The Burnout Doctor

Doctoring burnt out working professionals to manage stress and achieve career success

Self-employment: the cause or cure for burnout in working moms?

Being a working mom is no small feat, and when you add self-employment to the mix, life can feel like a constant juggling act. On one hand, self-employed moms enjoy greater flexibility, the ability to create their schedules, and the possibility of escaping the corporate world’s rigidity. On the other hand, self-employed working moms face unique challenges that can increase stress levels, especially when trying to balance work time, family life, and personal health.  Moms often turn to self-employment to help ease burnout after struggling to balance the simultaneous demands of parenting and work.

is self-employment the cause or the cure for burnout in working moms?

It’s complicated:

The answer is that self-employment is both a cause of burnout, and the cure for it.

Whether self-employment is good or bad for your burnout risk is entirely dependent on your personal circumstances.

In this post, we’ll explore why self-employed working moms are particularly vulnerable to stress and burnout, and then uncover strategies to manage these pressures effectively. But, we’ll also dive into how self-employment can (paradoxically) also help moms recover from burnout and live a more balanced life.

Stuck in a job that’s burning you out and wondering if going self employed will help? By the end, you’ll have a clearer idea of whether self-employment is the right choice for you.

About the author:

Dr Claire is a burnout expert and mom of 2.  Her book first book, The Burnout Doctor, is being published in January 2025.  Pre-order your copy now!

The double-edged sword of self-employment for working moms

Why self-employment can increase stress levels

Let’s begin by talking about how being self-employed can increase stress levels for working moms. While being a self-employed mom comes with exciting benefits like greater flexibility and autonomy, it’s important to recognize the stressors that often accompany it:

  1. Financial uncertainty
    Self-employed individuals don’t have the steady paycheck of a full-time job. Add to that the pressure of covering expenses like child care, health insurance, and short-term disability insurance without employer support, and the stress can quickly mount. For working moms managing household budgets, the lack of a predictable income can be a major source of anxiety.
  2. Blurring boundaries between work and personal life
    Without a corporate structure or “official” work time, self-employed moms often work during family moments, school holidays, or even evening hours. A little corner office in the home might lack the separation needed to maintain a healthy work-life balance, leaving moms feeling they’re neither fully present at work nor home.
  3. Increased mental load
    Managing every aspect of your business—from accounting during tax time to building social media accounts—adds significant pressure. For working moms already responsible for the bulk of parental leave logistics, school pick-ups, and a seemingly endless to-do list, the additional business running can tip the scales toward burnout.
  4. Lack of support systems
    Self-employed people miss out on many corporate benefits, such as paid leave programs, employer-provided health insurance, and even coworkers to commiserate with. Self-employed mothers may feel isolated compared to their counterparts in the labor force.

Here’s an example to demonstrate how self employment can increase stress and burnout:

Example 1: Stress levels raised by self-employment

Name: Sarah

Job: Freelance graphic designer

Family and home setup: Sarah is a single mom of two young kids, aged 4 and 7, living in a small apartment in New York. She has no local family support and relies on paid child care. Her budget is tight, and her biggest concern is ensuring she has enough money to cover rent, child care, and health insurance.

Why self-employment increases her stress:

  • Financial instability: Sarah’s freelance income fluctuates dramatically from month to month, and she struggles to keep up with expenses.
  • Overwhelming workload: Since she has to manage all aspects of her business, including finding clients, invoicing, and marketing, her to-do list feels never-ending.
  • Blurred boundaries: With her kids home during school holidays and limited space for a dedicated home office, Sarah finds it challenging to focus on her work.
  • Isolation: As a self-employed individual, Sarah doesn’t have coworkers to lean on, leaving her feeling unsupported and alone in her challenges.

For Sarah, the financial and logistical demands of self-employment outweigh the benefits of flexibility, leaving her feeling more stressed than she was in her previous full-time job. Her stress levels are raised, and she is at risk of burnout. Here are some ideas to help her avoid burnout that would help any self-employed working. mom:

Practical strategies for managing stress and burnout when self-employed

Thankfully, self-employed moms don’t have to succumb to burnout. Here’s how to stay in the right mind zone and manage stress effectively:

  1. Set clear boundaries
    Create a ‘home-free’ work area or dedicated workspace to minimize distractions and separate work from family life.
  2. Prioritize self-care
    Schedule non-negotiable breaks for enough sleep, exercise, and quality time with loved ones. Organizing an achievable, doable list of priority items helps make room for these essential moments.
  3. Build a support network
    Whether through professional associations, nonprofit organizations, or other self-employed women, lean on a community for advice and support.
  4. Delegate where possible
    Outsource smaller pieces of your workload, such as hiring a freelance writer for marketing tasks or a project manager for administrative work.
  5. Stay financially prepared
    Create a financial buffer to navigate slower months, and explore private insurer plans for essential benefits like medical leave.

It is possible to manage stress effectively, and avoid burnout as a self-employed working mom.

However, whilst being self-employed can be very stressful for working moms (and could even lead to burnout), it can also help prevent burnout.

The paradox of self-employment: stressor and savior

Surprisingly, self-employment can also be a solution for working moms to recover from burnout. While it presents challenges, it offers something that many stressed moms desperately need: control over their lives.

Why self-employment can help reduce stress

  1. Greater flexibility
    The ability to create your schedule means you can attend to family priorities like maternity leave or school holidays without asking for permission or sacrificing income.
  2. More meaningful work
    Many moms find that running their businesses aligns with their passions, giving them a sense of purpose missing in the corporate world.
  3. Freedom from the “motherhood penalty”
    Self-employed moms escape the subtle (and sometimes overt) biases that working mothers face in the traditional labor market.
  4. Customizable workload
    Unlike a rigid full-time job, self-employment allows moms to work part-time, in smaller pieces, or during hours that suit their family life.

But what about you?  How do you know if self employment is the right chose for your stress levels as a working mother?  Take the quiz to find out! 

Quiz: Will self-employment ease your stress?

Take this short quiz to see if self-employment might help you reduce stress:

1. Do you feel that your current job allows you enough time for family priorities?

  • Yes / No

2. Do you feel emotionally drained at the end of your workday?

  • Yes / No

3. Do you thrive on independence and decision-making?

  • Yes / No

4. Are you financially prepared to handle unpredictable income for at least six months?

  • Yes / No

5. Do you have access to child care or a supportive partner/family?

  • Yes / No

If you answered “No” to questions 1 and 4, but “Yes” to 3, self-employment might be a good idea for reducing your stress.

How self-employment can help manage stress levels

Self-employment offers unique benefits that can directly address some of the root causes of stress and burnout for working moms. Here’s how it can help:

  1. Control over your schedule
    • Benefit: Self-employed moms have the power to set thwie hours, allowing them to work during their most productive times or fit work around family responsibilities.
    • Why it works (science backed!): Autonomy in scheduling significantly reduces work-related stress.
  2. Alignment with personal values
    • Benefit: Running your own business allows you to pursue projects that align with your passions and goals.
    • Why it works (science backed!): When work feels meaningful, it becomes less draining and more fulfilling. This emotional alignment can help stave off burnout.
  3. Avoiding the corporate “motherhood penalty”
    • Benefit: Self-employed mothers sidestep biases against working moms, such as being overlooked for promotions or assignments.
    • Why it works: Eliminating the psychological toll of workplace discrimination creates a healthier mental space.
  4. Opportunity for better work-life balance
    • Benefit: Self-employment allows you to integrate work into family life more seamlessly. For example, you can take breaks for school events or personal milestones.
    • Why it works: Flexibility means you’re more likely to meet your own needs and those of your family without the constant tug-of-war between roles.
  5. Scalable workload
    • Benefit: Self-employed individuals can tailor the amount of work they take on, scaling it up or down based on life circumstances.
    • Why it works: The ability to lighten your load during high-stress periods (like a new baby or school holidays) can prevent overwhelm.

As you can see, self employment can both help and cause burnout- but whether it’s the right choice for you is entirely dependent on your personal circumstances.

Practical advice: Is self-employment better for your stress levels?

Transitioning to self-employment isn’t a cure-all for stress, but it can offer solutions to specific challenges. Use these steps to determine if it’s the right move for you:

  1. Identify your stress triggers
    • Write down what’s causing the most stress in your current role: lack of flexibility, long hours, an unsupportive work environment, or financial instability.
  2. Compare your needs with self-employment benefits
    • If your stressors revolve around a rigid schedule or a lack of autonomy, self-employment might be a great fit. However, if you thrive on structured environments or struggle with financial uncertainty, self-employment might increase your stress.
  3. Evaluate your support system
    • Do you have access to reliable child care or support from a partner? Self-employment works best when there’s a foundation of support for unexpected challenges.
  4. Test your adaptability
    • Consider how comfortable you are with uncertainty. Can you handle variable income and unforeseen work challenges without feeling overwhelmed?
  5. Seek advice from self-employed moms
    • Talk to other self-employed women in similar life stages. Their experiences can provide valuable insights into the day-to-day realities of balancing motherhood and business ownership.

By thoughtfully weighing these factors, you can make a well-informed decision that aligns with your unique situation. Here’s an example to help you work this out:

Example 2: Stress levels decreased by self-employment

Name: Emily

Job: Boutique owner and part-time freelance writer

Family and home setup: Emily lives in a suburban home in New Jersey with her spouse and three kids, ages 2, 5, and 10. Her partner has a stable full-time job with benefits, and they share parenting duties. Emily’s mother also lives nearby and helps with child care.

Why self-employment decreases her stress:

  • Flexible schedule: Emily can schedule work during school hours and nap times, leaving her evenings free for family dinners and personal life.
  • Aligned priorities: Emily loves the creative freedom of running her boutique and writing about topics she’s passionate about.
  • Shared responsibilities: Her spouse’s steady income provides peace of mind, reducing the pressure to generate a significant income every month.
  • Better work-life balance: Emily has created a well-organized schedule that allows her to attend school events and take personal days when needed.

For Emily, self-employment is an empowering choice that allows her to create a harmonious balance between her work, family, and personal goals.

If you’re still a little stuck about whether self-employment will help your stress levels then these journal prompts will allow for some deeper reflection.

Journal questions for self-reflection

  1. What are my primary sources of stress in my current job?
    • Is it financial pressure, time constraints, lack of flexibility, or something else?
  2. What aspects of my life would I like to improve through self-employment?
    • More time with family, greater autonomy, or the ability to pursue work I’m passionate about?
  3. Do I have the financial stability to handle the unpredictability of self-employment?
    • If not, what steps can I take to build a safety net?
  4. How much support do I have at home?
    • Can my partner, family, or childcare providers help with parenting or household tasks?
  5. Am I comfortable with multitasking and handling multiple roles (e.g., business owner, marketer, accountant)?
    • If not, could outsourcing or seeking professional help ease this burden?
  6. How do I feel about working alone?
    • Would I miss the camaraderie of coworkers, or do I thrive in independent environments?
  7. What steps can I take to test self-employment before fully committing?
    • Could I start a side hustle or reduce hours in my current job to experiment with being my own boss?
  8. What values or priorities matter most to me?
    • Do I value financial security over flexibility, or is pursuing meaningful work more important than a predictable income?

Final thoughts

Self-employment is not a one-size-fits-all solution. For some working moms, it can intensify stress and burnout, but for others, it can be the key to greater flexibility and life satisfaction. By carefully weighing the pros and cons, using tools like this quiz, and following practical advice, you can determine if becoming your own boss by running your own business or going self-employed is a good idea for your unique circumstances and your mental health. 

If you enjoyed this article, you’ll love Dr Claire’s weekly email newsletter, The Phoenix. Sign up here.

Best tips for the return to work after your second baby

You made it through the first maternity leave and the monumental return to work after baby number one. But now, you’re facing the second return, and let’s be real—it’s a whole new level of chaos. Two kids? Twice the love, but also twice the exhaustion. The balancing act you perfected the first time is now cranked up to 11. Suddenly, you’re juggling the needs of two little humans, work, and let’s not forget—some semblance of your sanity.  

The return to work after maternity leave is hard enough the first time around. Add a second baby into the mix, and suddenly you’re managing a whole new level of chaos. If you’re a working mom staring down the barrel of full time (or part time) work with a crying baby on one hip and a toddler tugging at your leg, you’re not alone. This article will help you plan your return to the working world in a way that preserves your mental health, minimizes stress, and, dare I say, allows you to thrive.  

Let’s dive into the nitty-gritty, no-fluff realities of this monumental transition—and how to handle it like the amazing mom you are. Burnout can feel inevitable when working moms return after a second maternity leave but it doesn’t have to be this way. Let’s dive into why returning after your second baby is so much harder and how you can keep burnout at bay to start, before we move onto some exercises to reframe your worries, and some practical tips to ease the transition as you return to work.

