Here is how working moms can improve their confidence when going back to work after maternity leave.

After having a baby, so many things come together to reduce confidence in the workplace. 

Your colleagues think you have been off work leisurely meeting your mom friends for coffee, having lazy lunches, snapping pictures of your aesthetically pleasing child (who never cries), and then enjoying a relaxing evening with your partner.  Yes, having a baby is wonderful, but on the flip side, new mothers know that the truth is sleepless nights, depleted energy levels, and a ton of mom guilt.  Then you need to navigate how to step your new role as a working parent when you return to work- and this is very challenging even for those with a great support network.   

How maternity leave reduces your confidence before you return to work:

Reduced confidence worrying about work

Career anxiety – “What if I’ve fallen so far behind that I’ll never catch up? I can’t shake the fear that I’m no longer good enough. What if my colleagues have outgrown me while I’ve been away? Worse, what if they don’t think I’m committed anymore?”.  Taking a career break with mat leave compounds loss of confidence.

Judgment from others – “There’s this constant fear that I’m being judged — by my colleagues, boss, and even other mums. If I leave work early to pick up my baby, people will think I’m not serious about my career. If I stay late, I feel like I’m failing as a mother. No matter what I do, it feels like I’m doing it wrong. The weight of their silent judgment is crushing me. I just want to be enough, but I’m terrified I’ll never be.”.  New parents really struggle with a lack of confidence when having an honest conversation with team members.  

Breastfeeding and returning to work– “I’m still breastfeeding, and going back to work feels overwhelming. How will I keep up with pumping, the schedule, and the worry about milk supply? I feel torn between doing what’s best for my baby and meeting the demands of work.”. Breastfeeding is hard work even when you’re still on leave.  Returning to work means a new routine, and keeping breastfeeding going is one of the biggest challenges in a successful return to work. 

Financial stress – “We need my income to survive, but I’m terrified I won’t be able to handle it all. The cost of childcare is crippling, and I can’t help but think, is this even worth it?”.  The majority of new moms will be in a similar situation. 

Reduced confidence in how you feel about yourself

Identity crisis – “”I don’t even know who I am anymore. I used to be confident in my work, but now I feel like I’m a stranger in my own life. I’m a mum, but I’m also supposed to be this career woman. How can I be both when I don’t even recognize myself?”  Your new identity as a mom with a new baby is tough to navigate even outside of the pressures of work. 

Relationship strain– “How can we keep this together when we’re both so exhausted and stretched thin?”  This is also a concern when your partner returns to work after their parental leave. 

Guilt and self-doubt – “I feel like a failure as a mum for leaving my baby. But I also feel I’m not being able to give 100% at work. What if I’m making the wrong choice? What if I’m letting everyone down, including myself?”.  Mom guilt is so real! 

Loneliness and isolation – “”Everyone else seems to have it all figured out, but I’m drowning, and no one even notices. It’s like I’ve disappeared, both at work and at home. I don’t know how to reach out or ask for help.”  Having a supportive community is key to the maintenance of good mental health. 

Reduced confidence because of fatigue and physical changes

Physical exhaustion – “I feel like I’m running on fumes. The thought of adding a full workday on top of this exhaustion makes me want to cry. How am I supposed to be productive when I can barely keep my eyes open?”.  Sleep deprivation can lead to reduced performance at work, and thereby confidence issues. 

Body image struggles – “I hate how I look. My body has changed so much. I can’t stand the thought of facing people at work who remember the ‘old’ me. I don’t feel like I belong in my own skin anymore.”  You might not have the body you thought or hoped you would at the end of maternity leave, which can have a negative impact on confidence. 

Recovering from a difficult birth experience– “I can’t escape the memories of my birth. No one understands how traumatic it was. Now I’m supposed to just go back to ‘normal’ as if nothing happened, but inside, I feel broken. How do I heal and work at the same time?”.  Unresolved birth trauma can have a significant impact on confidence levels as you navigate your return to work.

