The Burnout Doctor

Doctoring burnt out working professionals to manage stress and achieve career success

How to overcome perfectionism and burnout as a working mom

Perfectionism is the relentless pursuit of unattainably high standards, often fueled by internal pressures and societal expectations. For a working mom, this manifests in various ways: striving for a spotless home, preparing Instagram-worthy meals, ensuring young children excel in every activity, and climbing the corporate ladder—all while being a “perfect mom.”  This intense drive to meet unrealistic expectations can result in feelings of failure, even when you’re doing your absolute best. Social media often amplifies these pressures, showcasing picture-perfect families that create a false sense of what being a “good mom” looks like. The symptoms of mom burnout—physical exhaustion, emotional health struggles, and a pervasive sense of “not enough time”—are often rooted in the inability to let go of perfectionism.  

In this article, you can expect to learn how perfectionism shows up for working moms, its impact, the Perfectionist Cycle how to break it, and how perfectionism is linked to burnout.  Finally, you’ll learn 5 practical ways you can successfully overcome perfectionism in your daily life, and feel less stressed!  

About the author

Dr Claire Ashley is a passionate advocate for working moms and a soon-to-be-published author and public speaker specializing in stress management, burnout, and work-life balance. With personal experiences as a mother navigating societal pressures and professional challenges, she combines empathy with evidence-based advice to support moms striving for healthier, happier lives.

You can pre-order her debut book, The Burnout Doctor, from all good bookstores now!  

How perfectionism shows up for working moms

Perfectionism is a mindset characterized by setting excessively high standards and striving for flawlessness, often accompanied by critical self-evaluation. For working moms, perfectionism can be a double-edged sword: while it may drive them to excel in their careers and personal lives, it often leads to burnout, guilt, and dissatisfaction when those standards feel unattainable.  Let’s dive into what it feels like to experience perfectionism now: 

1. Thoughts:
Perfectionist working moms often believe they must be the perfect parent and employee simultaneously. This might sound like:

  • “If I’m not doing it all, I’m failing.”
  • “There’s a right way to do everything, and I need to find it.”
  • “Other moms seem to manage it better than I do.”

Society often reinforces these thoughts through expectations from workplaces, social media, and family dynamics.

2. Feelings:
The emotional toll of perfectionism can manifest as:

  • Anxiety over incomplete tasks on your to-do list
  • Guilt for prioritizing work over child care or vice versa
  • Resentment about unmet high expectations, either their own or others

In some cases, these feelings can escalate to mental health challenges like postpartum depression or panic attacks, particularly when moms feel they are constantly falling short.

3. Actions:
Perfectionism impacts behavior, often leading to:

  • Over-committing at work and home, leaving not enough hours for rest
  • Micromanaging household responsibilities to maintain control
  • Avoiding hard conversations about workload or boundaries
  • Using unhelpful coping mechanisms like having a glass of wine (or several!), or stress-eating

If this sounds like you, read on! 

The impact of perfectionism on working moms

Mental and emotional health

Constantly chasing perfection can deplete emotional reserves, leaving little space for joy or creativity. This may lead to chronic stress, which affects physical health, sleep quality, and resilience.

Time management challenges

Perfectionism often means spending excessive time on tasks that don’t align with a mom’s core values. For example, an hour perfecting a birthday cake might steal precious moments that could have been spent fostering strong relationships with their child or partner.

Work-life balance struggles

Perfectionism can cause working moms to view their dual roles as competing rather than complementary. Whether you’re working full-time or part-time, these moms often feel torn between achieving career success and being present at home.

The Perfectionist Cycle: how it traps you

Breaking the perfectionist cycle isn’t about lowering standards—it’s about choosing balance, self-care, and joy over the endless pursuit of "perfect."
Breaking the perfectionist cycle

Perfectionism is often fueled by the belief that achieving a lofty goal will finally bring relief, validation, or peace of mind. Instead, what typically happens is the perfectionist cycle:

  1. Unrealistic expectations: Setting impossibly high standards for yourself, whether at work, at home, or in parenting.
  2. Intense effort: Pouring immense time and energy into meeting these standards, often at the cost of physical and emotional health.
  3. Momentary achievement: Reaching the goal, but finding only fleeting satisfaction.
  4. Self-criticism: Instead of celebrating success, noticing minor flaws or ways you “could have done better.”
  5. Raising the bar: Setting an even higher standard for the next goal, restarting the cycle.

For working moms, this cycle is everywhere: striving for a spotless home, meeting every family obligation, excelling in a demanding job, or trying to be a “perfect mom” who never misses a soccer game or bedtime story. The problem is that achievement doesn’t break the cycle. It feeds it. Each success only raises the stakes, increasing internal pressures and perpetuating the sense of “never enough.”

Why achievement doesn’t satisfy perfectionists

For perfectionists, the satisfaction of reaching a goal is overshadowed by the focus on perceived flaws and the next challenge. This is because perfectionism isn’t about the goal but the fear of failure, inadequacy, or judgment. External achievements can’t fix the internal fear or need for control that drives perfectionism. Instead, chasing perfection leaves moms physically exhausted, emotionally depleted, and at risk of parental burnout.

What breaks the perfectionist cycle if it’s not achievement or success?

The key to breaking free is letting go of perfectionism and embracing being “good enough.” This requires a mindset shift prioritizing self-compassion, personal growth, and aligning with core values rather than external validation. Here’s how working moms can achieve this:

  1. Practice self-compassion: Replace harsh self-criticism with kindness. Treat yourself as you would a close friend.
  2. Redefine success: Focus on progress, connection, and meaningful moments rather than flawless results.
  3. Set healthy boundaries: Learn to say no to unrealistic expectations, whether from yourself, family members, or societal pressures.
  4. Focus on emotional health: Prioritize personal time, stress management, and activities that nourish your well-being.
  5. Celebrate small victories: Shift from chasing big achievements to appreciating the small steps and daily wins that reflect your hard work and love.

Working moms can take the first step by challenging the belief that their worth is tied to achievement. For instance, instead of striving for a spotless home, you might decide that a lived-in home filled with love is more meaningful.  By building a support system, learning to ask for help, and practicing gratitude for what you’ve already achieved, you can finally step off the hamster wheel of perfectionism.

Breaking the perfectionist cycle isn’t about lowering standards—it’s about choosing balance, self-care, and joy over the endless pursuit of “perfect.”

How perfectionism leads to burnout

Burnout occurs when stress levels reach a breaking point, and for working moms, perfectionism is a key contributor. Here’s how perfectionism creates a vicious cycle leading to mommy burnout:

  1. Unrealistic standards: Perfectionism sets moms up to feel like failures when you can’t do it all.
  2. Excessive workload: Household chores, family obligations, and professional life pile up, creating mental and physical exhaustion.
  3. Neglected boundaries: Many working moms have a hard time saying no, and overcommitting in your personal and professional lives.
  4. Depleted resources: Without proper stress management, moms reach their breaking point, experiencing symptoms of burnout like fatigue, irritability, and a loss of joy in daily life.

Recognizing signs of burnout

  • Constant physical exhaustion that isn’t alleviated by rest
  • Increased feelings of mom guilt or inadequacy
  • A sense of detachment from family members, especially young children
  • Loss of motivation in professional or personal growth
  • Persistent stress or anxiety, even at the end of the day

So, managing any perfectionism that you’re experiencing isn’t just about making how you think, feel, and act feel easier and less stressful- it’ll also help you to avoid burnout. 

Let’s move on to think about how you can achieve this! 

5 practical ways working moms can overcome perfectionism in their daily lives

5 practical but life-changing ways working moms can overcome perfectionism in their daily lives. Reframe “perfect” as “aligned with your core values” Challenge your inner critic with real-time statistics Embrace “good enough” parenting Practice self-compassion instead of guilt Seek practical support and professional help Read on to discover more and take your first steps towards a life free of perfectionism
5 practical but life-changing ways working moms can overcome perfectionism in their daily lives

Let’s explore five realistic, research-backed ways to overcome perfectionism, grounded in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and other evidence-based approaches.

1. Reframe “perfect” as “aligned with your core values”

Perfectionism often traps us into chasing an unattainable “right way” of doing things—whether at work or home. Instead, focus on what aligns with your core values.

  • Ask yourself: What truly matters to me as a mom and as a professional?
    For example, if spending quality time with your kids is a priority, remind yourself that building Lego towers or chatting over dinner is far more valuable than meticulously cleaning the house.

Practical tip:

Write down your top three values—such as connection, growth, or health—and keep them visible. Use them as a compass to decide where to invest your time and energy.

2. Challenge your inner critic with real-time statistics

Your inner perfectionist thrives on exaggeration: “I never do enough!” or “I’m a bad mom because I missed the bake sale.” Combat these thoughts with real-time statistics.

  • Look at your day objectively. Did you complete a new project at work? Did you read to your child before bed? These are sure signs you’re showing up in meaningful ways.

Practical tip:

Keep a journal of your daily wins—big and small. Seeing your accomplishments on paper can provide a sense of accomplishment and reduce feelings of inadequacy.