About the author:

Dr Claire is a doctor and careers coach specializing in helping working moms navigate life transitions with grace and humor. As a mom of two herself, she’s passionate about empowering women to prioritize their mental health and create a fulfilling balance between work and home life.  Her first book, The Burnout Doctor, is being published in January 2025!  It is packed full of advice, practical tips and exercises to help you manage your stress better, and reduce burnout.  You can also sign up for her weekly email newsletter here.

Why the return to work After Your Second Maternity Leave Is So Much Harder

Double the Children, Double the Chaos

If you thought the transition from zero to one child was tough, the shift from one to two can feel like you’ve been thrust into an endless juggling act. Managing the logistics of two kids—navigating daycare drop-offs, doctor’s appointments, and, oh yes, sleep schedules—is like being in a high-stakes game show where the grand prize is…exhaustion. And the mental load? It’s now in overdrive.

Less Time for Yourself

With two kids, any shred of “me-time” you once had is probably non-existent. There’s less time to recharge, and you’re more likely to put your needs on the back burner. Combine this with the pressure of returning to work, and burnout becomes a serious risk.

Workplace Challenges

Returning to work after a second maternity leave often feels different from the first time around. Maybe your responsibilities have shifted, or you’re working in a different capacity (hello, part-time hours). You may feel the pressure to prove yourself all over again, and with the added responsibility of two children, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the expectation to “do it all.”

The “Motherhood Penalty,” Round Two

There’s no denying that working moms face bias in the workplace—often referred to as the “motherhood penalty.” With two kids, the stigma can feel even stronger, as employers may assume you’re less committed or less available for career advancement. This unfair pressure can make you feel like you have to work twice as hard to keep up, adding fuel to the burnout fire.

You’re a different person

Motherhood changes you, and going back to work after a second child means navigating a new emotional state, new priorities, and a redefined family unit.

The logistics are wild 

Two kids mean more daycare costs, more planning, and way more time spent prepping for the day ahead. (How do those little people need so much stuff?)

Separation anxiety—on both sides 

It’s not just your new baby who cries when you leave; it’s your toddler, too. And if you’re being honest, sometimes it’s you in the parking lot.

The most common worries moms have when planning their return to work

Sound familiar? Here’s what most moms worry about during this phase:

  1. “Will my baby be okay in daycare?” The high costs and separation anxiety make this a top concern.
  2. “How will I handle the sleep deprivation?” Sleepless nights aren’t just for new moms—they’re for moms with older kids too.
  3. “What if I’m no longer good at my job?” Time away and new priorities often lead to impostor syndrome.
  4. “How will I balance it all?” Work hours, home life, and everything in between—it feels impossible.

Exercises to reframe your worries about the return to work

Worry #1: Will my baby be okay in daycare?

  • Try this: Write down your biggest fears and then list the evidence to the contrary. For example, “Daycare will ruin my baby” might be countered with “Many studies show that high-quality child care services promote social skills.”

Worry #2: How will I handle the sleep deprivation?

  • Try this: This is a tricky one, especially if your little one is not sleeping through the night. In this case, create a daily to-do list and prioritize only the essentials. This way, your limited energy will be saved for the things that really matter. Remember, it’s okay to leave some things undone- and also to ask for help from your partner, family or friends.

Worry #3: What if I’m no longer good at my job?

  • Try this: List the new skills you’ve developed as a parent—time management, multitasking, and crisis management—and consider how they make you a stronger professional.

Worry #4: How will I balance it all?

  • Try this: Block out time for yourself. Even 10 minutes during lunch breaks to breathe or journal can help restore balance.

What HR wants you to know about planning your return to work

Discover the 4 most common worries about returning to work after your second baby (and 4 proven exercises to help reframe those worries!)
Discover the 4 most common worries about returning to work after your second baby (and 4 proven exercises to help reframe those worries!)

As someone who’s worked with countless working parents, here are 10 practical tips tips straight from the HR playbook, to help ease your return to work after having a second baby:

1. Communicate your needs early and often

Your first conversation with HR or your manager should cover your immediate needs, like flexibility during the first couple of weeks, private spaces for pumping, or adjustments to your work hours. But communication doesn’t stop there. Keep the lines open as your needs evolve. For example, if separation anxiety or a sudden daycare closure arises, don’t hesitate to ask for temporary accommodations.

2. Take advantage of all available benefits

Many new parents overlook the benefits their company or federal law provides, such as parental leave benefits, short-term disability, or sick leave. Familiarize yourself with these policies, even if you don’t need them right away. They’re your safety net when unexpected challenges arise. HR can also guide you on childcare service subsidies, flexible hours, or wellness programs designed to support working moms.

3. Set manageable goals and expectations

Let’s be real: your first week back is not the best time to volunteer for a high-profile project. Start small. Break your work day into achievable chunks and celebrate small victories. Share your bandwidth honestly with your team so they can set realistic expectations for you too.

4. Consider a phased return if possible

Returning to full-time work after months of parental leave can be overwhelming. A phased return—working part-time hours or half days—gives you time to adjust without diving headfirst into the deep end. Even a temporary arrangement, such as reduced hours for the first couple of weeks, can be a game changer for both your work life and home life.

5. Tap into your support network

Identify your go-to people for help: family members for last-minute daycare backups, a close friend to vent to, or colleagues who can step in if you’re unexpectedly out. Also, join parenting support groups—whether they’re for working parents or specifically for new mothers. It’s comforting to connect with others navigating similar challenges.

6. Advocate for a mom-friendly work environment

If your company lacks basics like private spaces for pumping or flexible work hours, it’s worth speaking up. HR may not be aware of the gaps, and advocating for changes can benefit not just you but future working parents too. Even something as simple as requesting 15-minute buffers between meetings can make a huge difference.

7. Prepare for the unexpected

Daycare closures, sick days, or a little while when separation anxiety hits your child hard—these moments are inevitable. Have a backup plan ready, like a secondary childcare provider, a trusted family member, or the ability to switch to remote work temporarily. Having a plan will reduce stress when the unexpected happens.

8. Master the art of prioritization

Every working parent’s best friend is a well-crafted daily to-do list. Rank tasks by importance, not urgency. Remember, you don’t need to tackle everything in one day. Some things can wait, and learning to let go of the “perfect parent” or “perfect employee” ideal will do wonders for your mental health.

9. Make time for self-care—even during work hours

It’s easy to forget yourself in the flurry of work and parenting, but even little moments matter. Use part of your lunch break to take a walk, meditate, or simply sit in silence. These small acts of self-care add up and can prevent burnout.

10. Plan for reentry hiccups

Understand that the transition back to work will come with challenges. Maybe your first day doesn’t go as planned, or the new routine feels overwhelming during the first couple of weeks. Be patient with yourself and your family. Remind yourself that this adjustment is temporary, and things will settle into a rhythm over time.

The bottom line

Returning to work after a second baby doesn’t have to be a trial by fire. By communicating your needs, tapping into your benefits, and leaning on your support network, you can make this transition a smoother, less stressful experience. And remember, you’re not just managing work and parenting—you’re redefining success on your terms.

Ruthlessly practical advice to help you ease the return to work after your second baby

Prep the night before: 

​Lay out outfits, pack lunches, and double-check the diaper bag. These small steps can save precious time during chaotic mornings.

Focus on what matters most: 

The mental load is real. Choose what tasks are essential, and let go of the rest—this isn’t the time for perfection.   You might find this article on how to reframe productivity tools to make them work for working moms helpful.

Create a family calendar: 

Use a shared digital calendar to track daycare schedules, pediatrician appointments, and work deadlines. This is especially helpful if you’re managing a single-parent household or have family members helping with child care.  I personally use the free version of Notion (read more about why the free version is more than enough for the needs of working moms here!).

Prioritize your mental health: 

A little while spent on self-care, like a short walk or meditation during your lunch break, can recharge you for the rest of the work day.

Lower Your Standards (Seriously, Lower Them!): 

​Remember when you had one baby and managed to get out the door looking halfway presentable? Those days are over, my friend. With two kids, some days, success is simply getting everyone dressed—bonus points if you remember to put on pants. Accept that things will not always go smoothly, and that’s okay. You don’t have to be supermum every single day. Cut yourself some slack. Sanity tip: Create a “good enough” checklist—what must be done versus what can be let go. If your work gets done, your kids are fed, and everyone is alive by bedtime, you’re winning.

Master the Art of Tag-Teaming: 

​If you have a partner, teamwork is your lifeline. Sit down and divide household and parenting responsibilities as fairly as possible. One of you handles morning routines, the other does bedtime. Whoever isn’t on baby duty can take a breather. If you’re flying solo, outsource what you can—whether it’s meal delivery or asking family to help with childcare. Sanity tip: Schedule a weekly “team meeting” with your partner to reassess what’s working and what needs adjusting. Approach it like a work meeting—efficient and focused on solutions.

Implement a Strict Schedule (But Build in Buffer Time)

​With two kids, routines are your best friend. Implement a daily schedule that helps everyone know what’s happening and when, including work, pick-ups, meal times, and bedtime. But—and this is key—build in buffer time. You know things will go off track (cue the surprise toddler tantrum), so give yourself wiggle room to avoid the rush-induced stress. Sanity tip: Use calendar apps to organize both work and home life in one place, so nothing slips through the cracks. Set reminders for everything—pickups, meetings, even when to breathe!

Be Ruthless About Self-Care (Even If It’s Just 5 Minutes)

Self-care may seem impossible with two kids, but you need it now more than ever. Find small moments during the day to do something for you, whether it’s a 5-minute meditation before the kids wake up, sneaking a cup of coffee during nap time, or getting in a quick walk after work. It’s not about grand gestures—it’s about tiny, regular breaks to recharge. Sanity tip: Put self-care on the schedule, and treat it like a non-negotiable meeting. You wouldn’t skip a work meeting, right? The same rules apply.

Manage Expectations at Work (And Advocate for Flexibility)

Returning after a second maternity leave means you might have different priorities, and that’s okay. Be honest with your employer about what you need to thrive—whether it’s flexible hours, remote work options, or fewer responsibilities (at least in the short term). Advocating for yourself might feel daunting, but it’s crucial for your well-being and long-term career success. Sanity tip: Practice saying “no” to extra projects or after-hours work that could tip you into burnout territory. Set boundaries early on and stick to them.

Plan your first week carefully

Start with half days or part-time hours if possible. It gives you a chance to ease into the new routine without feeling overwhelmed.

Negotiate flexible hours or remote work

Many workplaces are more accommodating post-pandemic, and it’s worth asking for what you need.

Communicate with your employer 

Set boundaries for work hours and advocate for any accommodations, like private spaces for pumping or time off for sick days.

Hire help if you can

Whether it’s a babysitter, cleaning service, or a June care host for extra hands, this can be the best decision you’ll make.

Final thoughts on surviving (and thriving) the return to work after your second baby:

Returning to work after your second maternity leave is no joke. The challenges are real, and it’s easy to feel like you’re one meltdown (yours or the kids) away from losing it. But with a little planning, a lot of humor, and some solid boundaries, you can survive this transition without burning out.  Remember, you’re not alone. There are thousands of working mums navigating this exact same path—and we’re all just doing our best. So, lower those standards, embrace the chaos, and take it one (baby) step at a time.

Returning to work after a second baby is a hard time, but it doesn’t have to break you. With a clear plan, a solid support network, and practical strategies, you can conquer this new normal and even find joy in the balance. Remember, you’re not just a working mom—you’re a superhero in disguise, navigating the wild ride of full-time work and family life.

As always, if you have any comments please put them below. I’ll respond to each one personally.

Further reading:

The Stress Continuum Model: a first call to care

The stress continuum model is a powerful, evidence-based tool that helps you understand your stress levels at any given time. Stress is unavoidable, especially for working moms juggling careers, kids, and everything in between. But not all stress is bad! Originally developed by the US Marine Corps to address stress in combat settings, the stress continuum model is now used by individuals, families, and organizations to monitor and manage stress before it becomes overwhelming.  In this article you’ll discover what the stress continuum is, why it’s such a great tool for working moms, how to use it in your daily life, and what to do immediately depending on which stage you’re in. Read on to take the first steps to managing your stress before it starts to manage you!

About the author:

Dr Claire Ashley is a writer, mental health advocate, and mom of two who understands the daily challenges of juggling work, parenting, and self-care. With a background in creating relatable, evidence-based content, she’s passionate about providing working moms practical tools to manage stress and build more balanced, fulfilling lives. Her debut book, The Burnout Doctor, is being published on January 30th 2025. You can preorder at all good bookstores. Alternatively, click to order on Amazon (aff link).  

