait a Few Days

Give it two to three working days before sending a follow-up. This shows patience and respect for your boss’s busy schedule. You could follow up with a meeting agenda, a calendar invite, or further meeting details.

Keep the Tone Light and Friendly

A follow-up should be polite, and short, and assume that they simply haven’t had time to respond. You might write something like:

– “Hi [Boss’s Name], I wanted to follow up on my previous email about scheduling a quick meeting. Let me know if there’s a convenient time in the next week—thanks so much!”

Be Flexible

If they didn’t respond to your original times, offer flexibility in your follow-up email by saying something like:

– “I’m happy to meet whenever works best for you—I can adjust to your availability.”

Consider Alternative Methods

If you still don’t get a response after a follow-up, consider mentioning your request casually in person or during a team meeting. Sometimes a quick, friendly reminder works wonders and shows that you’re proactive.

Be Prepared to Reframe the Request if Necessary

If they’re especially busy or the topic is sensitive, try reframing your request by offering a briefer meeting or clarifying that it won’t take up much of their time.

Following up professionally demonstrates your initiative and commitment without being pushy.

If you found this article helpful, then you might also like to read more about how to reduce workplace stress by improving your productivity and performance- click here.

If you have any questions, feel free to add them to the comments. I’ll respond to each one directly.

October 17, 2024

How to beat the winter blues: 6 powerful ways for exhausted working moms to conquer Seasonal Affective Disorder

As if balancing work, parenting, and a mountain of laundry wasn’t enough, the colder months can bring on an extra challenge for many working moms: Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). This type of depression, triggered by the change in seasons (usually winter), can leave even the most organized, multitasking moms feeling drained, irritable, and overwhelmed.

While there’s not a ton of research specifically focusing on working moms and SAD, the science behind it is crystal clear. SAD can impact anyone, and stressed-out mums are especially vulnerable. Let’s dive into how Seasonal Affective Disorder can affect you. You will also learn how and why working moms might be more susceptible to it. Then you’ll learn 6 practical ways to keep the winter blues at bay.

What is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?

SAD is a type of depression that typically occurs during the fall and winter months when daylight hours are shorter. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, SAD is linked to a biochemical imbalance in the brain triggered by a lack of sunlight. This then disrupts your body’s internal clock and leads to feelings of depression, low energy, and increased sleep. You can read more about SAD on the NHS’s website here.

SAD affects around 5% of the U.S. population, but women are four times more likely to be diagnosed than men. Combine this with the already exhausting life of a working mom. It’s no wonder that SAD can hit harder for this group.

In addition to SAD, women (and mothers in particular) are more at risk of burnout than men. Click here to learn how to stop burnout in working moms in their 40s.

Why Stressed Working moms Are More Vulnerable to SAD

Why working moms are more susceptible to Seasonal Affective Disorder. They are 4 x more likely to be diagnosed than men. Here's why: Already high stress levels
Lack of time for self care
Reduced physical activity in the winter
Constant indoor time with the kids

Read on to find out more- and learn how you can conquer the winter blues — Why working moms are more susceptible to SAD

Already high stress levels
Working moms already face chronic stress from juggling careers, parenting, and home life. Add seasonal depression into the mix, and those feelings of being overwhelmed, irritable, and exhausted can skyrocket. When SAD sets in, it amplifies the strain working moms are already under.
Lack of time for self care
As a working mom, finding time for yourself is, on occasion, like finding a needle in a haystack. During the winter months, the lack of sunlight can reduce your body’s production of serotonin (the “feel-good” hormone) and throw off your sleep cycle, making you feel even more tired. With little to no time for self-care, the symptoms of SAD can go unnoticed and untreated.
Reduced physical activity
With darker mornings and colder evenings, it’s even harder to squeeze in time for exercise or outdoor activities. The reduced physical activity is a double-edged sword for working moms. Exercise is a proven mood booster and helps combat the symptoms of SAD .
Constant indoor time with kids
Let’s be real: winter means less outdoor time for your kids, which equals more chaos in the house. The constant noise and demands can feel like sensory overload, increasing irritability and emotional fatigue—both common symptoms of SAD. The darker months already have a way of sapping your energy, and dealing with cabin-fevered children just makes it worse. Spending more time indoors with your kids also means less daylight exposure for you. This also directly contributes to the development of SAD.