3. Embrace “good enough” parenting

There’s no such thing as a perfect time or a perfect sense of balance between work and motherhood. Psychologists call this the “good enough parent” principle—accepting that your love and care are what truly make you a good mother, not your ability to do it all.

  • Remember: Kids don’t need perfect primary caregivers; they need present, responsive, and loving ones.

Practical tip:

When you’re tempted to overdo it (like staying up all night to craft the “perfect” birthday party), pause and ask: Will this effort align with my child’s needs—or my perfectionist expectations?

4. Practice self-compassion instead of guilt

Feeling guilty is almost a default setting for individual moms trying to juggle everything. Instead of beating yourself up, practice self-compassion. Studies show that self-compassion reduces stress and increases resilience.

  • Replace negative self-talk with kindness: “I’m doing the best I can with the resources I have.”

Practical tip:

When you feel guilt creeping in (e.g., for working late or taking time for yourself), treat yourself as you would a friend: would you berate them or offer understanding?

5. Seek practical support and professional help

Perfectionism often worsens in the face of a lack of support. Whether it’s societal expectations or personal pressure, no one can tackle everything alone.

  • Consider enlisting practical support, such as a babysitter, meal delivery service, or a therapist. Many American moms have found a positive impact from professional guidance, particularly with CBT techniques to reframe perfectionist thoughts.

Practical tip:

Take advantage of your community, whether that’s swapping help with other moms or exploring professional help like therapy. Seeking support is not a sign of failure—it’s a sign of strength.

Final thoughts: permit yourself to live a beautiful, imperfect life

Perfectionism may whisper that there’s a right time and best way to do everything.  But the truth is that perfection isn’t the goal. The goal is connection, joy, and living in alignment with your values. For working moms, the last thing they need is more pressure. By embracing imperfection, prioritizing wisely, and seeking support, moms can find balance and peace in their beautifully imperfect lives.

As working moms, we’re told we can “have it all,” but perfectionism turns that promise into a burden. Worse, perfectionism and burnout often co-exist and feed into each other. By embracing strategies like aligning with your values, practicing self-compassion, and seeking support, you can create a beautiful life that’s meaningful, messy, and completely your own.

If you have any questions please feel free to leave them in the comments.  I’ll answer each one personally. 

Plus- if you enjoyed this article then you’ll love my weekly newsletter, The Phoenix.  The Phoenix doctors working mothers to overcome stress, prevent burnout, and create careers that work for them.  Sign up here.

References/Further reading

  1. American Psychological Association. (2021). The impact of parental burnout. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/10/cover-parental-burnout
  2. Mayo Clinic. (2023). Job burnout: How to spot it and take action. Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/burnout/art-20046642
  3. Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2022). Rising parental expectations linked to perfectionism in college students. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2022/03/parental-expectations-perfectionism
  4. American Psychological Association. (2021). Understanding Perfectionism. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2011/perfectionism
  5. Harris, R. (2009). ACT Made Simple: An Easy-to-Read Primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. New Harbinger Publications.

Understanding ADHD burnout symptoms and recovery in women

Here’s why you need to be aware of the ADHD burnout cycle. There is a new generation – particularly of adult women – being diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). These women typically have not been diagnosed in early life because they have been able to mask their symptoms sufficiently. Or, perhaps because they presented in a different way than expected.

Many adult women, especially working moms, are receiving ADHD diagnoses later in life. This is a reality that comes as both a revelation and a relief.  For years, these women may have struggled through daily life. Meeting work demands, managing family responsibilities, and navigating social interactions, all the while feeling like they’re falling short. Understanding why so many women with ADHD are diagnosed later in life is key. It requires looking at how symptoms manifest differently in females, the societal expectations placed on women, and the challenges associated with “masking” ADHD traits.  The result, for many, is burnout, and in particular, rapid ADHD burnout cycles.

Why do ADHD diagnoses come later for women?

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects executive functioning, attention, and impulsivity. ADHD has traditionally been studied in boys, and the symptoms associated with it (like hyperactivity and impulsiveness) are often more visible and disruptive.  Research shows that ADHD in girls and women often presents differently.  

Women are more likely to experience inattentive symptoms like forgetfulness, disorganization, and difficulty focusing on daily tasks. These symptoms can be less obvious and are often mistakenly attributed to personality quirks or stress rather than a neurodevelopmental condition. This gendered misunderstanding of ADHD symptoms is a significant reason why many women go undiagnosed until adulthood.

ADHD in adulthood might look like this: 

having difficulty finishing projects once the challenging parts have been done; 

having difficulty organizing tasks and getting things in order; 

forgetting appointments and obligations; 

avoiding or delaying tasks that require a lot of thought; 

needing to fidget or do something with the hands or feet when in meetings or having to sit still for long periods; 

feeling overly active and compelled to move; 

making careless mistakes when working on a tedious or repetitive task or piece of work; 

having difficulty concentrating on what people say; 

regularly losing items such as keys, wallets or phones; 

lack of motivation;

sleep problems;

being distracted by activity and noise; 

having difficulty relaxing and unwinding; 

sensitive dysphoria;

poor time management;

talking a lot in social situations, interrupting other people, finishing off other people’s sentences; 

finding it hard to wait your turn in situations where this is expected or required. 

The role of masking and burnout

As adults, many women adapt by “masking” their symptoms.  Masking is consciously or unconsciously hiding behaviors and working overtime to meet societal expectations. This masking involves compensatory strategies like working extra hours, hyper-focusing on specific tasks, and maintaining an external appearance of control.  While these strategies help women get through the day, they also lead to chronic stress, mental exhaustion, and a cycle of burnout symptoms. Over time, the emotional dysregulation that is often part of ADHD becomes harder to hide. This ultimately leads to emotional exhaustion, frustration, and the need for professional help.

Masking ADHD symptoms isn’t just exhausting; it creates a vicious cycle.  Women with undiagnosed ADHD often feel overwhelmed by the unique challenges of daily life, experiencing ADHD burnout symptoms like fatigue, mental fog, and emotional exhaustion.  Constantly “keeping it together” for others or working extra hours to stay organized drains cognitive and emotional resources.  Over time, this burnout amplifies ADHD symptoms, making it even harder to manage daily tasks.

For working moms, life stressors like balancing work and family responsibilities, managing household schedules, and handling social interactions add layers of stress.  Events like a career transition, the birth of a child, or relationship changes can “unmask” ADHD symptoms.  These pivotal moments increase the pressure to manage everything flawlessly. It makes it impossible to keep up with the masking behaviors that were once used to cope. The chronic stress of these situations exacerbates emotional dysregulation and ADHD symptoms, pushing women toward a tipping point where they seek a diagnosis.

The link between ADHD and increased burnout risk

Living with undiagnosed ADHD often leads to a cycle of chronic stress and burnout.  Women with ADHD tend to internalize their struggles, believing they should be able to manage like everyone else.  This self-imposed pressure leads to guilt, emotional exhaustion, and feelings of inadequacy. This only worsens as they struggle to keep up with the demands of daily lives. There is evidence to suggest that ADHD is linked to burnout. This association may be particularly relevant for women who are diagnosed later in life. 

ADHD burnout symptoms are particularly challenging for working moms who are already stretched thin. Women with undiagnosed ADHD face higher risks of emotional dysregulation, including mood swings and heightened anxiety.  When ADHD is masked or ignored, these symptoms worsen, leading to burnout and impacting physical and mental health.  This burnout often compounds feelings of self-blame, adding yet another layer of emotional strain to an already overwhelming experience.

You can see from the list of symptoms above that people with undiagnosed ADHD are likely to struggle with some important aspects of work. In particular, difficulties with time management, organizational skills, and stress management at work lead to a higher rate of burnout in those with ADHD. 

Regardless of biological sex or gender, for people with ADHD, burnout is normally caused by unmanaged symptoms. However, workplace stressors (particularly tight deadlines and a heavy workload requiring concentration) and unhealthy coping mechanisms (like avoidance and social withdrawal) are also factors.  Masking can be very stressful, too, and certainly can factor into the development of burnout. 

What ADHD burnout looks like:

For people with ADHD, especially undiagnosed adults, the burnout cycle is a frequent and challenging experience.  In addition, the risk of burnout is much higher in ADHD than in those who are neurotypical.  ADHD burnout goes beyond the typical exhaustion. It includes both mental and physical fatigue, emotional dysregulation, and significant challenges in managing daily tasks.  The cycle often begins with high levels of motivation and overcommitment, driven by a desire to “prove oneself” or compensate for perceived shortcomings. However, without adequate rest and boundaries, this can lead to periods of extreme fatigue, decreased productivity, and eventually, burnout.

ADHD symptoms make it hard to commit and follow through on work tasks. This then leads to an accumulation of stress and adoption of unhealthy coping techniques (such as avoidance, procrastination, and self-medication). This then leads to withdrawal (quitting, giving up on tasks, and withdrawing socially), before going back to feeling overwhelmed and stressed.  

Workplace pressures mean that people with ADHD take significantly more stress-related days off sick than those who do not have ADHD.