What is the stress continuum?

The stress continuum model categorizes stress into four zones:

Green Zone (ready): You’re calm, focused, and in control. Stress is manageable, and you’re thriving.

Yellow Zone (reacting): You’re experiencing stress reactions, like irritability, trouble sleeping, or mild anxiety. Stress is present but not debilitating.

Orange Zone (injured): You’re dealing with stress injuries, such as prolonged anxiety, mood swings, or physical exhaustion.

Red Zone (ill): Chronic stress has led to major depression, substance abuse, or other serious mental health issues requiring immediate intervention.

This model offers a common language to discuss psychological health and stress, helping you identify when your stress is creeping into dangerous territory.

Below is an infographic of the stress continuum. Feel free to pin it, or copy and paste into your notes app for easy reference! Image credit: https://cohcwcovidsupport.org

A colour coded infographic explains the stress continuum model. Starting with a green column (thriving), moving to yellow (surviving), orange (struggling) and red (in crisis).

Why the stress continuum is such a great tool for working moms

1. It helps you catch stress early.
The stress continuum provides clear markers to identify when stress is no longer manageable. For example, if you notice you’ve been snapping at your kids or struggling with delivery time at work, it’s a sign you’re moving from the green zone to the yellow zone.

2. It’s simple to use.
The model is visual and intuitive, making it easy to monitor your stress on a regular basis. You don’t need to be a therapist to understand where you stand.

3. It’s actionable.
Once you know your zone, you can take steps to get back to psychological health before things spiral.

Whilst it was originally developed to help service members, this tool isn’t just for combat settings—it’s a lifesaver for anyone facing chronic stress, including working moms. By using the stress continuum, you can spot unmanaged stress early and take steps to prevent burnout. It’s like having a personal radar for your mental health!

How to use the stress continuum in your daily life

1. Check in regularly.
Set a reminder to assess your stress levels daily or weekly. Ask yourself:

  • Am I calm and focused? (Green Zone)
  • Am I starting to feel overwhelmed? (Yellow Zone)
  • Am I constantly stressed or emotionally drained? (Orange Zone)
  • Am I completely burned out? (Red Zone)

2. Track patterns over time.
Use a journal or app to log your zones each day. If you notice frequent shifts into the orange zone, it’s time to address the underlying causes of your stress.

3. Discuss with family members/friends
The stress continuum model isn’t just for you—it can also help your partner, children and friends recognize their stress levels. Sharing this common language makes it easier to support each other during stressful situations.

Immediate actions for each zone on the stress continuum

Depending on where you fall on the stress continuum, here are practical ways to manage your stress effectively:

Green Zone: Keep thriving
  1. Stick to routines: Maintain habits like exercise, healthy eating, and quality sleep to stay balanced.
  2. Prioritize self-care: Take time for hobbies, mindfulness, or even a yoga class.
  3. Build strong relationships: Connect with friends and family to reinforce your support network.
Yellow Zone: Slow down
  1. Identify triggers: Pinpoint what’s pushing you into the yellow zone (e.g., too many household responsibilities or work deadlines).
  2. Practice relaxation techniques: Deep breathing, short walks, or meditation can lower stress.
  3. Set boundaries: Say “no” to extra tasks that aren’t a core function of your priorities.
Orange Zone: Take action
  1. Seek professional help: A therapist or counselor can help address stress injuries before they escalate.
  2. Reevaluate commitments: Reduce your load by delegating tasks or stepping back from nonessential activities.
  3. Tap into your community: Lean on your marine spouse friends, family members, or a support group for guidance.
Red Zone: Get immediate support
  1. Contact a professional: Reach out to a mental health professional for evaluation and treatment.
  2. Inform trusted people: Let your partner, family, or boss know you’re struggling so they can help.
  3. Avoid harmful coping mechanisms: Replace unhealthy habits like alcohol with healthier outlets, such as journaling or calling a friend.

Final thoughts on the stress continuum

As a working mom, your plate is always full, and stress is inevitable. The stress continuum model gives you a simple tool to monitor your stress levels, respond effectively, and stay in control. Whether you’re in the green zone or approaching the red zone, the key is to check in with yourself, take proactive steps, and seek professional help when needed.

By making this part of your routine, you’ll be better equipped to navigate the ups and downs of work, family, and everything in between.

If you enjoyed this article, you’ll love my weekly email newsletter, The Phoenix. Packed full of advice to help doctor you to manage stress, overcome burnout, and create an amazing career (but without the bro BS!). Click here to sign up now.

As always, I am happy to answer any comments you have about the stress continuum in the comments!

References

  1. US Marine Corps Operational Stress Control and Readiness (OSCAR) Program. Stress Continuum Model. Retrieved from https://www.marines.mil/portals/1/Publications/MCTP%203-30E%20Formerly%20MCRP%206-11C.pdf 
  2. American Psychological Association Stress Reactions and Mental Health. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/stress

How to overcome perfectionism and burnout as a working mom

Perfectionism is the relentless pursuit of unattainably high standards, often fueled by internal pressures and societal expectations. For a working mom, this manifests in various ways: striving for a spotless home, preparing Instagram-worthy meals, ensuring young children excel in every activity, and climbing the corporate ladder—all while being a “perfect mom.”  This intense drive to meet unrealistic expectations can result in feelings of failure, even when you’re doing your absolute best. Social media often amplifies these pressures, showcasing picture-perfect families that create a false sense of what being a “good mom” looks like. The symptoms of mom burnout—physical exhaustion, emotional health struggles, and a pervasive sense of “not enough time”—are often rooted in the inability to let go of perfectionism.  

In this article, you can expect to learn how perfectionism shows up for working moms, its impact, the Perfectionist Cycle how to break it, and how perfectionism is linked to burnout.  Finally, you’ll learn 5 practical ways you can successfully overcome perfectionism in your daily life, and feel less stressed!  

About the author

Dr Claire Ashley is a passionate advocate for working moms and a soon-to-be-published author and public speaker specializing in stress management, burnout, and work-life balance. With personal experiences as a mother navigating societal pressures and professional challenges, she combines empathy with evidence-based advice to support moms striving for healthier, happier lives.

You can pre-order her debut book, The Burnout Doctor, from all good bookstores now!  

How perfectionism shows up for working moms

Perfectionism is a mindset characterized by setting excessively high standards and striving for flawlessness, often accompanied by critical self-evaluation. For working moms, perfectionism can be a double-edged sword: while it may drive them to excel in their careers and personal lives, it often leads to burnout, guilt, and dissatisfaction when those standards feel unattainable.  Let’s dive into what it feels like to experience perfectionism now: 

1. Thoughts:
Perfectionist working moms often believe they must be the perfect parent and employee simultaneously. This might sound like:

  • “If I’m not doing it all, I’m failing.”
  • “There’s a right way to do everything, and I need to find it.”
  • “Other moms seem to manage it better than I do.”

Society often reinforces these thoughts through expectations from workplaces, social media, and family dynamics.

2. Feelings:
The emotional toll of perfectionism can manifest as:

  • Anxiety over incomplete tasks on your to-do list
  • Guilt for prioritizing work over child care or vice versa
  • Resentment about unmet high expectations, either their own or others

In some cases, these feelings can escalate to mental health challenges like postpartum depression or panic attacks, particularly when moms feel they are constantly falling short.

3. Actions:
Perfectionism impacts behavior, often leading to:

  • Over-committing at work and home, leaving not enough hours for rest
  • Micromanaging household responsibilities to maintain control
  • Avoiding hard conversations about workload or boundaries
  • Using unhelpful coping mechanisms like having a glass of wine (or several!), or stress-eating

If this sounds like you, read on! 

The impact of perfectionism on working moms

Mental and emotional health

Constantly chasing perfection can deplete emotional reserves, leaving little space for joy or creativity. This may lead to chronic stress, which affects physical health, sleep quality, and resilience.

Time management challenges

Perfectionism often means spending excessive time on tasks that don’t align with a mom’s core values. For example, an hour perfecting a birthday cake might steal precious moments that could have been spent fostering strong relationships with their child or partner.

Work-life balance struggles

Perfectionism can cause working moms to view their dual roles as competing rather than complementary. Whether you’re working full-time or part-time, these moms often feel torn between achieving career success and being present at home.

The Perfectionist Cycle: how it traps you

Breaking the perfectionist cycle isn’t about lowering standards—it’s about choosing balance, self-care, and joy over the endless pursuit of "perfect."
Breaking the perfectionist cycle

Perfectionism is often fueled by the belief that achieving a lofty goal will finally bring relief, validation, or peace of mind. Instead, what typically happens is the perfectionist cycle:

  1. Unrealistic expectations: Setting impossibly high standards for yourself, whether at work, at home, or in parenting.
  2. Intense effort: Pouring immense time and energy into meeting these standards, often at the cost of physical and emotional health.
  3. Momentary achievement: Reaching the goal, but finding only fleeting satisfaction.
  4. Self-criticism: Instead of celebrating success, noticing minor flaws or ways you “could have done better.”
  5. Raising the bar: Setting an even higher standard for the next goal, restarting the cycle.

For working moms, this cycle is everywhere: striving for a spotless home, meeting every family obligation, excelling in a demanding job, or trying to be a “perfect mom” who never misses a soccer game or bedtime story. The problem is that achievement doesn’t break the cycle. It feeds it. Each success only raises the stakes, increasing internal pressures and perpetuating the sense of “never enough.”

Why achievement doesn’t satisfy perfectionists

For perfectionists, the satisfaction of reaching a goal is overshadowed by the focus on perceived flaws and the next challenge. This is because perfectionism isn’t about the goal but the fear of failure, inadequacy, or judgment. External achievements can’t fix the internal fear or need for control that drives perfectionism. Instead, chasing perfection leaves moms physically exhausted, emotionally depleted, and at risk of parental burnout.

What breaks the perfectionist cycle if it’s not achievement or success?

The key to breaking free is letting go of perfectionism and embracing being “good enough.” This requires a mindset shift prioritizing self-compassion, personal growth, and aligning with core values rather than external validation. Here’s how working moms can achieve this:

  1. Practice self-compassion: Replace harsh self-criticism with kindness. Treat yourself as you would a close friend.
  2. Redefine success: Focus on progress, connection, and meaningful moments rather than flawless results.
  3. Set healthy boundaries: Learn to say no to unrealistic expectations, whether from yourself, family members, or societal pressures.
  4. Focus on emotional health: Prioritize personal time, stress management, and activities that nourish your well-being.
  5. Celebrate small victories: Shift from chasing big achievements to appreciating the small steps and daily wins that reflect your hard work and love.

Working moms can take the first step by challenging the belief that their worth is tied to achievement. For instance, instead of striving for a spotless home, you might decide that a lived-in home filled with love is more meaningful.  By building a support system, learning to ask for help, and practicing gratitude for what you’ve already achieved, you can finally step off the hamster wheel of perfectionism.

Breaking the perfectionist cycle isn’t about lowering standards—it’s about choosing balance, self-care, and joy over the endless pursuit of “perfect.”

How perfectionism leads to burnout

Burnout occurs when stress levels reach a breaking point, and for working moms, perfectionism is a key contributor. Here’s how perfectionism creates a vicious cycle leading to mommy burnout:

  1. Unrealistic standards: Perfectionism sets moms up to feel like failures when you can’t do it all.
  2. Excessive workload: Household chores, family obligations, and professional life pile up, creating mental and physical exhaustion.
  3. Neglected boundaries: Many working moms have a hard time saying no, and overcommitting in your personal and professional lives.
  4. Depleted resources: Without proper stress management, moms reach their breaking point, experiencing symptoms of burnout like fatigue, irritability, and a loss of joy in daily life.

Recognizing signs of burnout

  • Constant physical exhaustion that isn’t alleviated by rest
  • Increased feelings of mom guilt or inadequacy
  • A sense of detachment from family members, especially young children
  • Loss of motivation in professional or personal growth
  • Persistent stress or anxiety, even at the end of the day

So, managing any perfectionism that you’re experiencing isn’t just about making how you think, feel, and act feel easier and less stressful- it’ll also help you to avoid burnout. 

Let’s move on to think about how you can achieve this! 

5 practical ways working moms can overcome perfectionism in their daily lives

5 practical but life-changing ways working moms can overcome perfectionism in their daily lives. Reframe “perfect” as “aligned with your core values” Challenge your inner critic with real-time statistics Embrace “good enough” parenting Practice self-compassion instead of guilt Seek practical support and professional help Read on to discover more and take your first steps towards a life free of perfectionism
5 practical but life-changing ways working moms can overcome perfectionism in their daily lives

Let’s explore five realistic, research-backed ways to overcome perfectionism, grounded in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and other evidence-based approaches.