How working moms can improve their confidence

Motherhood deeply impacts self-esteem and identity. It is difficult to keep your confidence at work when there is constant worry about the need to be visible. It is a constant struggle feeling that you always have to go the extra mile just to keep your foot on the career ladder. Maternity leave means that the motherhood gap leaves you fighting to regain your authority and progress in your career. No wonder so many women take career breaks or switch to more flexible jobs after having a baby (with the associated drop in income). 

A lot of the solutions presented in the mainstream to improve confidence tend to be very superficial.  If it was easy to improve confidence we’d all do it in a heartbeat.  

You’re a busy working mom looking after a baby who needs you physically and emotionally still, so it’s hard to prioritize yourself. Here are 2 techniques that you can use as a working mom to improve your confidence at work when you return after maternity leave. 

Improve your confidence on returning to work after maternity leave with your thoughts

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Cognitive Behavioural Therapy- based exercises are great at getting you to consciously notice your critical thoughts that will be sapping your confidence, and then to help reframe them. They are relatively accessible, so this is a great way for working moms to improve confidence. 

A great place to start is this worksheet, entitled “Catching Your Critic”. This worksheet will help you to identify your critical thoughts. Once you have done this, the next step is to work out what your thoughts help you to do. Finally, you assess what they hold you back from.

Once you have identified your critical thoughts, the next step is to challenge them and question whether they are true. You can do this inside your head, or by writing them down. Ask yourself questions, such as: is it true that you always mess up? Are you saying you never do anything right?  What evidence do you have that people think you are messing up?

It can be difficult to get started on this type of exercise. Here is a worked example to help!

A worked example of a working mom improving their confidence using this technique: Emma

Scenario: Emma has just returned to her job in marketing after six months of her first maternity leave. She feels overwhelmed and constantly questions her abilities. She is convinced that she’s no longer capable of doing her job well.

Critical Thought: “I’m not good enough at this anymore. I can’t keep up like I used to, and everyone at work can see that I’m failing.”

Step 1: Catching Your Critic 

Emma identifies her critical thought: “I’m not good enough, and I’m failing“.  She recognizes that this thought is chipping away at her confidence and making her feel anxious about her return to work.

Step 2: Challenging the Thought 

Emma starts to question the validity of this thought. She asks herself:

• Is it true that I’m not good enough anymore?
  No, I haven’t even been back long enough to gauge how I’m performing. I’m still adjusting.
• Do I always fail at work?
  No, I’ve been successful in this role before maternity leave. I’ve handled difficult projects and been praised for my work.
• What evidence do I have that people think I’m failing?
  I haven’t received any negative feedback since returning. My manager said they’re glad to have me back.

Step 3: Reframing the Thought 

Emma reframes her critical thought: “I’m still getting used to balancing work and motherhood, and it’s okay to take time to adjust. I’ve been successful before, and I can be again.”

This CBT-based process helps Emma recognize that her self-doubt is based on distorted thinking. By challenging those thoughts, she’s able to rebuild her confidence step by step.

Now, over to you to try! Remember that therapy is like physio for the brain- you need to practice it regularly to see the benefits! Don’t get down if it doesn’t work immediately. Keep plugging away and you will notice the changes with time.

Improve your confidence on returning to work after maternity leave with your actions

Working moms can improve their confidence by using this technique with or without the one listed above. This technique is quite a big thing to do especially if your confidence is rock bottom. It challenges you to feel the fear and go ahead with doing the thing you’re not confident to do regardless . It helps, especially when you start small and then build up the fear factor over time.

This particular technique is based on the principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. I highly recommend the book “The Happiness Trap” by Russ Harris if you’d like to learn more about this type of life-changing therapy (aff link).

A worked example of a working mom improving confidence using this technique: Meera

Scenario:
Meera has gone back to her job as a project manager after maternity leave, but she’s been holding back from speaking up in meetings for a long time. She doubts whether her ideas are as good as they used to be. Meera keeps thinking, “What if I’m not good enough?”. As a result, she avoids contributing, even though her role needs her to step up and share.