Common symptoms in the ADHD burnout cycle include:

The ADHD burnout cycle
  1. High motivation and overcommitment – This initial phase includes a high drive to take on more responsibilities and projects.
  2. Accumulating mental and physical exhaustion – The continuous effort leads to fatigue.
  3. Emotional dysregulation – Symptoms such as anxiety and mood swings start to surface.
  4. Difficulty with daily tasks – Basic tasks feel overwhelming, leading to procrastination and feelings of being stuck.
  5. Social withdrawal – Individuals may start avoiding social interactions, and feeling emotionally drained.
  6. Burnout – Complete exhaustion, both mentally and physically, where managing any responsibility feels unmanageable.

This cycle feeds into itself. Burnout often leads back to the first stage when energy temporarily returns, restarting the process. 

How to successfully manage the ADHD burnout cycle

Quite shockingly, there is very little work done on how to successfully manage burnout in ADHD (just three studies known at the time of writing!).  

The difficulty with this lack of scientific work and evidence-based advice means that when there is an information vacuum, it gets filled with advice that doesn’t necessarily work or isn’t always helpful. 

Work stressors are a factor in the ADHD burnout cycle, but fundamentally the cycle is driven by the ADHD itself.  Therefore, concentrating on neurotypical burnout recovery measures alone will not be enough to break the ADHD burnout cycle alone.  There are some extra things to be aware of that will need your attention to successfully break the cycle of ADHD burnout. 

Managing  ADHD symptoms will form a key part of the recovery process.  Unmanaged, the symptoms of ADHD can make it very difficult to focus, sit still, and complete tasks on time. Regardless of whether you manage this with medication, therapy, or changes to your routine or work habits, it’s important to reduce the negative impact of these symptoms on your work to help manage burnout. 

Procrastination and avoidance can also factor into ADHD burnout because these cause stress by creating a backlog of tasks. Impulsivity can lead to not finishing work tasks and taking on too much. Taking on too many responsibilities and tasks is a common pitfall of people with ADHD, who tend to have a lot of energy, motivation, and optimism about how much they can do. Unfortunately, they may not be realistic with themselves or others about how much they can do or how quickly they can accomplish their goals. 

ADHD masking can also be exhausting. Not only does it contribute to ADHD burnout directly in itself, but it can also affect relationships and expectations from employers and co-workers. 

With these difficulties in mind, let’s move on to discover 8 proven strategies to help break the recurrent and exhausting cycle of ADHD burnout.

8 powerful strategies to help break the cycle of ADHD burnout: 

1. Get a ADHD diagnosis and learn to understand your neurodivergent brain!  Depending on where you live, this can be tricky, as waiting lists can be long.  But, if your symptoms are significant then having a diagnosis can be a real game changer.  

2. Consider ADHD medication – mediation will help to control ADHD control symptoms and minimize their impact on your burnout risk.  You don’t need to take medication every day if you don’t want or need to.  A lot of people take medication on work, university, or school days when they need to focus or quieten down their brains.  Any decision to take medication must be based on understanding the risks and benefits. Please speak to your doctor if you think this would be helpful for you. 

3. Access specialist support from an ADHD-trained therapist (CBT or DBT) or ADHD coach – Having the right tools to manage ADHD symptoms outside of medication is really important.  Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) are both evidence based in the management of ADHD.

The skills learned with these types of therapy are pretty much everything you need to know to successfully break the ADHD burnout cycle!  However, while CBT is recommended to help control ADHD symptoms, not everyone with ADHD feels it is helpful for them. If if this is you then you’re certainly not alone.  DBT, or ADHD coaching might be the better approach in this instance.

In the UK, you can access funding for ADHD coaching through the Access to Work program. 

4. Get help to learn self-compassion and self-acceptance skills- a very common experience with ADHD burnout is guilt and shame.  Learning to treat yourself with kindness through coaching, therapy or a support group is helpful.

6. Unmask your ADHD – masking is exhausting. Let the mask drop. Be honest about your ADHD with yourself and the people around you, and let them help you! It’ll feel a much lighter burden to carry when you do this. 

7. Request appropriate reasonable adjustments from your employer, to help ease the impact of your ADHD symptoms on your work life and subsequent stress levels. For instance, open-plan offices can cause sensory overwhelm in ADHD, which then leads to decreased work performance.  Your employer would give you reasonable adjustments to help manage this. For instance, you could have the option of having your own office, but if that’s not possible, try noise-canceling headphones instead. Alternatively, your employer could also provide a quiet and private decompression space.

8. Practice mindfulness. Regular mindfulness exercises reduce inattentiveness, hyperactivity, and impulsivity in people with ADHD. Mindfulness also has a secondary benefit in reducing stress and preventing burnout. If meditating isn’t your thing, then doing flow/meditative activities such as yoga and Tai Chi are just as beneficial. 

Final thoughts on understanding ADHD burnout: symptoms and recovery 

ADHD in women, particularly working moms, comes with unique challenges and stressors that can lead to mental and emotional exhaustion. Undiagnosed ADHD often traps women in a cycle of masking and burnout, intensified by life’s ever-growing demands. But recognizing these challenges is the first step to change. With an accurate diagnosis, professional support, and self-compassion, women can find ways to manage ADHD in daily life, easing the chronic stress that once felt insurmountable. The journey isn’t easy, but with the right support and tools, it’s possible to reclaim balance, joy, and self-acceptance.

If you’re a working mom, please sign up for my email newsletter The Phoenix. The link is below.

10 challenges working moms face returning to work after burnout (and how to overcome them)

If you’re a working mom who’s taken time off, the prospect of returning to work after burnout can feel daunting, if not downright terrifying. One of the key features of the burnout recovery process is that it takes so much longer than hoped to recover completely. The average burnout recovery takes 1-3 years. But, if you have taken sick leave then the average time off in burnout is 3.5 months. Therefore, it is critically important to appreciate that if you have taken sick leave, you will be returning to work long before you are fully recovered.

What this means in practice is that you must make changes at work to prevent your burnout from getting worse again. You’re going to be going back to work at a potentially vulnerable period of your recovery.

How to overcome the challenges of going back to work after burnout (without burning out again)
How to overcome the challenges of going back to work after burnout (without burning out again)

The idea of re-entering the workforce might very well make you want to crawl back under the duvet (and who could blame you!). But don’t panic! Returning to work after burnout is possible. Returning to work and staying well is also possible. Yes, it’s challenging, but with the right plan and support system, you can re-enter the workplace in a way that is sustainable, healthy, and balanced. In this post, you’ll explore some of the core challenges that moms face when returning to work after burnout. Most importantly, you’ll also read some actionable advice to help you transition back into your career without losing the hard-earned peace you’ve found.

The Core Challenges of Returning to Work After Burnout for working moms- and how to overcome them

Burnout isn’t just about being tired—it’s about feeling completely depleted, mentally, emotionally, and physically. If you’re a working mom who’s taken time off to recover, returning to the office (or your work-from-home desk) can feel like trying to climb Everest in flip-flops. But, fear not, you can navigate this transition successfully!

Let’s dive into the 10 biggest challenges you’ll face when going back to work after burnout and, most importantly, how to tackle them with compassion, practicality… and maybe a touch of humor.

The 10 core challenges of returning to work after burnout: Fear of relapse Feeling guilty for taking time off Worry about what colleagues will think Reduced energy levels Fear of overwhelm Unrealistic expectations Changed workplace dynamics Maintaining work-life balance Worry about competence Feeling isolated/unsupported
The core challenges of returning to work after burnout

Challenge #1: Fear of Relapsing into Burnout

The number one fear when returning to work after burnout? Ending up right back where you started—overwhelmed, exhausted, and heading toward burnout 2.0.

The solution: set firm boundaries on returning to work after burnout

Don’t fall into the same habits that led to burnout. Be clear about your limits from the outset.

Actionable tip: Practice saying “no.” You don’t have to be available for every meeting or project. Block off time in your schedule for “deep work” or self-care breaks—and treat these as non-negotiable.

Bonus tip: If you want to return to work and avoid relapse then you must tackle the root cause of the burnout in the first place. There are 6 work factors that cause burnout- read more about them in part one here, and part two here. Take some time to identify which ones have affected you, and take steps to reduce their impact using the exercises and advice provided.

Challenge #2: Feeling Guilt for Taking Time Off

Working moms are notorious for feeling guilty, and when you add time off for burnout, it really does feel like you’ve failed, or -worse- let others down.

The solution: embrace the power of self compassion

Guilt isn’t your friend here. You took time off to heal, and that was the best thing you could do for everyone—including your family and colleagues.

Actionable tip: When the guilt creeps in, remind yourself that burnout is the result of prolonged stress at work. In fact, it is considered to be the body’s normal response to long term stress. It isn’t even officially recognised as a medical or mental health problem! It is therefore not a weakness. Repeat the mantra: “I am not a robot. I deserve rest, recovery, and wellbeing.”

Challenge #3: Worry About What Colleagues Will Think

You’re concerned that coworkers might see you differently or doubt your abilities now that you’ve taken time off for burnout. You might even feel that you owe them an explanation about why you’ve been off.

The solution: decide how much you’re willing to share before you return to work, and own your decision

You don’t have to share anything with your colleagues if you don’t feel comfortable to. But, you’ll need to be prepared in case of any questions. If you decide not to talk about the reasons for your sick leave, this is absolutely fine. Ensure that you have a one-line statement prepared to use when you’re asked.