1. Reframe “perfect” as “aligned with your core values”

Perfectionism often traps us into chasing an unattainable “right way” of doing things—whether at work or home. Instead, focus on what aligns with your core values.

  • Ask yourself: What truly matters to me as a mom and as a professional?
    For example, if spending quality time with your kids is a priority, remind yourself that building Lego towers or chatting over dinner is far more valuable than meticulously cleaning the house.

Practical tip:

Write down your top three values—such as connection, growth, or health—and keep them visible. Use them as a compass to decide where to invest your time and energy.

2. Challenge your inner critic with real-time statistics

Your inner perfectionist thrives on exaggeration: “I never do enough!” or “I’m a bad mom because I missed the bake sale.” Combat these thoughts with real-time statistics.

  • Look at your day objectively. Did you complete a new project at work? Did you read to your child before bed? These are sure signs you’re showing up in meaningful ways.

Practical tip:

Keep a journal of your daily wins—big and small. Seeing your accomplishments on paper can provide a sense of accomplishment and reduce feelings of inadequacy.

3. Embrace “good enough” parenting

There’s no such thing as a perfect time or a perfect sense of balance between work and motherhood. Psychologists call this the “good enough parent” principle—accepting that your love and care are what truly make you a good mother, not your ability to do it all.

  • Remember: Kids don’t need perfect primary caregivers; they need present, responsive, and loving ones.

Practical tip:

When you’re tempted to overdo it (like staying up all night to craft the “perfect” birthday party), pause and ask: Will this effort align with my child’s needs—or my perfectionist expectations?

4. Practice self-compassion instead of guilt

Feeling guilty is almost a default setting for individual moms trying to juggle everything. Instead of beating yourself up, practice self-compassion. Studies show that self-compassion reduces stress and increases resilience.

  • Replace negative self-talk with kindness: “I’m doing the best I can with the resources I have.”

Practical tip:

When you feel guilt creeping in (e.g., for working late or taking time for yourself), treat yourself as you would a friend: would you berate them or offer understanding?

5. Seek practical support and professional help

Perfectionism often worsens in the face of a lack of support. Whether it’s societal expectations or personal pressure, no one can tackle everything alone.

  • Consider enlisting practical support, such as a babysitter, meal delivery service, or a therapist. Many American moms have found a positive impact from professional guidance, particularly with CBT techniques to reframe perfectionist thoughts.

Practical tip:

Take advantage of your community, whether that’s swapping help with other moms or exploring professional help like therapy. Seeking support is not a sign of failure—it’s a sign of strength.

Final thoughts: permit yourself to live a beautiful, imperfect life

Perfectionism may whisper that there’s a right time and best way to do everything.  But the truth is that perfection isn’t the goal. The goal is connection, joy, and living in alignment with your values. For working moms, the last thing they need is more pressure. By embracing imperfection, prioritizing wisely, and seeking support, moms can find balance and peace in their beautifully imperfect lives.

As working moms, we’re told we can “have it all,” but perfectionism turns that promise into a burden. Worse, perfectionism and burnout often co-exist and feed into each other. By embracing strategies like aligning with your values, practicing self-compassion, and seeking support, you can create a beautiful life that’s meaningful, messy, and completely your own.

If you have any questions please feel free to leave them in the comments.  I’ll answer each one personally. 

Plus- if you enjoyed this article then you’ll love my weekly newsletter, The Phoenix.  The Phoenix doctors working mothers to overcome stress, prevent burnout, and create careers that work for them.  Sign up here.

References/Further reading

  1. American Psychological Association. (2021). The impact of parental burnout. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/10/cover-parental-burnout
  2. Mayo Clinic. (2023). Job burnout: How to spot it and take action. Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/burnout/art-20046642
  3. Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2022). Rising parental expectations linked to perfectionism in college students. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2022/03/parental-expectations-perfectionism
  4. American Psychological Association. (2021). Understanding Perfectionism. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2011/perfectionism
  5. Harris, R. (2009). ACT Made Simple: An Easy-to-Read Primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. New Harbinger Publications.

8 rewritten productivity tools for working moms in 2025

Being a working mom is like having a never-ending to-do list that breeds while you sleep. You’ve probably heard of all those classic productivity tools—SMART goals, time blocking, etc—and thought, “Yeah, that’s great, but does it come with a nanny?” The reality is, that most productivity advice is designed for people who aren’t constantly interrupted by small humans needing snacks, baths, or help to find their favorite sock.

Traditional productivity advice needs a serious mom-friendly makeover. In this article, I’ve explained how and why this is the case. Plus, I’ve taken 8 classic productivity tools and reworked them to fit the wonderfully chaotic reality of working motherhood. 

Traditional productivity tools often fail working moms because they’re designed with unrealistic expectations of uninterrupted focus and undivided attention, which don’t align with the fragmented reality of balancing a full–time job and family life. Tools like task lists, time management apps, and bullet journals prioritize rigid schedules and productivity at the expense of flexibility, ignoring the emotional labor and constant juggling between work and home responsibilities. Instead of helping, these tools can add pressure, creating frustration and guilt when moms can’t meet their unattainable demands.

More practical approaches, like rolling to-do lists, focusing on smaller “micro-wins,” and using tools that blend work and home tasks, offer greater flexibility and compassion. By prioritizing progress over perfection and tailoring strategies to the unpredictability of mom life, working moms can manage their ongoing struggles with less stress and more balance.

About the author: 

I’m Claire, and I’m a doctor and mom of two.  I’m a passionate advocate for working moms and a soon-to-be-published author specializing in stress management, burnout, and work-life balance. With personal experience as a mother navigating burnout, I combine empathy with evidence-based advice to support moms striving for healthier, happier lives. 

Ready to get more done with fewer meltdowns (yours and theirs)? Let’s get started!

Why traditional productivity tools don’t work for working moms—and what to try instead

Productivity tools—like task lists, time management apps, and bullet journals—are supposed to help us conquer our day. But for working moms, who are constantly balancing careers and family life, these tools often fall short. Many of these tools come with unrealistic expectations and seem more suited to a world where uninterrupted focus is a guarantee, a world with endless “focus time” where “just set a timer and prioritize your top three tasks” is actual advice.

Let’s unpack why these traditional productivity tools often don’t fit the work and home lives of *busy moms* and explore a few ways to make them more realistic.

Here’s why traditional productivity tools fall short:

Why traditional productivity tools don't work for working moms: They’re designed for ideal (and unrealistic) conditions They don’t account for the dual demands of home and work Unrealistic expectations and pressure to succeed Time management tools assume linear work time They’re not adapted to the emotional labor of parenthood
Why traditional productivity tools don’t work for working moms

1. They’re designed for ideal (and unrealistic) conditions

   – Most productivity tools assume you can dive into a “power hour” of work without anyone interrupting. But if you’re a working mom, you know the chaos of a typical day rarely allows for undivided attention. Trying to adhere to these rigid structures only leads to frustration when real life doesn’t cooperate. And when there’s never enough time, feeling productive becomes more of a fairy tale than a reality.

2. They don’t account for the dual demands of home and work life

   – Task lists or time management apps might work well for someone whose primary responsibility is work, but for moms, there’s a constant mental shift between “work tasks” and “home tasks.” Managing both sets of demands is like juggling two full-time jobs—it’s exhausting!  No task app handles, “Write a report, pick up extracurricular activities forms, and remember the grocery list.”

3. Unrealistic expectations and pressure to succeed

   – Busy moms already feel pressure to “do it all,” and productivity tools can unintentionally add to that by setting impossible standards. Apps and planners promise to help you reach your “big dreams” and financial goals, but often end up adding to the guilt of not doing enough. When you’re constantly measuring yourself against these tools, you’re left feeling like you’re falling short, which can be incredibly draining.

4. Time management tools assume linear work time

   – Traditional tools and planners assume consistent hours of work, but for working moms, a day is broken into bits and pieces. There’s focus time after the kids are asleep, a 10-minute window during lunch, or a brief, quiet moment before the next kid needs help. Moms need tools that allow for ebb and flow, not rigid, uninterrupted hours.

5. They’re not adapted to the emotional labor of parenthood

   – Managing a home involves a ton of detailed information that doesn’t fit neatly into a daily task list or planner. Remembering doctor’s appointments, planning healthy meals, tracking extracurricular activities, and keeping tabs on each family member’s preferences aren’t something most productivity tools help with. Instead, they create a disconnect by focusing only on work tasks or linear goals.

Practical tips for working moms: productivity tools that actually work

Instead of squeezing your life into traditional productivity tools, consider these creative approaches built around motherhood’s unique demands.

1. Flexible task lists for the real day ahead

   – Make a daily task list, but divide it into high-priority tasks and “nice-to-have” items. This way, you feel accomplished if you get through the essentials, and if life goes sideways (as it often does!), you’re not hard on yourself for not getting everything done.

2. Choose tools that blend work and life

   – Look for apps that allow you to combine both work and home tasks in one place, so you’re not juggling multiple lists. Time management apps like Trello or Asana can help you organize both, with one board for work projects and another for family stuff.  One of the best productivity apps I’ve tried is Notion.  I love Notion for helping organize all aspects of my life.  You can integrate multiple calendars for one.  You can also segment your to-do list into your home life and your work life on the same screen.  It’s pretty intuitive to use and the best part is that you only need their free plan.  It’s the right tool to help working moms boost productivity IMHO.  

Read more about my thoughts on Notion here.– I dive deep to compare the free and first tier of paid plans, and which version is best for working moms.

3. Focus on micro-wins rather than big wins

   – Instead of a marathon power hour, find 15-minute windows where you can knock off smaller tasks. This method lets you see progress without needing to carve out blocks of time that rarely exist in a mom’s schedule. These “micro-wins” help build momentum and give a sense of accomplishment even on the busiest days.

4. Make use of a good planner designed for moms

   – Traditional planners are great, but some planners are specifically designed to meet the needs of moms who balance family life with work. These planners often have sections for meal planning, family schedules, and important reminders that aren’t limited to the 9-to-5 world. Good planners make it easier to see the whole picture of what you’re managing.  Buy a blank bullet journal if you’re not able to find a planner for your own needs.  Or, just use the free planner templates on Notion!

5. Set up a “Rolling To-Do List”

   – Instead of feeling frustrated by everything left undone, consider creating a rolling to-do list that moves with you from day to day. This way, items that weren’t possible today can carry over to tomorrow without guilt. You’re not resetting daily, so you don’t feel the pressure of a fresh list every morning.

6. Use visual cues to help organize tasks

   – Consider visual reminders—sticky notes, color-coding, or even a family wall where everyone’s tasks and schedules are visible. Having a command center in a shared space can be a powerful tool for tracking the moving pieces of family and work life. Plus, when you can see everything laid out, it’s easier to adapt when things change.

Traditional productivity tools can end up creating unrealistic expectations and additional stress for working moms. They often don’t allow for the unpredictability of real life, the need to shift between work and home priorities, or the emotional labor that moms carry daily. Instead, focus on tools and methods that blend work and family tasks, allow for flexibility, and celebrate small wins. By letting go of the pressure to fit into rigid productivity structures, you’ll be able to create a system that truly works for *you*—a system that empowers, rather than overwhelms.

Now onto the fun part!  Here are 8 traditional productivity tools that I’ve performed a working mom makeover on:  

8 rewritten and supercharged productivity tools for working moms

8 traditional productivity tools rewritten to actually help working moms in 2025 OUT: SMART goals The Pomodoro technique Time blocking Eat That Frog The Ivy Lee Method Bullet journaling GTD (Getting Things Done) The 2 minute rule. IN: SMARTER goals The Momodoro technique Time chunking Pick your tadpoles The Ivy Low- Key Method Practical mom journaling GTD (Getting Through the Day) The 5 Minute Mom Rule
8 traditional productivity tools rewritten to actually help working moms in 2025

1. SMART Goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-Bound)

Why it needs a rewrite:

While this method is great for setting clear goals, it often feels a bit too rigid for moms, who deal with constant interruptions and evolving priorities. Plus, the pressure to make things perfect can lead to feeling overwhelmed.

The working mom rewrite:
SMARTER Goals

  • Specific—but flexible enough to handle chaos.
  • Measurable—but don’t forget to celebrate the little wins too.
  • Achievable—given your actual time and energy, not some fantasy version of yourself.
  • Relevant—to your personal life and your work-life balance, not just career growth.
  • Time-bound—but leave room for family emergencies (or spontaneous dance parties).
  • Emotional check-in—does this goal feel right, or is it draining you?
  • Revised regularly—because life happens, and your goals can change too.