6 Practical Ways for Working moms to Combat Seasonal Affective Disorder

6 practical ways that working moms can conquer Seasonal Affective Disorder: Make the most of natural light (try a light box with a minimum of 10,000 lux if you can’t achieve this)
Move your body
Eat for energy and mood
Schedule “You Time”
Connect with your support system
Consider professional help — 6 practical ways for working moms to conquer SAD

Make the most of natural light Sunlight is your best friend when it comes to combating SAD. Even if it’s freezing outside, try to spend at least 20 minutes in natural light during the day. Sit near windows when possible, or take a short walk during lunch. If you’re stuck indoors, consider using a light therapy box, which mimics sunlight and has been proven to help alleviate symptoms of SAD. Ensure that your light box emits light to a MINIMUM of 10,000 lux. If you’re based in the UK, you could try this lamp from Amazon (aff link). Bonus: A short midday walk can also help you recharge and improve focus, making you more productive when you return to work.
Move your body (even when you don’t want to) It’s hard to get motivated to exercise when it’s cold and dark outside, but staying active is crucial for managing SAD. Even 20 minutes of movement can make a big difference in your mood. Try quick, high-energy exercises like dancing in your living room or following a short online workout during nap time. If you can do your exercise outside in daylight, even better. A 20 minute brisk walk will help get the blood pumping, and boost your mood (see above). The key is consistency, not perfection.
Eat for energy and mood Comfort food is tempting in the winter months, but high-carb, sugary snacks can lead to energy crashes. Focus on eating a balanced diet rich in fruits, veggies, lean proteins, and healthy fats to keep your energy steady. Foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids (like salmon and flaxseeds) are particularly great for boosting mood and brain health.
Schedule “You Time” (even just 10 minutes) You don’t have to carve out hours of self-care to make a difference. Small, intentional breaks can do wonders for your mental health. Whether it’s a 10-minute coffee break in silence, reading a book before bed, or simply sitting by the window with a cup of tea, these little moments help you recharge. Scheduling “you time” is crucial, especially when SAD has you feeling run down.
Connect with your support system SAD can make you feel isolated, and it’s easy to withdraw from social connections. But staying connected to your support system—whether it’s friends, family, or other mums who understand—is essential. A simple phone call or video chat can boost your mood and remind you that you’re not alone in this struggle. Sharing how you feel with someone who understands can be incredibly validating.
Consider professional help If SAD symptoms are significantly impacting your ability to function, it might be time to seek professional help. Speaking with a doctor can provide additional strategies or treatments (like light therapy or antidepressants) to help you manage the seasonal depression. You don’t have to navigate this alone, and there’s no shame in seeking help when you need it.

final thoughts: Take Control of SAD Before It Takes Control of You

Seasonal Affective Disorder can turn an already stressful life into an overwhelming one for working moms. The darker days can sap your energy, increase irritability, and make it harder to focus at work or stay patient at home. But the good news? There are ways to take control of SAD before it takes control of you.

By making small adjustments—like getting more sunlight, staying active, and prioritizing self-care—you can keep the winter blues at bay. Remember, you’re not alone, and even on the hardest days, there are simple strategies to help you feel a little more like yourself.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Whilst the author of this piece is a doctor, if you think you may have SAD, please consult a healthcare provider.

October 9, 2024

Productivity for working moms: ditch useless advice and reclaim your time with this simple matrix

Traditional productivity and career advice just doesn’t work for working moms. Productivity for working moms is an entirely different beast!

When you become a working mom, it feels like all those classic productivity tips were designed for someone with endless hours and no small humans demanding snacks every five minutes. Suddenly, the idea of carefully prioritizing tasks or finding that perfect work-life balance seems like a cruel joke. So, let’s take one of those productivity tools—the Eisenhower Matrix—give it a working mom makeover, and finally make it work for the chaos we call everyday life.

For the uninitiated, the Eisenhower Matrix is a simple decision-making tool that helps you prioritize tasks by urgency and importance. It’s a great tool in itself to use at work. But you’re not just juggling emails and meetings here—you’ve got sick kids, work deadlines, and laundry mountains. So, let’s rework this classic productivity tool to fit the life of a busy mom.

There is more information about this tool in this post about career advice that working moms should never take.

How It Works:

The Eisenhower Matrix breaks your to-do list into four quadrants:

Do Now – Urgent and Important
Schedule for Later – Important but Not Urgent
Delegate – Urgent but Not Important
Drop It – Neither Urgent Nor Important

Here’s a little infographic which shows the four quadrants visually:

How to use the Eisenhower Matrix to conquer your to-do list.