If you decide that you are happy to share why you’ve been off, then be proud of the fact that you took proactive steps to prioritize your mental health. Remember, there’s no need to over explain yourself.

Actionable tip: Prepare a simple statement to address it: “I took some time to recharge, and now I’m ready to give my best to the work that matters most.”

Challenge #4: Reduced Energy Levels

Burnout recovery doesn’t end when you clock back in. Your energy reserves might still be low, and you can’t just jump back in at full throttle. Remember that you’re still only months into a recovery that will take years to be complete.

The solution: manage your expectations about your productivity and performance on returning to work after burnout

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was your career. Ease back into your work routine and be realistic about what you can handle. This can be very challenging for the personality types that tend to burn out!

Actionable tip: Organize your tasks using the “energy ladder”—tackle the high-energy tasks when you’re feeling freshest and save lower-energy work for the afternoon when you’re naturally more drained.

Challenge #5: The Fear of Overwhelm

The thought of juggling work, kids, and home life all over again might feel overwhelming. Your to-do list may look more like a novel than a checklist.

The Solution: learn to delegate

You don’t have to do everything yourself. Delegate tasks both at work and at home.

Actionable tip: Make a list of all the tasks you can delegate—whether that’s having a coworker take on some projects or getting help at home. Then actually delegate them! This isn’t failure; it’s smart time management.

Challenge #6: Unrealistic Expectations

You might have grand ideas about returning to work and immediately being the powerhouse you were before. But burnout changes things, and that’s okay.

The solution: learn to pace yourself

Recognize that you are not the same person who left, and that’s actually a good thing. You’re coming back with new perspectives and priorities. Don’t take on too much too soon- build up gradually. Think of it like you’re returning to the gym after time out for a physical injury. If you broke your ankle 6 weeks ago, you’re not going to run a marathon the first time you step foot on a treadmill! You’re going to be cautious and build up your strength and stamina over time. You must take the same approach with return to work after burnout.

Actionable tip: Break your goals into bite-sized, manageable pieces. Celebrate small wins—whether it’s finishing a report or just getting through a meeting without feeling frazzled.

Challenge #7: Workplace Dynamics Have Changed

Maybe there’s been a restructure, or your team dynamics have shifted while you were away. Walking into a changed work environment can feel disorienting.

The solution: communicate and reconnect

If you can, catching up with your boss before you return to talk about any changes that have happened in your absence is a great place to start. On return, take time to get caught up on any changes and reconnect with colleagues. It’s okay to admit you’re feeling a little out of the loop.

Actionable tip: Schedule one-on-one coffee chats or video calls with key team members. Ask them to bring you up to speed on what’s changed, and let them know you’re excited to collaborate again.

Challenge #8: Struggling to Maintain Work-Life Balance on return to work after burnout

It is essential that you avoid bringing work home with you after burnout- you don’t want to end up in a cycle of overwork and increasing stress like before, and run the risk of another episode of burnout.

The solution: create non-negotiable work-life boundaries

Work can wait. Your mental health and family cannot. Stick to your working hours and carve out personal time that’s sacred.

Actionable tip: Set “no work” zones. This might be no checking emails after 6 p.m. or not working on weekends unless absolutely necessary. Communicate these boundaries to your team (and yourself!) early and often.

Challenge #9: Worry About Competence

It’s normal to worry if you’ve “still got it” after time away. You might fear that your skills are rusty or that you won’t be able to keep up with the fast pace.

The solution: focus on what you can control

You’re still the capable, talented person you were before burnout. Trust your abilities, and remember that learning curves are normal.

Actionable tip: Before you return, brush up on key skills or take a refresher course in your field to boost your confidence. This proactive step will make you feel more in control and prepared. Alternatively, do the circle of control exercise as outlined in this article.

Challenge #10: Feeling Isolated or Unsupported

Coming back to work after such a personal struggle can feel isolating, especially if you’re not sure how to talk about it.

The solution: build your support network

You don’t have to go through this alone. Whether it’s a mentor at work, a fellow working mom, or a coach, surround yourself with people who “get it.” The research on burnout is very clear: supportive relationships are one of the key predictors of a successful burnout recovery. Therefore, building your support network is essential.

Actionable tip: Join a working mom or wellness group at work, or create one if it doesn’t exist! Being around others who share your challenges makes a world of difference. Keep open lines of communication with your manager and advocate for yourself when needed.

Final Thoughts about returning to work after burnout

Returning to work after burnout isn’t just about going back to your job. Rather, it’s about re-entering the workforce on your terms, with healthier boundaries, better priorities, and renewed strength. You’ve already done a huge amount of hard work in both recognizing, and starting the healing process from burnout. You must return with improved coping strategies for your stress, new boundaries, and a clearer understanding of your needs. With a thoughtful approach and a focus on your well-being, you can return to work, reclaim your energy, and build a sustainable career that works for you.

Take it one step at a time, and remember: progress is progress, no matter how slow it seems (or, indeed if it feels that you are taking steps back). Thanks to your burnout, you now know better than ever how to take care of yourself going forward.

If you’d like to hear more about my own thoughts about returning to work after burnout, then please do listen to this podcast where I talk to Dr Katya Miles about exactly this!

In this episode, we cover:


Why you need time off work with burnout
What things you need to do to prepare to return to work after burnout
Who you need to help you to return to work well
What changes and/or reasonable adjustments might be helpful for your return, both in the short term and in the long term
What a realistic return to work looks and feels like.


Whilst both Katya and I are both doctors, today’s episode is for anyone who is returning to work after burnout and a period of sick leave.

Career advice that working moms should never take

Here is all the career advice that working moms should never take.

The majority of the bad career advice given generally comes from a good place and is well intentioned. But, so many people don’t understand just how challenging it is to be a working mom.

The unfortunate truth is that working moms can’t have it all. And, if you try to have it all eventually something has to give. Sadly, this normally ends up being your mental health. Working moms are more at risk of burnout than men (regardless of their parental status), and women that aren’t parents. If you are worried that you might be burning out then please do this quiz and follow the next step advice to start to feel better immediately.

When you become a working mom, it feels like the entire career advice rulebook gets thrown out the window. Suddenly, the things that were simple before—networking, career growth, balancing work and life—seem like they were written for someone who has endless time and zero dependents. So, let’s dive into ten pieces of classic career advice, why they don’t work for moms, and what to do instead.

Warning: I’m sprinkling this with some real talk!

Career advice that working moms should never take: the top 10 pieces of classic career advice (and what to do instead)

1. “Just work harder.” (aka hustle culture)

Why it doesn’t work:  Ah, yes, hustle culture. As if you’re not already juggling work deadlines, school pick-ups, and remembering which kid needs to bring in a cake for the school sale tomorrow. For moms, “hustling” harder simply just means “more stress”. There’s only so much you can run on coffee and nerves alone.

What to do instead: Don’t do more, do less—strategically. Focus on a few key work tasks that have the highest impact, and then be ruthless about your boundaries. Outsource or delegate where possible (yes, even housework counts).

To help you identify which tasks to leave, and which to delegate, then the Eisenhower Matrix is a super helpful too to help you! You can read more about how you can use the Eisenhower Matrix to tackle your to-do list here.

How to use the Eisenhower Matrix to conquer your to-do list.
How to use the Eisenhower Matrix to conquer your to-do list.

(side note: I really think that the Eisenhower Matrix is well overdue a working mom makeover. Watch this space!)

2. “You need to be available 24/7 to succeed.”

Why it doesn’t work: You’re already available 24/7—to your kids. The thought of also being available to your job, colleagues, and clients at all hours is enough to make you cry into your third cup of cold tea.

What to do instead:  Lean into your boundaries. Set clear working hours, communicate them, and stick to them like they’re written in stone. Set these expectations early too —both for your employer and your family. You’ll earn respect by being firm about your time, and, surprisingly, things will still get done even if you’re not always on call.

3. “Network, network, network!”

Why it doesn’t work: Yes, let’s just pop off to a networking event after a full day of work- when in reality you need to sprint to nursery to pick up your toddler up last (again). Sure, that’s easy!

What to do instead: Use your time wisely. Instead of traditional networking events, leverage online platforms like LinkedIn. Send a meaningful message to a connection while melting at their swimming lessons, or join a relevant Facebook group where you can participate on your own time. Networking doesn’t have to mean cocktail hours—it can happen from your sofa while your kids watch cartoons (also- screen time is fine. Do whatever it takes!).

4. “Just say yes to every opportunity!”

Why it doesn’t work: Saying “yes” to everything when you’re a mom is like willingly walking into quicksand. There’s only so much “yes” to go around before you feel overwhelmed, overcommitted, and burned out.

What to do instead: Channel your inner toddler and learn the power of “no.” Politely decline opportunities that don’t align with your goals or values. And when you do say yes, make sure it’s to something that genuinely excites you or furthers your career in a way that’s worth your limited energy. It’s about being strategic about what you say yes to!

Halfway through! Keep reading to learn classic career advice for working moms that you should never take

5. “You just need to be more productive.”