2. The Pomodoro Technique

Why it needs a rewrite:

The idea of working for 25 minutes straight, then taking a break, sounds great—until you get interrupted by a small human needing a snack 10 minutes in, or the school phone call of doom (they’ve got a fever, AGAIN) throws your whole day off.

The working mom rewrite:

The “Momodoro” Technique

  • Set a timer for 15 minutes instead of 25, because let’s be real—your time is usually cut short anyway.
  • Use this time to focus on one task, but embrace interruptions. If a kid barges in, hit “pause,” deal with the situation, and come back.
  • After the 15 minutes are up, take a 5-minute break… or more, depending on how much chaos is currently in your house.
  • If possible, do a few cycles in a row, but remember: even one “Momodoro” is a win on a busy day!

3. Time Blocking

Why it needs a rewrite:

This technique involves scheduling every minute of your day into specific blocks of time for each task. It sounds organized and efficient, but for moms, rigid schedules fall apart the moment someone gets sick or homework help takes longer than expected.

The working mom rewrite:

Time chunking

  • Rather than blocking off precise hours, chunk your day into broad, flexible periods (morning, afternoon, evening).
  • Within those chunks, have a few tasks you’d like to complete—but be kind to yourself if things don’t go as planned.
  • Use buffer zones (extra time for spillover) so that one event doesn’t cause a domino effect of missed tasks.
  • Accept that sometimes the “evening work block” will turn into “chill on the couch with Netflix” and that’s OK.

4. Eat That Frog

Why it needs a rewrite:

This tool suggests tackling the hardest or least enjoyable task first thing in the morning to get it out of the way. But for working mums, mornings are usually a circus of breakfast chaos and getting the kids out the door. Your energy might not even peak until later in the day!

The working mom rewrite:

Pick Your Tadpoles

  • Instead of focusing on the hardest task first, choose one or two “tadpoles”—small, doable tasks to create early momentum. This boosts your sense of accomplishment without draining your limited morning energy.
  • Save the actual “frog” (the tough task) for a time in the day when your kids are napping, at school, or occupied—basically, whenever you have a real chunk of time to tackle it.

5. The Ivy Lee Method

Why it needs a rewrite:

The Ivy Lee Method suggests writing down your six most important tasks the night before and tackling them in order. It’s great for simplicity, but it assumes you’ll have uninterrupted time, which moms rarely have. Plus, sometimes you wake up and realize half your list doesn’t make sense anymore.

The working mom rewrite:

The Ivy Low-Key Method

  • Write down your top three tasks for the next day (keeping it realistic).
  • Prioritize them, but build in flexibility. You can swap tasks based on energy levels, unexpected events, or simply the chaos of the day.
  • If you complete those three tasks, consider the day a win, no matter what else happens.
  • For bonus productivity, pick one “mum task” (like laundry) and one “work task” to create balance across both spheres.

6. Bullet Journaling

Why it needs a rewrite:

While bullet journaling is great for organizing thoughts and tracking goals, it can easily turn into an Instagram-worthy hobby that’s more about making the journal look pretty than about actual productivity.

The working mom rewrite:

Practical mom journaling

  • Ditch the fancy pens and elaborate layouts. Keep it simple with three key sections: “Must Do Today,” “Can Wait,” and “What’s for Dinner?”
  • Use your journal as a catch-all for work tasks, home tasks, and random thoughts you need to offload (like remembering to bring extra snacks for soccer practice).
  • Add a “gratitude” section to remind yourself of the little victories each day (e.g., “Everyone ate vegetables today!”- lol this will never happen, but you get the gist!).

7. GTD (Getting Things Done)

Why it needs a rewrite:

GTD is all about breaking tasks down into actionable steps, organizing them into contexts, and tracking everything. For a mum, who already has a million “contexts” (home, work, kids, life), this can get overwhelming fast.

The working mom rewrite:

GTD (Getting Through the Day)

  • Focus on one or two major projects at a time, and break them into small, bite-sized steps.
  • Forget about fancy contexts. Organize tasks into broad categories like “Work,” “Kids,” and “Life Admin” to keep things manageable.
  • Use tools like your phone’s notes app, a whiteboard, or a simple planner to track what’s most important without getting bogged down in excessive details.

8. The Two-Minute Rule

Why it needs a rewrite:

The original Two-Minute Rule (if something will take less than two minutes, do it now) sounds efficient but can easily lead to distraction when you’re constantly putting out fires as a mom.

The working mom rewrite:

The Five-Minute Mom Rule

  • If a task can be done in five minutes or less (not two!), and it’s important, do it.
  • But also, be selective. Don’t let the little, unimportant tasks hijack your focus when you’re in the middle of something bigger. For example, don’t start organizing the pantry just because you spotted a stray snack bag while doing laundry.

Being a working mom is hard enough without feeling like you’re failing at productivity.  You’re already doing so much—probably more than you give yourself credit for. These rewrites aren’t about being perfect; they’re about being practical. So, the next time someone suggests you “just hustle harder,” feel free to send them this article and then go take a well-deserved break.

Remember: progress, not perfection. And on those days when “getting things done” means keeping the kids alive and not losing your keys? Well, that’s productivity, too!

If you enjoyed this article, then you’ll love my weekly newsletter.  Sign up here! 

Avoid 6 mistakes working moms make in their daily routine

If you’ve ever googled “how to build a daily routine,” you’ve probably come across advice that sounds great… if you have unlimited time, no children, and magical powers that let you create extra hours in the day.  According to most of the internet, your ideal daily schedule should start with a morning routine that looks like this: wake up at 5 a.m., meditate for 30 minutes, journal your intentions, cook a healthy breakfast, do a 10-step skincare routine, and somehow have time to run 5 miles before you sit down to work. For working moms, this is nothing short of laughable.  If you’re a working mom juggling family life, work, and school activities, you probably laugh-cry at the thought of doing even one of these things in your daily life without multiple family members yelling your name by 6 a.m.

The reality for most of us is that we’re lucky if we get five minutes to shower alone. The idea of “finding time” for elaborate self-care routines simply adds to the stress. So, let’s ditch the unrealistic advice and get real about what works for busy, stressed-out working moms.

So why does the traditional advice fall flat?  And how can we busy moms set up a routine that works *for us* and doesn’t leave us feeling like bad moms for not achieving a flawless morning ritual?  Furthermore, how can routines advise that a typical day for a mom will be very different, depending on whether you work full-time, part-time, remote, hybrid, or in the office? 

What you’ll learn about the mistakes working moms make in their daily routine in this post

This post will tell you all the reasons why traditional routine advice often doesn’t fit the unpredictable lives of working moms, who juggle work, kids, and home responsibilities.  You’ll also learn how and why this is a risk factor for burnout.  Rigid routines with early starts and structured “me-time” don’t match the demands of your days. Instead, you should focus on your natural energy peaks, aligning high-focus tasks with times when you feel most alert, rather than sticking to rigid schedules. Embracing micro-routines—small, flexible daily routines—allows for manageable accomplishments without the pressure of a perfect routine. Working with children’s schedules rather than against them helps you to feel more balanced and reduces stress. Creating flexible core routines, like meal prep or tidying, provides an anchor without the need for a strict timetable. Simple evening routines, such as preparing for the next day, can also make mornings more manageable. And finally, it’s essential to accept that some days will be messy; routines should adapt to real-life demands. These approaches allow working moms to build routines that support their unique lives without unnecessary stress or guilt.  Read on to learn how to do this! 

About the author: 

I’m Dr Claire, and I’m a UK-based family doctor.  I’m also a mama of 2 who has struggled with time management, the demands of work, and being a good mother.  My own experience with burnout means that I am a firm believer in helping working moms achieve that elusive work-life balance.  I now work as an expert in workplace mental health and wellbeing, and I am passionate about supporting women in the workplace.    

Let’s start by talking about why traditional routine advice doesn’t help working moms. 

Why traditional daily routine advice doesn’t help working moms

Traditional routine advice often assumes that you have hours of free time to devote to self-care and productivity hacks. Unfortunately, that’s not the reality for working moms who are already juggling a full-time job, the demands of kids, and the household chores. According to a study by the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, moms spend twice as much time as dads on housework and childcare, even when both parents work full-time.

And then there’s the “motherhood penalty”—that nagging fear that if you take too much time for yourself, you’ll fall behind at work or somehow be seen as less committed. Research from Harvard Business Review shows that mothers often feel this pressure, leading to burnout. Traditional routines don’t take into account the emotional and physical load that working moms carry.

Let’s be real: working moms need daily routines that fit into their busy lives, help reduce stress, and—if we’re lucky—create tiny pockets of calm in the chaos.

Most routine advice for a “successful morning” assumes a world with enough hours in the day, uninterrupted “me-time,” and a level of work-life balance that only happens in social media dreams.

The 6 mistakes working moms make in their daily routine

Here are the 6 things that you are told to do, in order to have a successful daily routine:

1. Wake up early (before anyone else in the house, of course).

2. Meditate for 10-20 minutes to clear your mind.

3.  Journal for a bit of “me-time” and self-reflection.

4. Exercise– because we’re all meant to get those *productive hours* in before dawn.

5. Have a nutritious breakfast without interruption (lol)

6. Review your goals for the day and get your mindset ready.

Sounds nice, right?  There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of the advice above.  But for some of you, this just doesn’t cut it. Here’s why:

Why typical daily routine advice doesn’t work for working moms

​1. The myth of me-time

   – The idea of waking up early for extra “me-time” sounds nice until you realize that the baby was up all night or a young kid needs help finding a favorite water bottle right first thing in the morning. Hectic days don’t magically create extra time just because you set an alarm.

2. The Unrealistic “Start of the Day”

   – You might set intentions for a perfect morning, but school days, extracurricular activities, and getting lunch boxes packed means you’re lucky if you’re dressed by 9 a.m. Mornings become a race against the clock, not a mindful ritual.

3. The Pressure of “Best Start” Expectations

   – Being told to start each day with a perfect routine can trigger mom guilt. When life throws curveballs, we’re left feeling like we’re not doing enough. It’s hard to feel like a good mom when society tells you that your morning smoothie will set the tone for the entire day.

4. Different Schedules, Endless Juggling

   – Traditional advice assumes a one-size-fits-all schedule. But every mom’s life has unique twists—part-time work, full time work, hybrid schedules, older kids, babies, toddlers. These routines rarely account for the juggling act that moms face daily.

5. The Overwhelming Focus on Productivity

   – We’re often told that more productivity equals a more successful life. But when working moms hear that, it feels like just one more area where we need to overachieve. Sometimes, getting everyone out the door with shoes on is a huge win.

Working moms are more at risk of burnout 

Traditional routine advice can be a fast track to burnout for working moms because, honestly, it sets a completely unrealistic bar. These routines are designed with the idea that your day is predictable, that you have uninterrupted time, and that “getting up earlier” is the solution to all your problems. But the reality is, for a working mom, there’s rarely a predictable day. You’re constantly juggling—the kids might be up at night, the morning might start with a missing shoe crisis, and by the time you sit down to work, you’re already in catch-up mode.

Trying to force a routine that’s rigid and doesn’t account for the unpredictable nature of mom life just creates this feeling of never quite being good enough.  When you can’t fit in that peaceful meditation or the early morning workout everyone says is the “best way” to start your day, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing. Over time, this constant self-criticism and the pressure to achieve a picture-perfect daily routine can drain you, mentally and physically.

Plus, traditional routines often ignore the emotional weight moms carry, like mom guilt or the mental load of remembering everything from doctor’s appointments to who likes which lunch box. This kind of advice doesn’t leave any room for flexibility, for those days when you’re running on empty, or when a sick kid means your morning is flipped upside down. Constantly chasing a routine that’s incompatible with real life means you’re always pushing yourself to meet expectations that weren’t built for you. And that constant push? It’s a one-way ticket to burnout.

Avoid burnout with these 13 practical and pragmatic daily routine tips that actually work for busy moms
Avoid burnout with these 13 practical and pragmatic daily routine tips that actually work for busy moms

13 practical and pragmatic daily routine tips that *actually* work for busy moms

The key to a *good routine* is flexibility, compassion, and a healthy dose of reality. Here are some ideas that might look a little *different* than the standard advice but will help you feel more in control of your *busy day*:

1. Let Go of the “Ideal Morning”

There’s no such thing as a “perfect start.” Focus on just two non-negotiables every morning—ones that make you feel ready for the day without adding *mom guilt* or extra pressure. Maybe it’s a five-minute stretch or even a warm shower before anyone else is up.  Alternatively, aim for a 10-minute reset when you wake up. Grab a coffee or tea, breathe, and spend a couple of minutes stretching or mentally prepping for the day. This tiny ritual can help you start your day feeling a little more in control, without the pressure of an hour-long “self-care” routine. Bonus: Doing this can give you a mental boost, helping you show up more focused and productive at work.