Let’s translate these quadrants into a tool for productivity for working moms:

Quadrant 1: Do Now (The Mom Emergency Quadrant)

These are the tasks that need to be done ASAP and cannot wait. These typically have consequences if they don’t happen soon. Think of this quadrant as “things that will explode if left unattended.”

Examples:

Replying to an email from your boss about a major deadline.
Picking up a sick child from school (because, well, you can’t leave them there, right?).
Paying that overdue bill before you get hit with late fees.
Grabbing a snack for your toddler right now to avoid a full-scale meltdown.

What to do:

Tackle these tasks first. In the chaos of motherhood, these tend to pop up every day. But the goal is to limit how many “emergencies” you let into this quadrant by being proactive (more on that below).

Quadrant 2: Schedule for Later (The Grown-Up Stuff That Keeps You Sane)

These tasks are important for your long-term well-being but don’t need to be done immediately. This is where your big-picture life and career goals live—things that can easily get forgotten in the daily grind but will help you stay on track in the long run.

Examples:

Planning your child’s birthday party (before it turns into an urgent crisis).
Booking your dentist appointment (yes, it’s been two years).
Working on that career development project that could lead to a promotion.
Scheduling self-care time or booking a night out with friends (because your sanity is important too!).

What to do:

Put these tasks on your calendar and honor the time you set for them. This is where a working mom’s proactive mindset comes into play. These tasks keep your life and career moving forward, but they’re easy to neglect. If it’s scheduled, it’s sacred.

Quadrant 3: Delegate (AKA: Can Someone Else Do This, Please?)

Urgent but not really all that important? These are the tasks you should delegate, outsource, or pass on if possible. The problem is, as moms, we often try to do everything ourselves. But not everything requires your magic touch, and it’s time to pass some of that load.

Examples:

Ordering groceries online instead of physically going to the store.
Delegating household chores to your partner or older kids (they can load a dishwasher).
Handing over a non-essential work task to a colleague or team member.

What to do:

Get creative and start delegating. You don’t need to wear all the hats all the time. By lightening this load, you’ll free up time to focus on what truly matters (and save your sanity).

Quadrant 4: Drop It (The MOM Guilt Dumping Ground)

These tasks are neither urgent nor important, and yet, somehow, they keep showing up on your to-do list. This is where you ditch the mom guilt and give yourself permission to let go of the things that simply don’t matter.

Examples:

Perfectly folding laundry (who cares if the towels are a little wrinkled?). Even better, ditch the ironing altogether!
Baking homemade treats for the school bake sale when store-bought will do.
Checking every social media notification as if it’s the end of the world.
Saying “yes” to every playdate invitation just to be polite.

What to do:

Say goodbye to these non-essentials. For the love of all that is holy, let them go! You don’t need to be perfect at everything, and this quadrant is your permission slip to simplify, delegate, or just say “no thanks.” You’ve got enough on your plate.

The Takeaway

This mom-friendly version of the Eisenhower Matrix can help you navigate the chaos of working life and family responsibilities with a bit more clarity and a lot less overwhelm. The key is to be realistic with your time and energy, and to prioritize the things that truly matter—not the things society (or your inner critic) tells you to care about.

And always remember: you’re not failing if your to-do list isn’t completely ticked off. You’re a mom, and you’re already doing the hardest job in the world.

So next time your list feels overwhelming, take a deep breath, grab a cup of tea (or wine), and break it down into these quadrants. You’ve absolutely got this!

If you enjoyed this post, please sign up to my email newsletter The Phoenix. Designed for working moms, it will help to doctor you to career success (without the bro BS).

September 19, 2024

3 easy techniques to help working moms stop feeling stuck in a stressful career

Read on to learn the challenges faced by working moms who feel stuck in their careers due to significant past investments of time, effort, and money. This article explores how the sunk cost fallacy (the tendency to continue in a role because of what’s already been invested) can trap individuals in unfulfilling or high-stress jobs, risking burnout.

The post provides three actionable techniques to overcome this feeling of being “stuck”:

Shifting focus from past investments to future benefits – making career decisions based on current needs and potential growth.
Using SMART goal setting – establishing Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound goals to move towards fulfilling future outcomes (rather than being tied to past efforts).
Reframing one’s perspective – viewing previous investments as building blocks for future opportunities rather than as constraints.

By implementing these methods, working moms can realign their career paths with their evolving priorities. You will be able to find greater satisfaction in their professional lives. Whether you look for a new challenge, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, or whether you decide to stay in your current situation- there is something for everyone to help with career development in this article!