Why it doesn’t work: The old “be more productive” mantra, as if you’re a factory churning out mountains of plastic tat. The truth is, when you’re balancing the emotional, mental, and physical load of both work and family, there are days when just surviving feels like an accomplishment.

What to do instead: Redefine productivity. It’s not about doing more in less time—it’s about doing the right things in the time you have. Focus on three key tasks a day. If you nail those, you’re winning, even if the laundry remains a monument to your procrastination (as mine does!!)

6. “You need to climb the corporate ladder.”

Why it doesn’t work: Climbing a ladder requires two hands and two feet. Let’s be real, for you one hand is usually holding a baby, and the other is answering work emails whilst simultaneously trying to drink a cold coffee and shovel a late lunch into your mouth.

What to do instead: Forget the ladder. Focus on building a career lattice instead—a flexible, non-linear path that allows you to shift horizontally, take breaks, or even step back when needed. Career progression doesn’t have to be a straight line, especially when you’re navigating the beautifully messy world of motherhood.

7. “Stay late at the office to show you’re committed.”

Why it doesn’t work: Staying late is a no-go when you have a daycare pick-up deadline that’s more rigid than the Queen’s Guard. Commitment has been treated the same as visibility for far too long.

What to do instead: Work smart, not long. Use your time at work wisely and avoid the office “stay late” trap. Deliver results within your working hours, and if possible, explore flexible working arrangements. Commitment isn’t measured by hours, it’s measured by impact. At least, it should be. If your employer isn’t being sensitive to your new normal, it might be time to look for a job elsewhere.

8. “You should always aim for a promotion.”

Why it doesn’t work: Promotions often come with more responsibility, longer hours, and more stress. For many mums, the goal isn’t always about climbing higher—it’s about finding balance and keeping everything (mostly) intact.

What to do instead: Redefine what “success” means to you. After having kids what success means to you will almost inevitably change. You might still want to climb the ladder- in which case, go for it! For others, it’s about creating a sustainable work-life rhythm that allows for career fulfilment and family time. Aim for roles that align with your values and offer the flexibility you need.

9. “Make your personal life secondary to your career.”

Why it doesn’t work: For working moms, the personal and professional are forever intertwined. No one lives in a vacuum, and there are days when your kid’s school play is more important than a client presentation. And that’s OK.

What to do instead: Embrace integration over separation. Let go of the idea that your personal and professional lives are in competition. Some days your career will take the spotlight, other days it’ll be your family, and that’s perfectly fine. Balance is a moving target. Also- it’s ok to not be be achieving 100% in every single aspect of your life.

10. “Never take a break or gap in your career.”

Why it doesn’t work: Life doesn’t always unfold the way you hoped, or planned. Whether it’s for maternity leave, caregiving, or mental health, there are times when a break is necessary, not a career killer.

What to do instead: Take the break if you need it. Be kind to yourself. So many women have returned from career breaks stronger, more focused, and with a clearer sense of purpose. You can always pick up where you left off, and there’s no shame in pausing to recalibrate.

Traditional career advice just wasn’t built with the complexities of working motherhood in mind. And, while some of it might seem helpful in theory, it often falls flat in the face of real-life responsibilities. But, don’t despair—you’re doing an incredible job. By reworking the rules to fit your life, you’ll find your own path to success, fulfilment, and maybe even a little bit of peace.

If you enjoyed this post on classic career advice for working moms, then you’ll love my email newsletter, the Phoenix. And let me know in the comments which piece of advice was your favourite!

The 6 work factors that cause burnout, and how you can successfully stop them now- part 2

Welcome to part 2 of the 6 work factors that cause burnout. If you work a stressful job, or if you are feeling burnt out then knowing the root cause of your stress is essential. Only then can you start to truly tackle burnout. There are 6 work factors that cause burnout. Burnout is caused by a problem with just one or more of these factors. That’s right, just one.

As there is too much to cover in a single post, the 6 work factors that cause burnout are split into 2 parts. Part one covers control, reward and values. You can read part one by clicking here. You might also enjoy reading the Harvard Business Review’s take on the 6 work factors too- click here for more.

Let’s crack on with part 2, which covers the remaining 3 work factors that cause burnout. This will help you to understand how and why they cause burnout. Following on from this, you will also learn how you can effectively tackle them! 

Burnout workplace factor 4: Community

The 6 work factors that cause burnout: community
The 6 work factors that cause burnout: community

It will probably come as no surprise to learn the being part of a healthy and supportive team at work greatly helps in protecting against burnout.  Achieving this can be as simple as evaluating how your teams function and making small, evidence-based changes. Whilst these suggestions might seem obvious and small (some of them really are low hanging fruit), but their impact is significant.

Equally, if there is a toxic work culture where people are not supportive of each other, then burnout will be common.

How to build better teams to prevent burnout:

Take a look at these effective, simple, and scientifically proven strategies for preventing burnout by building a better team. Incredibly, these strategies are easy to implement, but have huge benefits in creating good communities at work.

Socialising with colleagues outside of work

Providing positive social support, such as sharing and celebrating successes within the team

Expressing gratitude within teams

Simple changes like the ones mentioned above can significantly strengthen your community and protect against burnout.

Step One:

Take a moment to reflect. What small changes could you make in your work team make to improve socialising, provide positive support, and express gratitude?  

Step Two:

Next- consider how this could be achieved. Read on to get some inspiration!

How you can feel less isolated at work:

Here are 3 things you can do today to make a difference!

3 small changes you can make at work to feel less isolated (and reduce your chances of burnout)- 1. organise a team lunch or coffee break, 2. start a kudos board, 3. express gratitude in meetings. Read on..
3 small changes you can make at work to feel less isolated

Organise a Team Lunch or Coffee Break:

Invite your colleagues to join you for lunch or a coffee break. This provides an opportunity to socialise and build stronger relationships outside of the usual work environment. Even a virtual coffee break can foster connection if working remotely.

Start a “Kudos” Board:

Create a physical or digital “kudos” board where team members can post notes of appreciation for each other’s contributions and successes. This simple act of recognising and celebrating achievements can boost morale and provide positive social support.

Express Gratitude in Meetings:

Begin team meetings by taking a few minutes to express gratitude. Each team member can share something they are grateful for or acknowledge a colleague’s help. This practice can create a positive atmosphere and strengthen team bonds.

Implementing these small, practical actions can help build a supportive community and reduce the risk of burnout.

Burnout workplace factor 5: Fairness

The 6 work factors that cause burnout: 5- fairness
The 6 work factors that cause burnout: 5- fairness

When employees are treated fairly, everyone wins, and it’s a very effective tool in protecting individuals from burnout. Yet, in some companies it feels like treating employees fairly is very difficult to achieve. 

A fundamental part of creating a safe and fair working culture is being able to create an environment where employees can raise concerns in a way that doesn’t jeopardise their safety at work. There are lots of ways that this can be achieved, such as tackling incivility on an organisational level and building a culture of psychological safety. If you’re not familiar with this term, psychological safety simply means being able to raise concerns and the ability to feed back without fear of negative consequences.  

This is a difficult work factor to manage successfully as an individual. If you feel that you are not being treated fairly at work, ask yourself if you feel that you are safe to ask for change- and if not, perhaps now’s the time to think about moving on. 

What to do if you’re not being treated fairly at work:

Here are 4 practical pieces of advice which are perfect if you are stressed, burnt out, and feel that you are not being treated fairly at work:

4 ways to successfully raise issues of unfairness at work (and reduce your chances of burnout) 1. document everything, 2. find allies, 3 get outside help, 4. evaluate your career options
4 ways to successfully raise issues of unfairness at work
  1. Document everything

Keep a detailed record of instances where you feel you are not being treated fairly.  Note dates, times, people involved, and specific details of each incident, but keep it factual rather than opinion (even if you are justifiably upset).  This documentation can be invaluable if you decide to raise your concerns formally or seek external support.

  1. Find allies

Connect with trusted colleagues, a mentor, or a supportive supervisor to share your experiences and seek advice. Having allies within the organisation can provide emotional support and might help amplify your concerns to management. Additionally, consider reaching out to your company’s human resources department or employee assistance programs (if available).

  1. Get help from outside your organisation

If you find that internal avenues for addressing fairness issues are ineffective or unsafe, consider seeking external advice. This could include consulting with a union, a legal advisor, or a professional organisation related to your field.  ACAS is a useful place to start if you are UK based. 

  1. Evaluate your career options

Even if it feels against your ethical or moral compass, sometimes the fight just isn’t worth it. Consider whether it might be time to look for a new job where the work culture aligns better with your values and where you feel fairly treated.

Burnout workplace factor 6: Workload

the 6 work factors that cause burnout: 6 workload
the 6 work factors that cause burnout: 6 workload

To prevent burnout, it’s essential that your workload matches your skill level, knowledge base, seniority, job description, career plan, and life stage. Your capacity for workload is often influenced by factors outside of work.  For instance, bereavement or illness can temporarily reduce your capacity for your workload. It’s crucially important that your employer is responsive and sympathetic to this.

It is essential that you feel pleasantly stretched and challenged by your workload, rather than persistently overwhelmed and unable to manage. In burnout, workload becomes problematic when it is either too much, or too complex for your skills and knowledge.