2. Plan Around Your Energy Peaks (Not the Clock)

Use your productive hours wisely. If you’re sharpest in the afternoon, schedule high-focus work tasks then, not at 5 a.m. when the world says you “should” be at your best. This allows you to create a routine that feels natural.

3. Embrace “Micro-Routines” for a Busy Schedule

  Not every routine has to happen every day, at the same time. Think about routines as smaller, flexible tasks. Maybe it’s drinking a glass of water before each meal, or a quick tidy-up of the living room after the end of the day. Micro-routines are achievable without requiring an entire day to manage them.

4. Work with, Not Against, Your Kids’ Schedule

Make routines that fit into your kids’ rhythm. If your young kids need your attention in the mornings, save your high-focus tasks for the *second shift* after bedtime. Adjust your day around school activities or childcare without fighting it.

5. Build a “Flexible Core” Routine

Have a couple of core tasks—daily tasks like meal prep or laundry—that anchor your day, but leave the timing open. This helps you adapt to interruptions. Whether it’s doing the dishes after family dinners or folding laundry after work, flexible core routines can happen whenever you have enough time.

6. Have a Realistic Evening Routine

 For moms, evening routines might be less about “unwinding” and more about preparing for tomorrow. Small changes like packing bags, getting water bottles ready, or planning for school days will give you a better chance to handle the next morning with less stress.

7. Accept the Messy Days

Not every day will look the same, and that’s okay. Working moms have different schedules, busy schedules* and sometimes very little predictability. Embrace those long days where routines don’t happen and remember that every day is different. Celebrate the little things and keep moving forward.

8. Time Block the Non-Negotiables (Work and Life)

Time-blocking is an old productivity hack, but it works for working moms when you use it to carve out space for both work tasks and life essentials. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by a massive to-do list, block out time for your most important work tasks and the non-negotiable life stuff—like school runs, meal prep, or kiddo’s bedtime. And yes, schedule breaks. It might sound counterintuitive, but even a 15-minute break helps with focus and reduces burnout.

9. Batch Small Tasks Like a Boss

Have you ever found yourself answering work emails while simultaneously cooking dinner, helping with homework, and replying to the group chat? Spoiler alert: multitasking isn’t the most efficient way to manage your day. Instead, batch similar tasks together. Need to knock out emails? Do them all at once in a dedicated block. House chores piling up? Set a 20-minute timer and tackle as much as you can in that window. This helps reduce decision fatigue and gives you a little more mental breathing room.

10. Sneak in Self-Care (In Tiny Doses)

Forget hour-long meditation sessions or bubble baths. For working moms, self-care needs to be quick and realistic. Sneak it in where you can—five minutes of deep breathing before your first Zoom meeting, stretching while the kettle boils, or listening to a favorite podcast while tidying up. The key is consistency, not duration. Tiny moments of self-care throughout the day help recharge your batteries without derailing your schedule.

11. Set Work Boundaries That Stick

When you’re working from home (or even in a hybrid role), it’s easy for work to bleed into every corner of your day. However, setting strict work boundaries is essential for reducing stress. Set a clear “end time” for your workday and stick to it. Once that laptop is closed, it stays closed. Communicate your boundaries to your boss or team—most of them will respect it if you’re consistent. Tip: Use technology to help. Schedule an email “pause” after work hours, or set your phone to “Do Not Disturb” mode to avoid getting sucked into work tasks at night.

12. Delegate Like You Mean It

Here’s the thing—if you’re trying to do everything yourself, you’re setting yourself up for burnout. Get comfortable with delegating tasks, whether it’s at work or home. At work, delegate smaller tasks to coworkers or use productivity tools to streamline your to-do list. At home, involve your partner (if you have one), and get the kids to help with age-appropriate chores. Asking for help is not a failure; it’s survival.

13. End the Day with a “Closing Routine”

Just like your workday has a start, it needs an end. Create a quick “closing” routine to signal the day is done. This could be something as simple as tidying your workspace, writing a quick to-do list for tomorrow, or enjoying 5 minutes of meditation. It gives your brain permission to switch off from work mode and helps you wind down for the evening. Bonus: This also helps prevent work thoughts from creeping into family time, giving you more emotional presence at home.

Final thoughts on building realistic daily routines for working moms that avoid burnout

The “perfect” routine advice you see on social media often misses the mark for organized working moms.  When you’re juggling a job, and family, and trying to find a moment to breathe, your day won’t look like anyone else’s. The key is building a flexible, compassionate approach to routines that work for you, not for some idealized version of what a mom “should” do.

After all, the best routines are the ones that fit your real life—not a flawless Instagram post. So forget the 5 a.m. smoothie if it doesn’t work, and make room for *quiet time* whenever you find it—even if it’s five minutes after the washing machine stops. That’s how you create a routine that works for your world.

Creating daily routines for working mums isn’t about adding more things to your plate—it’s about finding small, manageable ways to reduce stress and regain a sense of control. These routines are designed to fit into your busy life, not disrupt it, helping you feel calmer and more balanced at both work and home.

Remember, perfection isn’t the goal here. It’s about progress—tiny steps that make a big difference over time. With the right routine, you can tackle your day feeling a little more like you and a little less like a headless chicken.

As always, feel free to ask me any questions you have about stress, burnout, and work in the comments.  I’ll respond personally to every single one. 

PS. If you loved this article, then you really love the other articles I’ve written for working moms just like you. Click here to read more!

Coping with guilt and shame therapy worksheet

Working moms know guilt and shame can become regular (and unwelcome) companions.  These emotions, while normal, can weigh heavily on us, often sneaking in when we least expect it. But what are guilt and shame really about?  And why do we feel them so intensely?  More importantly, how can we manage these feelings so they don’t lead us down the road to burnout and other mental health problems?

Before we get started, allow me to introduce myself. I’m Dr Claire, and I’m Headspace’s UK Workplace Mental Wellbeing expert and a qualified Acceptance and Commitment Therapist. I bring together 20 years of clinical training and practice, as well as lived experience of burnout with a background in neuroscience to help you to manage stress more effectively, whilst achieving career success!

Understanding guilt and shame

Guilt and shame are emotions that serve as signals, helping us navigate our actions and values.  Guilt often arises when we feel we’ve done something wrong—missed a child’s event, snapped at a co-worker, or let a deadline slip. It’s our brain’s way of nudging us to correct things, guiding us toward repair.  Shame, on the other hand, goes a bit deeper.   While guilt says, “I made a mistake,” shame says, “I am the mistake.”  Experiences of shame tend to make us feel unworthy and small, often disconnecting us from others rather than prompting healthy action.

7 ways guilt and shame impact working moms

For working moms, the mix of work, family responsibilities, and self-care expectations can make guilt and shame feel like ever-present shadows. Here are seven examples of how these feelings of shame (and guilt) might show up as behavior change:

1. Missing milestones: Missing a child’s event, or the first time they walk (for instance) for work and feeling like a “bad mom.”

2. Leaving work early for family: Worrying that co-workers see you as less committed.

3. Taking time for self-care: Feeling selfish for prioritizing “me-time”, even when you get very little of it.

4. Asking for help: Feeling inadequate because you can’t “do it all” alone when everyone else seems to be flying (side note: social media is all smoke and mirrors!)

5. Struggling to maintain the home: Guilt over a messy house or ordering takeout.

6. Not advancing in your career: Experiencing shame for feeling you cannot push harder professionally because you’re barely surviving

7. Needing to set boundaries: Feeling guilty for saying “no” to overtime or extra projects.

In extreme cases, excessive guilt can lead to big behavioral changes (such as substance use), as folks attempt to manage their emotions.  

How guilt and shame can lead to burnout

Guilt doesn’t just pop up in isolated moments—it can snowball and contribute to burnout. Here are three common ways guilt can directly fuel burnout:

1. Overcommitting to “make up for” time lost

   Many moms feel guilty for any time spent away from family and try to overcompensate by taking on even more responsibilities. This leads to an endless cycle of overcommitment, with little room for rest or personal time.

2. Neglecting self-care due to guilt

   Guilt often leads moms to prioritize everything and everyone else over themselves. Over time, this constant self-sacrifice can wear down emotional and physical reserves, contributing to burnout.

3. Nonexistent work boundaries

   Working moms may feel guilty for needing to work, so they compensate by always being “on,” responding to messages late at night, and agreeing to extra tasks to prove they’re committed. This lack of boundaries is a sure path to burnout.

Of note, the experience of guilt and the overwhelming sense of responsibility that develops in burnout is considered such a hallmark feature that there are arguments to include it in the official definition of burnout! 

How therapy exercises can help successfully manage these unhelpful thoughts

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps identify and challenge unhelpful thoughts. With guilt, CBT enables moms to recognize when thoughts like “I’m a bad mom” or “I should be doing more” come up, then replace them with healthier alternatives that align with reality.

On the other hand, acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) focuses on accepting difficult emotions while still pursuing what matters most. ACT teaches working moms how to sit with feelings of guilt or shame without letting them dictate behavior. By learning to “make space” for these emotions, moms can focus on actions that align with their values without being held back by guilt.

3 exercises to help working moms overcome guilt

This guilt and shame worksheet is a game changer for your emotional well-being.  Feel free to use the exercises below and write your responses down directly into your journal or note taking app.  Alternatively, feel free to download your free printable!  Simply click on the button below to get started.

Click here to Download your free guilt and shame therapy printable worksheet
3 therapy exercises to overcome guilt and shame for working moms. 1. the "Guilt check" thought record. 2. Write a values-based action plan. 3. Practice self compassion for shame. Download your free printable worksheet now!
3 therapy exercises to overcome guilt and shame for working moms

Guilt and Shame Therapy Exercise 1: The “Guilt Check” Thought Record

This exercise helps you identify and challenge unhelpful thoughts that lead to feelings of guilt, allowing you to replace them with more balanced and supportive ones. Think of a recent moment when you felt guilt. Use the prompts below to unpack your thoughts, analyze them, and reframe them more compassionately. 

1. Describe the situation: What happened? (e.g., “I had to miss bedtime to work late.”) 

2. Identify the thought: What thought(s) triggered the guilt? (e.g., “I’m a bad mom.”) 

3. Evaluate the thought: Is this thought 100% true? Could there be another explanation? 

4. Reframe and replace the thought: Replace the thought with something more balanced and kind. (e.g., “One missed bedtime doesn’t define me as a mom. I’m showing my kids what commitment looks like.”) 

A worked example: 

1. Describe the situation: Maria missed a family dinner due to a work deadline. 

2. Identify the thought: “I’m failing my family by not being there.” 

3. Evaluate the thought: Maria asks herself if she really has failed her family by not being at this dinner. 

4. Reframe and replace the thought: “I’m working to support my family, and one missed dinner doesn’t undo my love or commitment to them.” 

5. Outcome: Maria feels less guilty about missing the family dinner. She calls to apologize and then asks her family for their availability for her to host on a day when she doesn’t have any other commitments. 

How much time to spend doing this:

Aim to complete this exercise once a week, or any time you notice guilt creeping in. Spend about 10–15 minutes per session. 

With regular use, many moms find that after a few weeks, they start automatically challenging guilty thoughts more compassionately.  If using the printable, you can use the space provided to record your thoughts.

Guilt and Shame Therapy Exercise 2: Values-based action plan

This ACT exercise encourages you to focus on values-driven actions rather than guilt-driven ones, helping you prioritize what truly matters to you. Connecting actions to values creates a sense of fulfillment and clarity.  List up to three values that are important to you (e.g., “family connection,” “health,” “learning”). Then, for each value, identify a small, specific action you can take. Reflect on why you chose this value and how acting on it supports you, even if guilt is present.

Living and working by your values is also crucial in burnout prevention and burnout recovery too!

1. Describe the situation: eg. “I feel disconnected from my kids because I’m so busy at work”

2. Identify your value(s): e.g., “Family connection”. If you’re not sure what your values are, then this list of values will help you get started!

3. Identify an action linked to the value: What small action can you take to honor this value? (e.g., “Have a family game night on Saturdays.”)

4. Reflect: How will this action help you feel more aligned with your values?

A worked example:

1. Describe the situation: Sam values her health but struggles to fit exercise into her very busy family life. She feels guilty for wanting to make time to exercise and worries it will take her away from her kids.

2.Identify your value(s): Health and family

3. Identify an action linked to the value (s): Take a 10-minute walk each morning whilst her partner helps the kids to have breakfast before they leave for work.