About the author

I’m Dr Claire, and I help mothers learn how to successfully manage stressful situations at work. I am passionate about helping moms to boost their current career, and plan their next career move. I know from personal experience just how much hard work it is to successfully juggle the demands of being a mom whilst still doing my best work. It’s my mission to help moms with their professional development so that they can experience less stress and burnout.

If you are a working mom who is feeling stuck in your career, then read on!

How often do you say this to yourself?

“I can’t give up my job, I’ve put so much into it”

Perhaps you used to love your job and got a huge amount out of it. Or, maybe your current job needed a lot of time, training, and commitment to get to the position you now hold.

Perhaps your job is causing you significant stress.

Maybe you’re not feeling happy or fulfilled in your work environment and are craving an opportunity to develop new skills.

Alternatively, you might be worried that you’re at risk of burnout. Working moms are at higher risk than men, or women without children. If you’re not sure if you’re burnt out, then click here to find out.

Do you feel stuck in your career?

First things first, it’s time for some frank honesty. How often do you feel that you are stuck in your career because you feel you have put too much into it to walk away?

Feeling stuck in your career because you’ve put a lot of time, effort, and money into getting there is a very common experience. It’s particularly common if you work a vocational job or one that carries a lot of personal meaning. It’s also a very common thing to experience after having kids. Let’s face it, raising a family whilst continuing your career is stressful. You are expected to work as if you don’t have kids. And if that’s not enough, you also need to mother like you don’t have a job.

The result is that you end up with little time for yourself, with declining job satisfaction and potential mental health challenges. But, more than that, your core values and what’s important to you will likely change after having kids. As a result, you will often question whether it’s the right thing to carry on with your career. So, you might find yourself torn. You might not be sure whether you should continue with a job that you have trained long and hard for. But equally, it might not be serving you in the present moment.

This dilemma can be a tricky one to overcome, but it can be done!

Later on in this post, you will learn 3 ways that you can achieve this. And, by doing so, you will feel happier and at ease with your career decision-making. It doesn’t matter what your career goals are. Whether you’re seeking career advice with a view to a big change with a new job, or simply looking to take small steps to ease things in your current company- this advice is for everyone looking for greater satisfaction at this stage of life.

Who ends up feeling stuck, stressed, and burnt in their careers?

Any job where you have had to commit time, money and effort into it can make you feel stuck. The classic examples are healthcare, teaching, law, architecture and accounting. But, many other jobs not listed can fit this description too!

When you start feeling stuck in your career, you risk getting into a vicious cycle of continuing to invest money, time, and effort into something that isn’t serving you anymore. The more you invest, the more you feel committed to continuing. The more you commit, the more resources you are likely to put in to follow through on your decision. You end up fixated on your past investments, instead of on your present and future costs and benefits.

As a result, you commit yourself to decisions that are no longer in your best interests.

This happens all the time in vocational careers because you invest very heavily into your career. That said, it can occur in any career that has required lengthy training, costly exams, and/or professional regulation.

There is a name for this pattern of thinking, and it’s called the sunk cost fallacy.

What is the sunk cost fallacy?

The sunk cost fallacy is a biased way of thinking that means we follow through on an endeavor or decision if we have already invested time, effort, or money into it. This follow-through happens regardless of whether or not the current costs outweigh the benefits.

Part of the reason why you get sucked into the sunk cost fallacy is because of loss aversion. Loss aversion describes the fact that the impact of losses feels much worse compared to the positive impact of gains. Therefore, you are more likely to avoid losses than to seek out gains. For instance, you might worry that you won’t have enough money and risk your financial security if you move on from your current position. But, if you decide to stay in a job that actively harms you just because of past investment, you risk burnout.

If this is you, then this way of thinking will stop you from moving forward. Believing that you need to carry on because of what you’ve already invested is completely normal. But, ultimately, it will stop you from making good decisions about your future.

Stopping feeling stuck in your career doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll leave the career that you originally intended for yourself (and worked so hard to achieve). Stopping feeling stuck simply means that you will no longer be making decisions about your career based on costs that are not retrievable.