Step 1: Accept the difficult thoughts

Meera notices that her fears and doubts are getting in the way. She admits that she’s scared of being judged or saying something wrong. Instead of fighting those thoughts, she acknowledges them gently: “I’m feeling nervous about speaking up, and that’s okay.” She allows the fear to be there without letting it control her.

Meera can also practice a technique called defusion here. 

Defusion: Creating Distance from Unhelpful Thoughts

Here’s a great technique for working moms to improve confidence at work. It’s called defusion, and it’s all about creating space between you and your thoughts. Often, when we experience self-doubt, it feels like those thoughts are the absolute truth — like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll mess everything up” — but defusion teaches us that thoughts are just thoughts, not facts.

When you are hooked by your thoughts, they feel like they completely control us. Defusion helps you to step back and look at those thoughts from a distance. It means that you will be able to see them for what they are: just words or ideas passing through our mind. By doing this, you can stop letting those thoughts define you, or stop you from taking action.

How Defusion Works:

• Notice the thought: First, recognize that you’re having an unhelpful thought. For example, “I’m going to fail.”
• Label it: Instead of believing it’s true, say to yourself, “I’m having the thought that I’m going to fail.” This creates some distance between you and the thought.
• Next step: Add “I am noticing” to your thought. Now you are saying to yourself, “I am noticing that I am having the thought that I am going to fail”.
• Observe without judgment: Let the thought just be there without trying to fight it or push it away. Remind yourself that a thought doesn’t have to be true just because it pops into your head.

By using defusion, you can allow your difficult thoughts to be present without letting them hold you back. It’s about acknowledging that those thoughts exist, but they don’t have to control your actions.

Step 2: Focus on what matters

Meera takes a moment to think about what’s important to her. She values being a leader and working with others. She knows that speaking up is part of who she wants to be at work. Even though she feels scared, she reminds herself that contributing to the team matters to her.

(just FYI- if you’re not sure what your values are, or how they can cause you to feel stressed or burnt out, click here!)

Step 3: Take action, even with the fear

Meera knows that her fear won’t just disappear, so she decides to speak up in the next meeting anyway. She tells herself, “It’s okay to be nervous, but I’m going to share my ideas because they matter”.  During the meeting, she feels her heart race, but she takes a deep breath and says what’s on her mind.

Step 4: Reflect on how it went

After the meeting, Meera realizes that it wasn’t as scary as she thought. People listened to her, and no one judged her harshly. She feels proud of herself for doing something she was afraid of, and she recognizes that she can keep taking these small steps (go Meera!!). 

Step 5: Build on your success

Meera knows that confidence will come over time, so she decides to keep practicing. Next time, she’ll aim to speak up a little sooner or on a bigger topic. Each step forward will help her feel more comfortable and confident.

By being kind to herself and taking small, brave steps, Meera is learning that it’s okay to feel fear and still do what’s important. She doesn’t need to wait until she’s completely confident — she can start now, with compassion and patience.

A bonus tip

Doing this is very challenging. In the example above, Meera finds her voice during a meeting. But, if you’re newly back to work this might be too difficult to do straight away. If you’re finding it hard to get started, here’s where to begin. Pick a small action you can take today that pushes you out of your comfort zone slightly.  Do it, then reflect on how you feel. Rinse and repeat, and challenge yourself more over time.  This will help to build up your confidence.

I hope this is helpful for those of you who are finding it difficult to get the confidence to go for it!  You now know the 2 best ways for working moms to improve their confidence in returning to work after maternity leave.  Use these techniques when you step into work mode.  Whilst returning to work will feel like an incredibly steep learning curve, you will be able to successfully overcome negative thoughts from your first day back.  Using these personal development techniques is a golden opportunity to make your work life work for you!

Please let me know if you have any questions by commenting below. I’m more than happy to personally respond to every one!