4. Reflect: “This small action helps me feel energized and healthy, supporting me in all the roles I play.”

5. Outcome: Sam can permit herself to have a daily 10-minute walk without feeling guilty, as it allows her to fulfill both values of health and family.

How much time to spend doing this:

Review your values and actions monthly, or whenever you feel disconnected from your priorities.

The amount of time you need to spend doing this is very small- just 20 minutes once a month is enough to get started!

In 1–2 months, you’ll likely feel more centered, as acting on your values will reinforce meaningful, guilt-free choices.  If using the free printable, use the space provided to do the exercise.

click here for your free guilt and shame therapy worksheet

Guilt and Shame Therapy Exercise 3: Self-compassion exercise for shame 

This exercise encourages you to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Practicing self-compassion can reduce shame and help you bounce back from guilt in a healthier way. Think of a situation that triggered shame. Imagine a friend was feeling the same way—how would you comfort her? Write down what you’d say in your journal or notes app on your phone. Then, rewrite that message as if you’re speaking directly to yourself. 

1. Describe the shame–triggering situation: What happened? (e.g., “I forgot about a school event.”) 

2. Write a compassionate response for a friend: What would you say to comfort a friend in this situation? 

3. Now address yourself: Rewrite that compassionate response, but directed toward yourself. 

A worked example: 

1. Describe the shame-triggering situation: Aisha forgot her son’s school play date. 

2. Write a compassionate response to a friend: “You’re juggling so much—mistakes happen, and they don’t define your worth as a mom.” 

3. Now address yourself: “I’m managing a lot, and forgetting one event doesn’t make me a bad mom. I’m doing my best.” 

4. Outcome: Aisha can show herself the same compassion she would show a friend in the same situation as her, combatting her negative internal self-talk.  

How much time to spend doing this: 

Use this exercise whenever shame arises. Practicing once every 1–2 weeks can be a good starting point. This exercise can be done in just 10 minutes per session. 

After 3–4 weeks, many moms notice a softer inner voice, learning to extend the same kindness to themselves that they’d give a friend.  If you have downloaded the free printable, use the space provided to do this exercise.

Guilt and shame take time to unwind, but after 4–6 weeks of consistent practice, most moms feel an increase in self-compassion, resilience, and emotional clarity. The benefits build gradually, creating a foundation for reducing stress and burnout.

3 tips for moms worried about time to do these therapy exercises:

3 practical tips for time-poor working moms to prioritise self care: 1. start small 2. combine with other activities (aka habit stacking!) 3. view this as essential, not a chore. Download your free guilt and shame therapy worksheet now.
3 practical tips for time-poor working moms to prioritize self care

1. Start small

   If you only have 5 minutes, use that time to answer just one question in the “Guilt Check” exercise. A small step is better than none, and even a few minutes can lead to insights that make a difference.

2. Combine with other activities- aka habit stacking! 

   Try doing these exercises during quiet moments, like early morning with coffee or after the kids go to bed. Treat it as time just for you, similar to winding down or preparing for the day.

3. View this as essential, not a chore

   These exercises aren’t chores; they’re acts of self-care that help you become more resilient and present. The more you view it as nurturing yourself, the easier it will be to make them a priority.

By making small but consistent efforts, you’ll find these exercises bring clarity, lessen guilt, and free up emotional space, making daily life just a bit lighter.

Final thoughts on how working moms can overcome guilt and shame using these therapy exercises

Guilt and shame are normal, but they don’t have to control your life. As a working mom, using CBT and ACT techniques can empower you to recognize these emotions, manage them healthily, and prevent them from contributing to burnout. By following exercises like the “Guilt Check” Thought Record, Values-Based Action Plan, and Self-Compassion Exercise, you can work toward a guilt-free mindset that lets you thrive both at work and at home.  

I love to hear from my readers. If you have any questions please do let me know in the comments and I’ll respond!

Download the worksheet below and start on the path to a guilt-free, balanced life—you deserve it.

click here to download your free guilt and shame therapy exercise worksheet

DISC Personality Types (+ the best careers they match with)

As a working mom, you’re juggling a million things at once: work deadlines, family responsibilities, school pick-ups, and somewhere in between, trying to maintain your sanity.  But did you know that your personality type plays a significant role in how you navigate all this chaos?  One of the most effective ways to understand your strengths and challenges is through the DISC personality assessment.  Working out your DISC personality type helps to identify different personality traits and types, to allow you to deeply understand which careers you are a good fit for.  If you’re considering a career change, then DISC theory will help you identify which careers will be best for you.  Who doesn’t want to end up in the ideal job, and follow the right career path?!

As a mom, you won’t have much time on your hands, so finding the career that is the best fit for your particular personality type quickly and easily is essential.  Read on to find all about the different DISC styles, and then go on to take your very own disc assessment!  

Let’s take a closer look at the DISC profile now.

What is the DISC personality profile?

The DISC model is a simple, powerful tool used to understand human behavior.  It categorizes personality into four distinct types: Dominance (D), Influence (I), Steadiness (S), and Conscientiousness (C). This framework helps people not just to identify their DISC personality types, but more importantly to identify their communication style, work preferences, and key motivators. It’s a game-changer for anyone looking to boost their career.

For working moms, knowing your DISC personality type can be a career lifesaver.  Why?  Because when you know how you’re wired, you can choose a career path that works *with* your natural strengths, not against them.  This awareness helps you make smarter choices about your career, reduces the risk of burnout, and allows you to build a work-life balance that doesn’t make you want to scream into your pillow at night.

Why DISC personality types is better for career choices than other personality tests:

1. Straightforward and practical 

DISC doesn’t overwhelm you with complex labels. It breaks down personalities into four types—Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, and Conscientiousness—each tied directly to how you work and communicate. For working moms, this clarity is key, making it easier to understand what career paths align with your natural strengths.  

2. Provides career-focused insights

Unlike other tests that lean more toward self-reflection or personal relationships, DISC is tailored for the workplace.  It helps you see how your personality impacts decision-making, communication, and stress management—essential for balancing work and family life.

3. Less overwhelming, more focused

Other tests like Myers-Briggs can feel overwhelming with their many types and vague labels.  DISC cuts to the chase, focusing on actionable insights that can immediately help you make better career decisions, without the need for deep analysis.  It’s the optimal personal development tool to help develop your career ideas in an incredibly efficient way. 

4. Supports work-life balance

DISC helps you avoid career mismatches that can lead to burnout. If you’re a “C” type (Conscientious), you won’t thrive in a chaotic environment, just as a “D” (Dominance) won’t enjoy a slow-paced, repetitive role.  Understanding this helps you build a more balanced career and family life.

5. Action-oriented 

Learning your DISC personality type isn’t just about self-awareness; it’s about action.  You can immediately use the insights to negotiate better work conditions, shift responsibilities, or even pivot into a new role that better aligns with your personality.  For working moms, this action-focused approach is a game-changer.

How DISC personality types compares to other personality tests:

– Myers-Briggs: Great for self-reflection but too abstract for specific career advice. DISC offers more immediate, practical insights into work behaviors.

– Enneagram: Useful for understanding motivations but too philosophical for career planning. DISC is simpler and focused on workplace realities.

– StrengthsFinder: Highlights talents but doesn’t address how you handle stress or work as part of a team. DISC connects your personality to real-world job challenges.

Why DISC personality types works for working moms:

DISC’s biggest advantage is its practicality.  It’s easy to understand, directly tied to work behaviors and helps working moms make career choices that align with their strengths and personal needs.  Whether you’re managing a full-time job, negotiating flexible hours, or looking to avoid burnout, DISC offers actionable, relatable guidance to help you thrive in both work and family life.

The 4 DISC personality types explained:

Let’s break down the four DISC personality types and explore how each one relates to career choices.  You’ll also learn five career options for each type—perfect for anyone (but particularly for working moms!).

1. Dominance (D)

If you’re a “D,” you’re the type who likes to take charge.  D- types are assertive, goal-oriented, and love a good challenge.  Efficiency is your middle name, and you’re always looking for the most direct route to achieve your goals.  You’re decisive and thrive under pressure.  

Working moms: Which DISC personality type are you? D- Dominance D- types are assertive, goal-oriented, and love a good challenge. Efficiency is your middle name, and you’re always looking for the most direct route to achieve your goals. You’re decisive and thrive under pressure.
D types

Best Careers for Dominance Types:

– Entrepreneur: You get to be in charge, set your own goals, and create something from scratch.

– CEO or Executive Role: Leading a company or team fits your drive for results and big-picture thinking.

– Project Manager: Organizing people and projects allows you to take control and achieve measurable success.

– Sales Director: High-pressure environments where results matter are your jam.

– Attorney: Strategic thinking and assertiveness make you perfect for advocating and negotiating.

These roles allow you to flex your leadership muscles and make decisions. The D personality has simply the perfect leadership style and you naturally slot into leadership roles!  You love control and responsibility, and these careers give you just that.

2. Influence (I)

If you’re an “I,” you’re the social butterfly of the DISC world.  You thrive in environments where you can persuade, inspire, and connect with others.  You’re charismatic, outgoing, and love building relationships.  You’re fabulous at helping with team building and helping other team members too. 

Working moms: which DISC personality type are you?I- Influence You thrive in environments where you can persuade, inspire, and connect with others. You're charismatic, outgoing, and love building relationships. You're fabulous at helping with team building and helping other team members too.
I types

Best Careers for Influence Types:

– Marketing Specialist:  A creative environment where you can connect with audiences and inspire action suits your persuasive nature.

– Public Relations Manager:  Building relationships with the media and shaping public perceptions plays to your strengths.

– Event Planner:  You love organizing social gatherings and thrive in collaborative, people-oriented environments.

– Salesperson:  Your natural charisma makes you excellent at selling products and ideas.

– Recruitment Consultant: Helping others find their dream job while engaging in meaningful conversations is fulfilling for you.

These roles allow you to use your people skills, creativity, and ability to persuade others.  You’re at your best when you’re connecting with others, and these jobs give you that opportunity.

3. Steadiness (S)

If you’re an “S,” you’re the supportive, loyal, and dependable one.  You prefer harmony over conflict and work well in stable, predictable environments.  Your democratic nature means you are a great listener and thrive in roles where you can support others without too much chaos or change.  

Working moms: which DISC career type are you? S- Steadiness If you're an "S," you're the supportive, loyal, and dependable one. You prefer harmony over conflict and work well in stable, predictable environments. Your democratic nature means you are a great listener and thrive in roles where you can support others without too much chaos or change.
S types

Best Careers for Steadiness Types:

– Human Resources:  You excel at creating a supportive work environment where people feel heard and valued.

– Counselor, therapist or coach:  Your empathy and listening skills make you perfect for helping others work through their problems.

– Teacher: You provide stability, guidance, and care in the classroom, making a lasting impact on young minds.

– Customer Service Representative:  You love helping others and providing solutions calmly and patiently.

– Nurse:  A nurturing role where you provide consistent care fits your steady, compassionate nature.

These jobs allow you to focus on creating a supportive, harmonious work environment where you can help others. You thrive in roles where stability and consistency are key.  

4. Conscientiousness (C)

If you’re a “C,” you’re analytical, detail-oriented, and value precision.  You love working on complex problems and seek out opportunities to apply logic and reason. You prefer working independently and enjoy deep thinking.  C-types also enjoy slower-paced work and small detail.  

Working moms: which career type are you? C- Conscientiousness If you’re a "C," you’re analytical, detail-oriented, and value precision. You love working on complex problems and seek out opportunities to apply logic and reason. You prefer working independently and enjoy deep thinking. C-types also enjoy slower-paced work and small detail.
C types

Best Careers for Conscientiousness Types:

– Data Analyst:  Diving into data and uncovering trends allows you to use your analytical skills.

– Engineer:  Solving technical problems and working on detailed designs is your bread and butter.

– Accountant:  You thrive in roles where accuracy, structure, and attention to detail are critical.

– Research Scientist:  You love working on complex problems, and research allows you to dig deep into the details.

– Software Developer:  Logical thinking, coding, and problem-solving appeal to your analytical mind.

These roles require a high level of detail, precision, and logic.  You’re at your best when you can focus on accuracy and independent work.  You thrive when you can work to high standards. 

What happens when you choose the wrong career for your personality?

Here’s the cold, hard truth: choosing a career that doesn’t align with your DISC personality type can lead to *serious* burnout.  Think about your dominant style, and then reflect on how being in a high-stress environment with a mismatch could be incredibly stressful.  

Imagine being a “C” type, who loves structure and accuracy, stuck in a fast-paced sales role where you have to think on your feet and deal with unpredictable people.  The mismatch between your personality and the demands of your job will leave you feeling stressed, frustrated, and exhausted.  Or, if you’re an “I” type, working in a job that requires sitting in front of a screen with no social interaction could make you feel isolated and demotivated.  Over time, these mismatches can lead to burnout because you’re constantly working against your natural strengths, which drains your energy.  