If you’d like to overcome this way of thinking, here are 3 easy techniques to help you stop feeling stuck in your career:

3 small ways you can stop feeling stuck in your career: 1. focus only on future costs and benefits, 2. Prioritise SMART goal setting, 3. reframe your thinking — 3 small ways you can stop feeling stuck in your career

Stop feeling stuck in your career by shifting your thinking from past costs to future benefits

The first step is that you must shift your current thinking from focusing on past investments to focusing solely on any future costs and benefits of a decision. You have to disregard any previous costs from your current decision-making. It doesn’t matter if these costs were financial, time, or otherwise. Whatever it is, it cannot factor into your current decision-making. Concentrate on the here and now, and the potential future gains. This is hard- but this is how you avoid the sunk cost fallacy.

Example: A burnt-out lawyer who wants to change jobs, but feels stuck in her career

Here’s an example to help you do this exercise! Let’s take a working mom who is a burnt-out lawyer. She’s spent years studying, passing the bar, and working long hours at a firm. Now she’s unhappy, but she feels that switching careers would be a waste of all the effort she’s put in. She has a lot of negative thoughts about her original career choice, but she also has a fear of change. This is the sunk cost fallacy in action. She’s focusing on the time and resources already spent rather than what’s best for her future.

The key to overcoming the sunk cost fallacy here is for her to evaluate her situation based on her current needs and future opportunities. For instance, she might explore transitioning into a legal role in a different industry. In this industry, work-life balance and flexibility might be a better fit. By focusing on how a career change could provide more time for her family, personal satisfaction, and professional growth, she can shift her thinking toward future benefits instead of the sunk costs of her current role.

stop feeling stuck in your career by Prioritising SMART goal-setting

You can help overcome the sunk cost fallacy and stop feeling stuck in your career by prioritizing SMART goal setting and concrete actions. SMART goal setting (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound) helps overcome the sunk cost fallacy by providing a clear framework to make intentional decisions about the future. It focuses on progress and growth rather than past investments. Your SMART goals will help you to take actionable steps toward your desired outcomes. It will make it easier to move forward rather than staying stuck because of past time, energy, or financial investments.

Here’s how to do this:

Expanded example: A burnt-out lawyer who wants to change jobs, but feels stuck in her career

Let’s return to the example of a lawyer. She’s feeling unfulfilled, overworked, and stuck in her current role, but she’s hesitant to make a career change because of the years of education and experience she’s already invested in. The good news is that by using SMART goals, she can shift her focus away from the past and toward achievable, realistic future outcomes. She starts by setting some short-term goals, as outlined here:

Short-Term Goals (3-6 months):

Specific: Explore alternative career paths where her legal skills are valued, but the work-life balance is better.
Measurable: Research at least three different industries and apply to five jobs in the healthcare, technology, or nonprofit sectors.
Achievable: Set aside one hour every day for research, networking, and updating her resume and LinkedIn profile.
Relevant: The goal is aligned with her need for better work-life balance and professional satisfaction.
Time-bound: Complete this exploration and initial job applications within the next six months.

By focusing on a short-term goal like this, she’ll break the cycle of the sunk cost fallacy. You can see from the goals that she is shifting her energy from dwelling on past investments, to finding a new career path.

She can set medium and long-term goals in the same way too!

stop feeling stuck in your career by Reframing your thinking

In order to become unstuck in your career, you must reframe your thinking. Stop thinking about the costs you have already spent in creating your career.

Instead of thinking, “I can’t make changes because I’ve put so much into getting to where I am now, it would be a waste to walk away”, tell yourself, “I am in a great position to make changes because of the investment I have made into my career so far”.

Let’s go back to our burnt-out lawyer to see how she could use reframing to help her stop feeling stuck in her career.

Expanded example: A burnt-out lawyer who wants to change jobs, but feels stuck in her career

Negative Thought:

“I’ve spent so many years studying and working in law. If I leave now, all that effort and time will be wasted.”

Reframed Positive Thought:

“Years of studying and working in law have given me valuable skills and experience that I can carry into a new role. These skills, like critical thinking, problem-solving, and negotiation, are transferable. They will help me succeed in a field that better aligns with my current needs and future goals.”

How Reframing Helps:

Instead of viewing her past work as a sunk cost that locks her into a career she no longer enjoys, the lawyer reframes it as a foundation for her next step. She acknowledges that her legal experience isn’t wasted—it’s simply part of a journey that can evolve. By reframing this negative thought, she can see the past as something that adds value to her future rather than something that restricts her.

This shift in thinking can be empowering and helps her break free from feeling stuck. It allows her to embrace change with confidence, knowing that the past has contributed to her growth and can still serve her in new ways.

I hope that this has been helpful for all of you who are feeling stuck in your stressful careers! Let me know in the comments which techniques you try, and how it has helped you.