It’s okay to face an increased workload temporarily. For example, in retail, the holiday season can be extremely busy, but once the season ends, the workload lightens, allowing for recovery.  Burnout occurs when the pressure is sustained over a long period.

Productivity hacks and time-management skills can only go so far if your workload is persistently overwhelming. Employers must take responsibility for adjusting expectations and making reasonable accommodations. When workload issues contribute to burnout, generally speaking individual coping strategies alone are not enough.

Common Workload Problems and Solutions

Here are some common workload problems and possible solutions:

Problem 1: You are frequently interrupted during your work, leading to difficulty completing tasks and increased stress.

Solution: Discuss with your manager the possibility of setting designated quiet times or implementing a “do not disturb” policy during critical work periods.  Put this time in your diary.  Perhaps consider working in a quiet area in the office, if this is possib;e, or changing your online status to be unavailable and turning off your Slack notifications temporarily.  This can help you focus and manage your workload more effectively.

Problem 2: You are regularly assigned urgent tasks with unrealistic deadlines, causing constant stress and overtime.

Solution: Keep a detailed record of these urgent tasks and their deadlines. Present this information to your manager and discuss setting more realistic deadlines or delegating some tasks to other team members to balance the workload.

Problem 3: You are handling administrative tasks that take up a significant portion of your time, detracting from your primary responsibilities.

Solution: Request administrative support or suggest the implementation of more efficient processes or tools. This can help free up your time to focus on your core responsibilities and reduce stress.

How to raise workload problems in a way that brings about changes:

Whatever your workload problem is, it can be very difficult to raise this issue with your boss.  Here are some top tips for doing this well:

1. Prepare and document your case

  1. Keep a detailed record of your tasks, the time each takes, and any overtime or missed deadlines. This helps illustrate the extent of your workload.
  2. Clearly outline the main problems you’re facing, such as excessive hours, unrealistic deadlines, or tasks outside your job description.
  3. Think of potential solutions beforehand, such as redistributing tasks, extending deadlines, or hiring additional help. Presenting solutions shows that you’re proactive and committed to finding a resolution, and this is more likely to be received well than being presented with a list of problems alone. 
What do you do when you realise your work is too stressful? you start here.
What do you do when you realise your work is too stressful? you start here.

2. Schedule a dedicated meeting

  1. Ask for a dedicated time to discuss your workload, rather than bringing it up in passing. This ensures your boss is prepared to give you their full attention.
  2. Try to schedule the meeting during a calm period rather than a busy or stressful time for your boss. This increases the chances of a thoughtful and productive discussion.
  3. Let your boss know the purpose of the meeting in advance, so they understand the importance and can come prepared.  This also means that you will worry less about telling them the issue for the first time face to face.

3. Communicate effectively 

  1. Clearly explain how the workload is affecting your performance and well-being. Use specific examples from your documentation to illustrate your points.
  2. Approach the conversation calmly and professionally. Focus on finding constructive solutions rather than just expressing frustration.
  3. Express your commitment to your role and your desire to find a workable solution. Emphasise that you’re seeking a balanced workload to maintain high performance and job satisfaction.  

These steps can help ensure your concerns are taken seriously and lead to effective changes that will reduce any burnout you are experiencing. 

As always, if you have any questions feel free to ask in the comments. If you’re a working mom then you’ll love my email newsletter, the Phoenix. Sign up below.

The 6 work factors that cause burnout, and how you can successfully stop them now- part 1

There are 6 work factors that cause burnout. Burnout is caused by a problem with just one or more of these factors, in the context of prolonged and unsuccessfully managed stress. That’s right, just one. That’s all it takes. 

Very few of us are fortunate enough to have control over our company culture and working environment. So, you might be wondering why it’s important for you to know the work factors that cause burnout.  

It’s because these 6 work factors that cause burnout form a key aspect of how to both prevent, and recover, from burnout.

–> If you work in a stressful job, but aren’t burnt out yet, then identification of which factors are directly impacting you at work means that you can take effective steps now to reduce the chances of burnout in the future. 

–> If you already identify as being burnt out then working on these factors is crucial for you in your recovery journey.  You need to be aware that if you don’t tackle the root cause of your burnout, then the cycle will just keep continuing.

–> If you’re not sure if you’re burnt out, click here to access a burnout quiz to find out.

The 6 work factors that cause burnout are: 

The 6 work factors that cause burnout: control, reward, values mismatch, community, fairness, workload

Let’s go into each of these 6 work factors that cause burnout in a bit more detail. This will help you to understand how and why they cause burnout. Even better, you will also learn how you can effectively tackle them! 

As there is a lot to cover, the 6 work factors that cause burnout are split into 2 different articles. Part 1 (this post) covers control, reward and values, and part 2 covers community, fairness and workload.

Burnout work factor one: Control

A sense of control over aspects of your work is essential for both burnout prevention and recovery.

In the jobs that burn people out, often the stressors that cause the burnout are far beyond the control of the individual.  This might look like your company expecting you to always be available, even into the evenings and at weekends, or huge pressure to hit targets that are set by people who have no idea what the job actually involves.  Or, perhaps you’re working in the public sector with a huge caseload, tight budgets, and not enough staff to meet demand.

However, you might well be able to take control over some of the smaller issues instead. Crucially, this will help protect you from burnout.

Now, before you dismiss this as something that isn’t going to help you, scientists have found some fascinating things about control in burnout. They have found that control over the small things is just as effective as control over the bigger things.  And, even better, believing you have control is just as effective as having it. 

Mind. Blown.

How can simply believing you have control over aspects of your work change burnout? Well, it’s because the people that believe they have control are more proactive in changing how they work and how they cope with stress, thereby reducing their burnout risk. 

How to regain your power at work

Here’s how to work out what is within your control at work, and take steps to regain your power.

Step One:

Grab a pen and an A4 piece of paper and draw two concentric circles on it- like this:

In the largest/outer circle, write down your list of concerns about your current work (or life). This is your circle of concerns. 

When you’ve filled in the larger circle, go through each item again. Next, write down in the smaller/inner circle those things from the larger circle that you have some influence or direct control over. This is your circle of control. 

Here’s an example to help.  You are a social worker with a huge and complex case load. You have lots of targets to hit but you are finding it hard due to the emotional toll of the work, and the fact that your team is short staffed (ironically because your team members are off sick with stress) and you have had to take on extra work. 

In the circle of concern you might write: 

Team member sick leave

Caseload volume and complexity

Organisational policies, targets and expectations 

In the circle of control you might write: 

Personal time management (how you organise and prioritise your work)

Professional boundaries – establishing clear boundaries about what you can reasonably take on 

Peer support from colleagues (be it formal or informal). 

Here’s that list shown as an illustration:

Step Two:

Look at what you have written.

Forget about the things in the bigger circle.

Focus your efforts on the things in the smaller circle, ie- the things you can control. You must take steps to implement changes there in order to reduce burnout.

Now, over to you!  Do the exercise, and then reflect on which factor in the smallest circle you want to work on first.

Burnout work factor 2: Reward

Another workplace factor that can lead to burnout is a decreased sense of reward. While financial compensation is important, reward also includes positive feedback, professional development support, new opportunities, and engaging in meaningful work. Together, all these elements create a culture of reward.

Feeling fairly rewarded or finding daily work inherently rewarding reduces burnout risk. Conversely, inadequate reward increases burnout risk.

How to feel more rewarded at work

There are lots of ways you could feel more rewarded at work. You could ask for a pay rise, a promotion, or the opportunity to develop your professional skills through training or new opportunities.

If this doesn’t work, then there is another way that you can feel more rewarded at work, which doesn’t necessarily rely on anyone else.

Here’s something wild about burnout: spending just 20% of your work time on personally meaningful tasks can halve your burnout risk. For a 5-day work week, this equates to just one day of meaningful work. If you work an 8 hour day, that’s just over an hour a day doing work that you really love.

Meaningful work reduces burnout risk by HALF

What personally meaningful work actually is varies for each person. So, the first step to feeling more rewarded at work is to identify the work that you find fun, exciting and meaningful.

Step One:

Reflect on your best workdays to identify tasks that energise and uplift you. What tasks, projects or initiatives were you doing on those days that ignited your passion? 

Step Two:

Then, think about how you can tweak things to hit that sweet spot of 20% of your time doing those tasks.

Here’s an example to help. You’re a nurse that works on a busy ward. Due to staff shortages, you find that you’re spending increasing amounts of time managing and doing paperwork. You’re not enjoying work and are feeling stressed and unsatisfied. On doing this exercise, you identify that the things you love are caring for patients, and teaching students. In order to spend more time doing this, you decide to supervise a new student that’s on the ward. As a result of spending time with this student, you also spend more time by the bedside too. You start to feel more fulfilled and the stress of the other tasks feel easier to manage!

Burnout work factor 3: Values mismatch

If you are made to work in a way that is in direct conflict with the things that are important to you, then unfortunately you will be at risk of burnout. 

For example, you may value collaboration and teamwork, but your employer promotes a highly competitive and individualistic work culture. This mismatch can cause significant stress and lead to burnout.

Or, perhaps you place a high value on independence and the ability to make decisions in your work, but your employer has a micromanagement style and rigid oversight. This conflict can lead to feelings of powerlessness and increased stress, contributing to burnout.