September 1, 2024

Take the burnout quiz to find out how burnt out you are NOW

Take this free quiz to find out how burnt out you are! This quiz is helpful for anyone who is under chronic stress, and struggling with physical exhaustion, mental exhaustion, and other symptoms of burnout.

In this post, you will take a 12-question quiz that will give you a score that tells you exactly how burnt out you are. Once you know how burnt out you are (very importantly!) you’ll also learn the next steps you need to follow to take control of your burnout.

This quiz is best done alongside reading more about the 5 stages of burnout, which outlines the World Health Organization definition of burnout as well as the key stages of its development. Furthermore, this previous post on what it looks and feels like to experience burnout will also be helpful reading.

It’s quite difficult to find scientifically researched and validated burnout quizzes online. Most of them you need to pay to access. Luckily, this particular quiz is not only accurate,but it is also freely available. It is a fabulous diagnostic tool!

You will be able to instantly find out how burnt out you are by answering just 12 questions. The quiz questions shared are a shortened version of a more comprehensive tool, which you can access here.

There are 2 versions of the quiz provided. The first is focused on work-related stress and burnout. It asks 12 questions to help identify the core components of burnout syndrome: emotional exhaustion, a cynical attitude and sense of ineffectiveness, and reduced performance at work.

The second version is for those of you who are experiencing common signs of burnout, but unrelated to work. it might be that you are a parent, a caregiver, or if you are neurodivergent.

You’ll see that the questions are very similar in both quizes. Both will allow you to find out how burnt out you are. The quiz is quick and easy to do and still gives accurate results. Pick the version to do that fits your situation best. There is no such thing as a wrong answer. The quiz will help you to easily assess your level of burnout with these self-test questions.

Please note that this quiz is for personal use, has been designed for educational purposes, and is not a licensed mental health assessment. Please seek help from your healthcare provider if you are worried about burnout symptoms.

How to score yourself on the burnout quiz:

For each question, give yourself points for each answer. Score yourself as follows:

 1 – Never; 2 – Rarely; 3 – Sometimes; 4 – Often; 5 – Always

The work-related burnout quiz

Do this version if:

The source of your stress is your job

1. At work, I feel mentally exhausted

2. At the end of the work day, I find it hard to recover my energy

3. At work, I feel physically exhausted

4. I struggle to find any enthusiasm for work

5. I feel a strong aversion to my job

6. I’m cynical about what my work means to others

7. At work, I have trouble staying focused

8. When working, I have trouble concentrating

9. I make mistakes at work because my mind is on other things

10. At work, I feel unable to control my emotions

11. I do not recognise myself in the way I react emotionally at work

12. At work, I may overreact unintentionally

The general burnout quiz

Do this version of the quiz if:

You think you are at risk of parental burnout (or caregiver burnout)
You are neurodivergent
The source of your stress is not related to work (aka. you have life stress)

1.I feel mentally exhausted

2. At the end of the day, I find it hard to recover my energy

3. I feel physically exhausted

4. I struggle to find any enthusiasm for work

5. I feel a strong aversion to my job

6. I’m cynical about what my work means to others

7. I have trouble staying focused

8. I have trouble concentrating

9. I make mistakes because my mind is on other things

10. I feel unable to control my emotions

11. I do not recognise myself in the way I react emotionally

12. I may overreact unintentionally

How to work out your burnout quiz score:

When you have worked through the questions, add up your total score. Then, take this number and then divide by 12 to find your average score (stick to two decimal points).

For example, imagine that your total score for the 12 questions is 50.

48/12 = 4.166667

When you stick to 2 decimal points, your average mark becomes 4.17.

This is the score that you then use to work out your burnout level.

Next, use the key below to see whether your average score identifies you as not suffering from burnout, at risk of burnout, or having severe burnout.

Find out how burnt out you are by working out your score. Then, use this key to interpret your score

For the example given above, the score of 4.17 is in the red zone- suffering from severe burnout.

How to find out how burnt out you are (and what to do next!)

Here’s how you will interpret your scores:

Score 1–2.53: Green/not suffering from burnout

Congratulations! You are not currently burned out, but you might be at risk of it. This will be very relevant if you work in a high-stress job, or if you are under long term stress from any other cause. You must monitor your stress levels regularly, and make sure that you have good strategies for dealing with your stress. Keep an eye on this blog as there will be lots of advice coming on how to do this! If you feel that things are starting to change for the worse, come back to these resources again to reassess yourself.

Score 2.54–2.95: Orange/at risk of burnout

This is a position where you’ve not burned out yet, but you’re on your way. If this is you, then you have a wonderful opportunity to make changes that will help to stop things from getting worse. If you’re not sure what it is that you need to do, then I have lots of advice for you. Start by following this blog, and make sure that you are signed up to my email newsletter. I have a ton of advice on socials- do come and follow me for more! I’m most active on TikTok and LinkedIn.

Score 2.96–5: Red/suffering severe burnout

If this is you, please consider getting urgent help from your doctor or therapist. Your immediate priority is getting expert help, taking time off from work (if available to you) and physically resting. However, external help isn’t always immediately or easily accessible. In this case, start with my burnout recovery video series on TikTok (click on the bar at the top of the grid!).

If you have any questions feel free to ask in the comments section, or reach out via my socials.

REFERENCES:

The Burnout Assessment Tool: Schaufeli, W.B., De Witte, H. & Desart, S. (2020). Manual Burnout Assessment Tool (BAT) – Version 2.0

August 24, 2024

How to stop burnout in working mums in their 40s

5 ways to properly prevent burnout in working mums in their 40s –>

Working mums in their 40s are at breaking point. This group is being stretched thanks to the combination of work, having kids, caring for elderly parents, and approaching the menopause. This devastating combination of stress is the perfect storm for burnout in working mums in their 40s.

This blog post will tell you exactly how and why being a working mum can cause burnout. You’ll also find out how being 40 years + puts you at increased risk. Most importantly, you will also learn 5 things that you can do right now to prevent burnout if you are a working mum in your 40s.

Let’s dive right in. To start, let’s consider how the domestic and mental loads contribute to burnout in working mums.

The data referred to here relates to cis-heterosexual relationships.

Understanding why burnout happens to working mums: Working mums do more domestic chores

The domestic load for working women is significant. Women still do more of the household chores compared to men, even when both spouses work full-time jobs. This gap gets bigger when a couple has children. This means you’ll be doing more of the washing, cooking and cleaning than your partner after you have kids.

Working mums also take on more mental load

But, it’s not just more of the domestic workload that you need to do. The mental work of keeping a family running is also your job. You will most likely be the parent responsible for keeping household routines, organising schedules, maintaining order, and providing emotional support for your kids. This disproportionate share of the mental workload is directly linked to a poorer sense of wellbeing for women. It’s also linked with lower levels of satisfaction with their relationships.

However, the increased mental load for working mums is more complicated than just taking on more of it.

Working mums take on the hardest parts of the mental load

Hands up which of you identify with worrying about childcare when you’re at work. Do you constantly dread the phone call of doom from school to say your kid has got a fever? Perhaps you worry about the commute home and getting to nursery pick up in time to avoid a fine? Or maybe you feel guilty for being away from your kids, even though you know that they are safe?

This is because women are more likely than men to worry about childcare, even when they are not with their kids. It causes huge additional stress, because it is always present – even when you should be concentrating on other things.

How does this happen? Scientists have identified that the mental load process can be divided into four parts: anticipate, identify, decide, and monitor. What they’ve found is that women disproportionately engage with different parts of the process compared to men.

What are the different parts of the mental load, and how does this cause burnout in working mums?

To help you understand this in more detail, let’s imagine that you are thinking about applying for a school place for your child.

“Anticipate” means looking for schools the year before

“Identify” involves setting up tours and talking to others about your options

“Decide” requires choosing the best school for your child;

“Monitor” means making sure the paperwork is turned in, the school uniform is bought (and hopefully not grown out of!), and that your child is ready for their first day.

Women are much more likely to handle the “anticipate” and “monitor” steps in the process. In the majority of families, women are more likely to put an item on the agenda and more likely to follow up to make sure it got done. This is true even for household tasks assigned to the male in the household. Male and female participation in decision-making is roughly equal; essentially, once the item was on the agenda and the research completed, couples tended to make decisions together

(source: Daminger, A, 2019).

Working mums aren’t just taking on more of the mental load, you’re also taking on the most draining bits. No wonder you’re exhausted. It’s easy to see why there is a huge problem with burnout in working mums in their 40s!

Steph, founder of Don’t Buy Her Flowers, describes this never ending overwhelm perfectly in her article for The Juggle:

“I think part of the problem is that we can see how lucky we are compared to many, and we do cope. And when I say ‘we’, let’s be straight – women are still carrying the load required to run a family. In fact CNBC reported that as women’s financial contributions increase, they pick up a heavier load when it comes to household chores and caregiving responsibilities. Perhaps because they’re trying to make up for working and not having total focus on the family.