You might value diversity and inclusion, but you work in an organisation that lacks commitment to these principles. The resulting frustration and sense of misalignment can cause significant stress, potentially leading to burnout.

How to avoid values mismatch causing burnout

Step One:

First, you need to work out what your values are!

Not sure what your personal values are?  Here’s a video where I take you through what you need to know!  Or, you can download a list of values from Brené Brown!

Step Two:

Next, establish what your company’s values are. You can normally find them on their website, or in company training documentation.

For instance, the values of McDonald’s are: serve, inclusion, integrity, community, and family. Meta/Facebook’s values are: move fast, focus on long term impact, built awesome things, live in the future, be direct and respect your colleagues, and Meta, Metamates and me (aka teamwork).

Take a look at what your company values.

Next, you need to ask if they actually work by these values? And do the values they actually work by match with your own values?

If there is a conflict, you will need to assess if the company is a good enough fit for you to stay working there, and avoid burnout.

The next 3 factors that cause work burnout will be published very soon! If you have any questions about what has been covered in this post please feel free to ask in the comments.

Learn the 6 stages of burnout recovery to discover where you are right now

This post focuses on the 6 common stages of burnout recovery that pretty much everyone who experiences burnout goes through. 

Burnout recovery is a huge topic that realistically cannot be covered in a short blog piece. So, do check out my burnout recovery series on TikTok if you want to find out more.  I cover the 6 stages of burnout recovery in depth in the videos. There will also be lots more coming on recovery on here too!

If you’re not sure if you’re burnt out, be sure to read this post about the stages of burnout itself. You might also find the burnout assessment quiz in this post helpful.

Let’s move on to today’s topic, which is the 6 stages of burnout recovery!

Burnout Recovery Stage 1: Realising the problem 

the 6 stages of burnout recovery: 1 realising the problem

It is surprisingly hard to recognise burnout in yourself. The first step to recovery is acknowledging that you have a problem. By the time you get to this point, it’s usually very obvious to friends and family that you are in trouble. It might only just have clicked for you however. This is totally normal. Once you have realised the situation, and understand that things have to change, then you move quickly to stage 2.

Burnout Recovery Stage 2: Taking a break from work (or other source of stress)

the 6 stages of burnout recovery: 2 taking a break

Just after you’ve realised that you’re burnt out, ideally you should have a break from work. For people who manage to take time out, it’s mainly through taking sick leave. Sometimes this can be for as long as a year, but on average it’s for 3.5 months. Others achieve a break by leaving their job entirely.  Having a break is the ideal way to kick start the next stage of recovery, which is all about restoring your health.

But, not everyone has the luxury of being able to take paid sick leave or leave their jobs.   If this is you then you will be pleased to hear that many people do continue to work throughout their burnout recovery. Even better, it is possible to feel better while continuing to work.  If you are continuing to work, it’s important to reduce the cause of your stress and put temporary changes in place to help. You may need to negotiate these changes with your employer.

Don’t get too hung up if you’re not able to take time off work. There is no single act (such as leaving your job, or taking sick leave) that determines if your recovery is successful. There are, however 3 key aspects to burnout recovery that you will need to focus on. They are: believing you are in control of your work and wellbeing, and supportive relationships. Put all of your energy into these 3 things (more on how to do this to come!).

What if the cause of your burnout isn’t work?

Sometimes the cause of burnout isn’t your work, it’s things outside of it. It might be parenting or caring that is making you burnt out. In this case, it’s very tricky to completely remove yourself from the cause of the stress, because you are responsible for others. If this is you, then asking for help to reduce the burden of care of you is the first place to start.

If the cause of your burnout is due to being neurodivergent, then time off work might help. Here, the burnout cycles are driven by the effects of living and working in a world that is set up for the neurotypical. Crucially, your focus needs to be on tackling your symptoms and how they directly affect how you live and work.

Burnout Recovery Stage 3: Focusing on, and restoring, your health 

the 6 stages of burnout recovery: 3 focusing on health

Now it’s time to focus on your health. This stage of recovery is about restoring your health.  For the majority, this starts with dealing with their fatigue. Most people at this stage sleep excessively, either by sleeping longer overnight or by taking frequent naps. 

Besides sleep, people also engage in low-energy activities, such as watching TV or playing mindless games on their phones. After the initial fatigue starts to improve, people can gradually start to engage in fun activities. They restart doing their hobbies, they see their friends and family socially, and they do physical activities. The goal at this stage is to improve your mental and physical health to a point where your focus, decision making, ability to control emotions and concentration is just good enough to move onto the next stage.

Burnout Recovery Stage 4: Looking at your values 

the 6 stages of burnout recovery:4 exploring values

At this point, having regained some energy and restored their health, people reflect on their old values. They then explore and identify their new post burnout values, in order to support their recovery. 

Your values act as your internal moral and ethical compass. Burnout is a lot like other significant life events, such as getting married, having a baby, a big bereavement or a divorce. It causes you to question what is really important. 

One common change during this particular stage is that everyone ultimately ends up placing more emphasis on their health. This stage of questioning your values is really important. Every subsequent decision that you make needs to be based on what is now important to you post-burnout.

Not sure what your values are? Start with this list.

Burnout Recovery Stage 5: Exploring changes 

the 6 stages of burnout recovery: 5 exploring changes

In this stage, you work hard to research job opportunities that align with their new post-burnout values. This could be exploring the idea of continuing in your pre-burnout role with changes to suit your new values. Or, it could mean looking for something completely new. This stage is about exploring rather than doing, though. It’s about looking at every option that is open to you without the fear or burden of having to commit to anything just yet. Consider it window shopping!

If you’re on sick leave, you will simply be thinking about these changes. 

Perhaps you’re about to return to work, in which case you will need to think about what changes you need to make prior to your return. 

Or, you might still be working. In which case, you will need to think about the changes you need while simultaneously balancing your workload. 

Burnout Recovery Stage 6: Making changes 

the 6 stages of burnout recovery:6 making changes

The final stage of the 6 stages of burnout recovery is all about making changes to support your recovery. It is possibly the trickiest stage to get right and stay well during. It might mean changes to your existing job, or it might mean leaving your job to step into a similar role in a different organisation. You could take on something completely different in a new industry. 

For those of you that burnt out away from work, this stage involves making changes to the root cause of your stress (if possible), how you handle that stress, and how you can be supported to stay well going forward.

You will be looking at making these changes long before you are fully recovered from burnout.  Most people with burnout start looking at making changes weeks to months after first realising they are burnt out, but complete burnout recovery takes 1-3 years. 

So, when you start to think about making changes, you must respect the fact that you will have less energy and will not be back to your full strength for some time.  This is very hard for people with burnout to come to terms with, because the people that burn out are generally very driven, motivated and capable.

So, now you know the 6 stages of burnout recovery. Take a moment to reflect on where you might be in this cycle. What do you need to do to move onto the next stage?

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REFERENCES: Bernier, D. (1998). A study of coping: Successful recovery from severe burnout and other reactions to severe work-related stress. Work & Stress, 12(1), 50–65. https://doi.org/10.1080/02678379808256848

How to tell the signs and symptoms of burnout

In this post, you will learn the signs and symptoms of burnout. Here’s what will be covered:

​A quick recap of the definition of burnout

How and why burnout is not considered to be a mental health, or medical problem 

An explanation of how your stress hormones change in burnout- and how this can cause signs and symptoms 

An outline of the physical symptoms of burnout 

An outline of the emotional and mental symptoms of burnout

How and why chronic stress leads to some shocking long-term health complications in burnout*

How to help a family member that you think might be burning out, based on their signs and symptoms. 

*TRIGGER WARNING

If you are feeling massively burned out right now, then learning about how burnout affects your health might not be helpful for you.  Be kind to yourself if you’re unsure.  Feel free to come back to this at another time when you have a little more capacity.  Please know that the health risks that burnout cause can be reversed with recovery.  What burnout does to your brain and body is TEMPORARY. 

In part one of the burnout basics series, you will have learned the definition of burnout.  You will also have learned how it is different from simple stress.  If you missed the article, you can recap it here, but alternatively, let’s quickly touch on the World Health Organization definition of burnout. 

Let’s get started!

The definition of burnout

Burnout syndrome was first described in the 1970s by psychologist Herbert Freudenberger, who worked with stressed healthcare workers in a free HIV/AIDs clinic in New York.  What they saw was different from other stress-related problems that had previously been defined.  It was a very stressful experience to work in this type of clinic, at this particular point of history.  But what was unique about what was happening to these workers was that their stress was causing them to become unwell for a long period.  Worse, their recovery was more complex and difficult than expected. 

Although burnout was first recognized back in the 1970s, the World Health Organization didn’t officially recognize it, or define it, until 2019.

They describe burnout as, ‘an occupational phenomenon that arises as a result of chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.’ 

The World Health Organisation identifies three parts to burnout:

​

  1. Depersonalization: The cynicism, apathy, or lack of caring that develops with burnout.
  2. Emotional exhaustion: The physical and emotional fatigue of caring for too much for too long.
  3. Reduced performance at work.