Because we are a guinea pig generation. More women are working in some capacity, but that hasn’t led to a fundamental shift in what happens at home. So we’re just adding, while often trying to simultaneously replicate the more traditional role we saw women in our parent’s generation carry out. Then as we’re having children later, we’re also managing a timely triumvirate of kids that still need us, ageing parents and perimenopause. And we’re wondering why we feel broken?”

You can see that the increased load on working mums is the perfect storm for burnout.

Understanding why burnout happens to working mums in their 40s

To recap, working mums of all ages deal with more domestic load- and the hardest parts of the mental load. This is one of the reasons why burnout in working mums in their 40s is more of a problem than in working dads.

But, in your 40s, you’re also likely to be looking after ageing parents at a time when you’re entering the peri menopause. The caring burden is a particularly heavy one, and especially so when your kids are still young too. Furthermore, peri menopause affects every woman differently. Some women sail through it, others are crippled by their symptoms. The additional caring and peri menopause loads reduce your capacity for stress, and make it harder to juggle all of your responsibilities without losing your mind.

In addition, the symptoms of burnout might look and feel like peri menopause. Symptoms such as difficulty sleeping, fatigue, irritability- these can be both burnout or peri menopause. Take a look at this post to read more about the symptoms of burnout.

5 ways to properly prevent burnout in working mums in their 40s:

1. Outsource and delegate

Anything you can do to reduce your load will help prevent burnout. You could reduce your domestic load by paying for a cleaner, or buying the occasional convenience meal so you don’t need to cook. For some ways of outsourcing, you do need a degree of financial privilege to be able to do it. However, if you don’t have financial flexibility, don’t worry. Your outsourcing of help doesn’t necessarily have to involve spending money. You could ask your friends and family to help with a spot of babysitting. You can delegate some of the load to your kids if they’re old enough (and you have it in you to deal with any wingeing!).

Don’t be afraid to offload. When you do this, you will gain a bit of space for some of that annoying mental stuff that you tend to carry as a woman (such as “anticipating” and “monitoring”, and worrying about childcare when you’re at work).

2. Get your partner on board!

Statistically, you’ll be doing much more of the domestic load and the emotional load in your household. So, get your partner to step up! Think about the load that bothers you the most, whether that’s the cleaning, the ironing, cooking. Whatever it is, ask your partner to do their fair share, and in a meaningful way.

3. Therapy

Changing how you think is a powerful tool to managing the load. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy are 2 excellent and evidence based forms of therapy that will help you to carry the mental load, and both are evidenced in burnout too. If you are finding things hard I do recommend that you think about accessing some therapy- trust me, it is a game changer.

If you are finding it difficult to access therapy, then I highly recommend getting The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris (aff link). The book is all about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. So many patients and colleagues have told me this book has transformed their lives!

Ignore all the internet bro wellness advice

Don’t get sucked into thinking that you get up at 5am to work out and meditate, so that you can cram your self care into your already busy day. An exhausted mum needs to be asleep at 5am, not doing cardio. Screw the productivity hacks. Most of them are perpetuated by men without kids- or by women who have a lot of help and money! You don’t need an extra hour in your day, what you need is proper physical and emotional support. Focus on getting this and not internet wellness advice (well, apart from this blog!!).

Get expert help if you need it

If you can’t do it all remember that it is NOT your fault. You’re human and your capacity for stress is not infinite. If you are worried about your mental health then please do speak to your doctor. They are there to help with whatever problem or combination of problems you are currently experiencing. Doctors and therapists can’t change how society is structured (smashing the patriarchy isn’t yet on medical school curriculums!), but they can help you through the difficult times, and help you to develop really great coping strategies for stress.

Please feel free to ask any questions in the comments. If there is enough interest then I could write an article on the peri menopause, and how its symptoms can be similar to burnout? Let me know if this something you’d like to read!

References/further reading:

Domestic load stats: US Government data

Mental load: Ciciolla, Lucia; Luthar, Suniya S (2019). Invisible Household Labor and Ramifications for Adjustment: Mothers as Captains of Households. Sex Roles; New York Vol. 81, Iss. 7-8, 467-486. DOI:10.1007/s11199-018-1001-x

The different parts of the mental load: Daminger, A. (2019). The Cognitive Dimension of Household Labor. American Sociological Review, 84(4), 609–633. https://doi.org/10.1177/0003122419859007