You must have all three of the above components and have been under intense stress at work for a prolonged period of time, to have burnout syndrome.  

One thing to note about the definition is that burnout is not considered to be a medical condition.  It’s also not considered to be part of the wider group of mental health conditions, which include depression and anxiety. 

This is because burnout develops as a result of work-related stress.  The World Health Organization believes that burnout is the body’s normal response to chronic fatigue, long-term stress, and working a stressful job.  It’s a gradual process that causes mental exhaustion and physical exhaustion- but it happens because of work stress.  

How the signs and symptoms of burnout are linked to your body’s response to chronic stress

When you get stressed and your brain detects a threat, your body produces adrenaline and cortisol.  This stress hormone response is designed to deal with immediate and short-term threats by going into “fight or flight” mode. 

‘Fight or flight’ mode has evolved to help protect from physical threats, such as a lion appearing on the horizon.  But, in the modern world, your stress response tends to be activated more frequently by perceived or emotional threats (such as doing a presentation or opening an email) rather than physical threats. This might mean that by simply walking into your office, your ‘fight or flight’ mode could be activated, causing your heart to start pounding and a feeling of overwhelm.  Your body’s stress response is the same because it does not know the difference between a physical and a perceived threat. 

If your stress is short-lived and not too intense, then a little bit of adrenaline and cortisol can be helpful for performance and productivity at work.  

The stress response curve (or Yerkes-Dodson Law), illustrates the relationship between stress levels and performance nicely.  According to this model, as stress increases, performance initially improves—but only up to a certain point.

Here’s how to interpret the stress-response curve to better understand the signs and symptoms of burnout:

  • Low stress: When stress is too low, we often feel unmotivated or bored. There’s no sense of urgency, so it’s hard to engage fully with tasks. This is the left side of the curve, where performance can stagnate.
  • Moderate stress (The Optimal Zone): With a moderate level of stress, our body releases cortisol and adrenaline, which can increase alertness, focus, and motivation. In this “sweet spot,” we’re energized, driven, and working at peak productivity. This moderate level of stress pushes us just enough to stay engaged, set priorities, and work efficiently without feeling overwhelmed.
  • High stress: When stress levels exceed the optimal point, performance starts to decline. High stress causes fatigue, anxiety, and eventually burnout, placing us on the right side of the curve. Here, stress is no longer helpful; it inhibits productivity and can negatively affect both mental and physical health.

A graphic illustrating the stress response curve.

Stress-response curve (Yerkes-Dodson Law)

  • Low stress (left side): This leads to lower performance due to a lack of motivation or urgency.
  • Optimal zone (center): Moderate stress enhances focus, motivation, and productivity, leading to peak performance.
  • High stress (right side): As stress continues to rise, performance drops off, often resulting in fatigue, anxiety, and burnout.

This curve visually demonstrates why a balanced level of stress can be beneficial while too much stress has the opposite effect on performance. 

In burnout, your stress hormones stop being the helpful, short-term response to a threat that they are designed for.  Instead, this chronic activation of ‘fight or flight’ makes the body’s response to stress change from being potentially helpful to unhelpful and harmful.

Your body’s response to long-term stress is what causes the signs and symptoms of burnout that you experience.  

In the early stages, these symptoms might start as being reactive to work.  But eventually, it will affect all areas of your life, including your personal life.  It will deeply affect your physical health, as well as your emotional health. 

Signs and symptoms of burnout: physical symptoms

Burnout is a surprisingly physical thing to go through, so let’s share the physical symptoms you might experience:

  • Chest pain
  • Heart palpitations
  • Stomach pain 
  • Bloating
  • Shortness of breath 
  • Headaches 
  • Dizziness
  • Increased minor illnesses and reduced immunity 
  • ​Poor sleep 
  • Physical fatigue 
  • Appetite changes
  • Muscle tension and pain
  • High Blood pressure 
  • ​Lack of energy
  • Irregular periods 
  • Very low or high libido
The signs and symptoms of burnout: The physical symptoms of burnout include chest pain, palpitations, stomach pain, bloating, shortness of breath, headaches, dizziness, increased minor illnesses, poor sleep, appetite changes, muscle tension and pain, high blood pressure. fatigue. irregular periods, very high or low libido

Everyone experiences their physical burnout symptoms differently.  For instance, if you are a working mom, then you’re likely to have problems with good sleep and fatigue already.  And, if you were to see your doctor, they would not likely find an underlying medical cause for these symptoms. This is because these physical symptoms are caused by long-term stressful situations and your stress hormones, rather than a problem with the body itself.   

Burnout fact: 

The most commonly experienced physical symptom of burnout is muscle pain. 

Signs and symptoms of burnout: mental symptoms

Here are some of the emotional symptoms of burnout. These include: 

  • Not getting enough sleep (can also be a physical symptom)
  • Low mood 
  • Anxiety 
  • Worry
  • Feelings of guilt 
  • Mild forgetfulness/memory problems
  • Lack of focus
  • Intrusive thoughts
  • Cynicism
  • Detachment
  • Irritability 
  • Anger outbursts
  • Guilt 
  • Decision fatigue
  • Difficulty problem solving 
The signs and symptoms of burnout. The emotional symptoms of burnout: difficulty sleeping, low mood, anxiety, worry, intrusive thoughts, cynicism, detachment, irritability, anger outbursts, guilt, forgetfulness or poor memory, poor concentration, decision fatigue, difficulty problem solving

Signs and symptoms of burnout fact:

One of the hallmark emotional symptoms of burnout is something called emotional dysregulation.  This is when you find yourself flying off the handle and overreacting to minor things. Things that, before your burnout, you would have managed easily and calmly.  This might look or feel like anger outbursts, irritability, or bursting into tears over small things.  For instance, you could find yourself snapping at your kids, or your partner, when previously you wouldn’t have done. 

If you read my previous blog about the definition of burnout, you’ll already know that burnout is not considered to be a medical or mental health problem.  But, when you look at the list of problems it causes, and what it feels like to experience, it very much looks and feels like one! 

The key to remember here is that burnout is reactive to the environment that you are in. So, when you leave the environment, or if you are able to make significant enough changes to it, then you will get better.  If you are experiencing burnout, then this can feel like a huge mountain to climb, you will get there. 

The shocking health consequences of burnout

Burnout feels like an incredibly difficult thing to experience.  But, not only is it a difficult thing to experience, scientists have proven that burnout causes a significantly increased risk of the following (deep breath!):

  • Type 2 Diabetes
  • High Cholesterol
  • ​Heart Disease
  • Musculoskeletal pain
  • Respiratory infections
  • Stomach problems
  • Severe injuries
  • Increased risk of death from any cause under age 45 
The signs and symptoms of burnout- health consequences of burnout: type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, heart disease, musculoskeletal pain, fatigue, headaches, respiratory infections, stomach problems, severe injuries, increased risk of death from any cause under age 45

People with high burnout scores have a whopping 79% increased risk of heart disease over 3 years with burnout!

The most shocking health consequence of burnout is that it increases the risk of dying from any cause if you are under the age of 45.  Put simply, you’re more likely to die young with burnout. 

As you can see, burnout really is so much more than simple stress and the consequences are potentially very serious! 

But, how does burnout cause this?  

The science of health complications and early risk of dying with burnout

Here’s the science part!  When you burn out, you develop physical and emotional symptoms because of a rise in your stress hormones.  Initially, stress hormones rise, but over time, they fall. This drop, in the context of ongoing stress, triggers low-grade inflammation throughout the body.  This is just one of the ways that burnout increases the risk of health problems. It also helps to explain why you’re more likely to die young with it too. 

But there’s more to it than that.  Burnout also causes health problems by causing problems with sleep, reduced immunity, and changes to how your blood clots (this is important because this affects your heart health).  It is also thought that the negative impact of burnout on health behaviors also contributes. You’re more likely to smoke, eat poorly, drink more alcohol, and do less exercise when you’re burnt out because you’re just not going to have the energy or motivation. 

What if you are worried that a family member, or loved one, is burning out?

​One of the key things about burnout is that even though the signs and symptoms are significant, they might not be realized by the person who is burning out until they hit physical and emotional collapse.  

However, the changes to the burnt-out person’s behavior and mood will be obvious to their loved ones before they collapse.  Therefore, if you notice any of the common signs outlined above in this post, then you have a great opportunity to help your family member before they end up experiencing long-term burnout.  

But- they are likely to deny the problems, even if they are showing a lot of the warning signs of workplace burnout, and you can see that they are high risk. 

In this instance, a good start is just to open the lines of communication with the person that you think is likely to experience burnout.  The first step might be to simply ask how they are dong, and then see where the conversation goes.  Ensure that you give them the space to open up, without judgment.  If they do realize that they’re burnt out, please sign post them to professional help.      

The good news! 

The good news is that with recovery all of these symptoms and health risks can be reversed.  

It can feel very difficult if you are experiencing burnout to have hope about recovery because recovery is a long and tough road- but you will get there.  

REFERENCES:

Salvagioni, D. A. G., et al. ‘Physical, Psychological and Occupational Consequences of Job Burnout: A systematic review of prospective studies’, PLoS One, 12(10) (4 Oct 2017), https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0185781

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