What to do if your career doesn’t match your personality

If you’ve realized that your personality type might not align with your current career, don’t panic!  There are ways to pivot and make things better:

1. Reassess your role

Can you shift responsibilities at work to better align with your strengths? Maybe you can take on more leadership tasks if you’re a “D” or more collaborative projects if you’re an “I.”

2. Consider a career change

If the mismatch is severe, it might be time to consider a career change.  Start by exploring roles that better suit your DISC type.

3. Set boundaries

If you’re stuck in a role that doesn’t suit your personality, setting clear boundaries can help you manage stress.  Know your limits, and communicate them to your boss or team.

4. Seek professional development

Invest in training or certifications that will help you pivot into a career that better aligns with your DISC type.  This will also make the transition smoother.

5. Talk to a careers coach

Sometimes, an outside perspective can help. A career coach can provide tailored advice on how to transition into a more suitable role without burning out.  Some workplaces will even provide this service for you as part of their employee wellbeing strategy! 

Final thoughts 

Understanding your DISC personality type is a game-changer, especially for working moms who are already stretched thin.  By aligning your career with your personality, you can reduce stress, improve job satisfaction, and create a better work-life balance.  And if you’ve realized you’re in the wrong career?  Don’t worry—it’s never too late to make a change.  You’ve got this, and I’m here to help every step of the way!

When it comes to career choices, especially for working moms, the DISC personality test stands out compared to other personality assessments.  It’s simple, practical, and directly focused on workplace behavior—exactly what busy moms need to make informed decisions about possible careers without wasting time on abstract theories.

Further reading:

There isn’t too much out there on DISC personality types, but I do recommend a read of this blog article for more information!

If you are a working mom and you’ve found this article helpful, then you’ll love this post on Career Advice that Working Moms Should Never Take.

Please let me know in the comments which personality type you are- and whether your current career is a good fit (and if not- what you want to do about it!).

6 powerful ways to help working moms overcome burnout

Hey there, mama! Today’s post focuses on the factors that cause burnout at work. You’ll learn exactly how and why you’re disproportionately at risk as a mom, and then you’ll learn 6 powerful ways to help working moms overcome burnout.

Burnout isn’t just about feeling tired, it’s complete physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion. And let’s be honest: as a working mom, burnout hits differently.

The size and scale of the problem for working moms to overcome burnout

It’s no secret that working moms are at a higher risk of burnout, and the stats back it up. First, 86% of working moms report feeling exhausted by balancing work and family responsibilities (according to a study by Motherly in 2021). If that wasn’t enough, research from the Institute for Women’s Policy Research found that working mothers are 28% more likely to experience burnout compared to fathers. And get this—according to a report by McKinsey & LeanIn.org, one in three working moms is considering downshifting her career or leaving the workforce altogether due to burnout (click here to read more). When you’re carrying the mental load of both work and home, it’s no wonder the burnout rate is through the roof!

In two previous posts, you learned about the six work factors that can cause burnout. If you haven’t already familiarised yourself with these six work factors, please click here to read part one, and here to read part two. Now, for those of you balancing work and family life, these factors often go into overdrive. Working moms are more at risk of burnout than working dads and women without children. So, let’s start by understanding how these six factors hit working moms harder than most. Then you’ll get some practical, mom-tested advice on how to tackle each one head-on! Read on to find out how working moms can overcome burnout!

The Six Work Factors That Cause stress at work (And Why They’re Harder for Working moms)

the 6 factors that cause burnout in working moms: lack of control at home and work, lack of reward, values mismatch, lack of community, not being treated fairly, heavy workload
The 6 factors that cause burnout in working moms
  1. Control
    Ah, control—remember that?! When was the last time you felt in control of anything? For working mums, control over your workday is often laughable. Between a 9 a.m. meeting, a sick kid at home, and the last-minute school project, “control” becomes a myth. In burnout, lack of control at work is a risk factor for burnout. But, for moms you’re much more likely to find it hard to find control at work- and at home.
  2. Reward
    Being adequately rewarded for the work you do is protective against burnout. It doesn’t necessarily have to be financial reward here- opportunities for positive feedback, professional development, and doing rewarding work also help protect against burnout. The trouble is that moms work hard both at home and at the office. Whilst the labour at home is rewarding, it’s also unpaid. Your hard work is often unappreciated by your loved ones (or at least, they might not vocalise their gratitude!). When’s the last time someone handed you a trophy for surviving the day? Or a pay raise for juggling ten things at once? For working moms, the feeling of being under-rewarded is magnified because you’re constantly giving without much in return.
  3. Values mismatch
    Having a kid, like any major life event, changes what’s important to you. You want to be a present parent, but your boss wants you to be available 24/7. That clash in values—between being a good parent and a good employee—leaves working moms feeling like they’re always failing somewhere. This values mismatch puts working moms at disproportionate burnout risk.
  4. Community
    A supportive community means everything when it comes to effective burnout prevention. But- whether it’s your workplace community or your ‘village’ at home, feeling isolated is really common among working moms. You might be surrounded by people, but who really understands your daily challenges? If you don’t have a village, then you’ll be at risk of burnout.
  5. Fairness
    If you’re not treated fairly at work by your employer, then the stress it causes can factor into the development of burnout. But the workplace isn’t just the only place where moms feel unfairly treated. Ever notice how you’re doing the same work as everyone else but with added mental load? “Fair” can feel like a foreign concept when you’re balancing unpaid household labor on top of your job. (click here to read more about how women take on more of the domestic load, and how it can cause burnout).
  6. Workload
    Oh boy, where do we even start? Your workload is like an all-you-can-eat buffet that just never ends, with side orders of school pick-ups, laundry, and dinner-making. Not only does a heavy workload in your job risk burnout, for working moms, the workload both at home and at work can feel an impossible juggle.

Tackling These Factors: Practical, Real-World Solutions for Working moms to overcome burnout

1. Control: how to regain it (yes, really!)

As a working mom, you can’t control everything, but you can focus on the little things. Control doesn’t have to mean re-organizing your entire life—it can be as simple as setting small boundaries. Here’s the cool thing about control in burnout prevention: simply believing you have control over your work and life is enough to prevent burnout (this is because those that believe this then go on to make changes that reduce burnout!).

Three things you can do:

  • Time blocking: Allocate specific time slots for work, family, and you. And yes, that you time is mandatory.
  • Delegate at work and home: Get comfortable with asking for help, whether it’s a team member at work or your partner at home. This is tough but essential to get a handle on your stress levels.
  • Say no more often: Boundaries are your best friend. Practice saying no to those extra requests that push you to the limit. It’s a form of self-care!

2. Reward: finding it where you can

If you’re not getting rewards from your boss (hello, pay gap), it’s time to create your own sense of accomplishment.

Three things you can do:

  • Celebrate your wins: Small victories deserve recognition. Did you manage to cook dinner AND make that deadline? Treat yourself to your favorite snack or a 30-minute Netflix binge.
  • Find meaning in your work:  If possible, focus on the tasks that make you feel good. Even if it’s just 20% of your day, doing something that energizes you makes a big difference.
  • Create mini-rewards:  Set small goals and reward yourself. Finished the laundry pile? Take a bubble bath. Got through your inbox? Have a dance party with your kids.

3. Values mismatch: making it work

When your personal values don’t align with your workplace, it can feel like an uphill battle. But instead of switching jobs, try creating alignment where you can. If you’re not sure what your values are, start with this list here.

Three things you can do:

  • Find overlap: Identify the common ground between your values and your job. If you value flexibility, negotiate for it—maybe not today, but it’s worth a try!
  • Be vocal: Don’t be afraid to communicate your needs and values to your employer. Sometimes, it takes a conversation to shift expectations.
  • Own your personal mission: Whether at work or home, make your values clear to yourself and others. Even if it’s just saying, “I prioritize family dinners,” own it unapologetically. Remember, you don’t need to explain your priorities to anyone else.

4. Community: building your village

You need your people—both at work and at home. Building a community that understands the struggle can take some work, but please do prioritise this. It will make such a difference to how you feel about your work and life.

Three things you can do:

  • Join a values- aligned mom group: Whether online or in-person, find a group of moms who get it. Sharing struggles and wins can make a world of difference. Just make sure that the group you’re going to join shares your values. If you’re ruthlessly practical then you won’t find the support you need in a crunchy mama group!
  • Leverage work relationships:  If possible, form a support system at work with colleagues who also juggle similar responsibilities.
  • Outsource help: It’s okay to get help where you can, whether it’s a cleaner, babysitter, or meal delivery service. You can’t do it all, and that’s okay.

5. Fairness: level the playing field

Let’s face it, working moms often take on more than their fair share. Tackling fairness starts with acknowledging the imbalance and taking steps to fix it. Just FYI, the advice below is optional. Tackling an unfair work culture is tough when you’re already stressed and feeling vulnerable. You don’t have to take on more if you don’t want to.

Three things you can do:

  • Speak up: Advocate for fairness at work and at home. If you’re doing more than your share, it’s time to have that tough conversation—whether with your boss or your family.
  • Track your time:  Keep a log of how much time you spend on work vs. household tasks. This can help you (and others) see where the imbalance lies.
  • Outsource when possible: Yes, we’re back to outsourcing. Whether it’s hiring someone to help with household chores or delegating more at work, reducing your load can help create fairness.

6. Workload: simplifying the chaos

When you’re juggling ten balls at once, it’s no wonder burnout hits hard. Reducing your workload might sound impossible, but there are ways to make it more manageable.

Three things you can do:

  • Prioritize ruthlessly:  What’s urgent, and what can wait? Learn to be okay with letting the non-essential tasks slide. Read this post on how you can use my reworked Mom version of the Eisenhower Matrix!
  • Batch tasks:  Group similar tasks together to make them more efficient. This works for both work and home—think meal prepping or knocking out emails in one go.
  • Take breaks:  I know, breaks feel like a luxury, but they’re crucial. Set a timer for 5-minute breathers during your workday and resist the urge to fill that time with something “productive.” Make a lovely coffee and savor it. Or, perhaps you could take a moment to get some fresh air? It all adds up.

Final Thoughts for working moms to overcome burnout

Working moms face burnout on a whole different level! But, with some self-awareness and practical steps, you can start taking control (yes, even if it’s just a little) and feel more in charge of your life again. Remember, you’re already doing an amazing job. So here’s to keeping it real, staying strong, and giving yourself a little more grace every day! You’ve absolutely got this.

If you liked this, you’ll love my email newsletter, The Phoenix. Sign up now!

10 challenges working moms face returning to work after burnout (and how to overcome them)

If you’re a working mom who’s taken time off, the prospect of returning to work after burnout can feel daunting, if not downright terrifying. One of the key features of the burnout recovery process is that it takes so much longer than hoped to recover completely. The average burnout recovery takes 1-3 years. But, if you have taken sick leave then the average time off in burnout is 3.5 months. Therefore, it is critically important to appreciate that if you have taken sick leave, you will be returning to work long before you are fully recovered.

What this means in practice is that you must make changes at work to prevent your burnout from getting worse again. You’re going to be going back to work at a potentially vulnerable period of your recovery.

How to overcome the challenges of going back to work after burnout (without burning out again)
How to overcome the challenges of going back to work after burnout (without burning out again)

The idea of re-entering the workforce might very well make you want to crawl back under the duvet (and who could blame you!). But don’t panic! Returning to work after burnout is possible. Returning to work and staying well is also possible. Yes, it’s challenging, but with the right plan and support system, you can re-enter the workplace in a way that is sustainable, healthy, and balanced. In this post, you’ll explore some of the core challenges that moms face when returning to work after burnout. Most importantly, you’ll also read some actionable advice to help you transition back into your career without losing the hard-earned peace you’ve found.

The Core Challenges of Returning to Work After Burnout for working moms- and how to overcome them

Burnout isn’t just about being tired—it’s about feeling completely depleted, mentally, emotionally, and physically. If you’re a working mom who’s taken time off to recover, returning to the office (or your work-from-home desk) can feel like trying to climb Everest in flip-flops. But, fear not, you can navigate this transition successfully!

Let’s dive into the 10 biggest challenges you’ll face when going back to work after burnout and, most importantly, how to tackle them with compassion, practicality… and maybe a touch of humor.

The 10 core challenges of returning to work after burnout: Fear of relapse Feeling guilty for taking time off Worry about what colleagues will think Reduced energy levels Fear of overwhelm Unrealistic expectations Changed workplace dynamics Maintaining work-life balance Worry about competence Feeling isolated/unsupported
The core challenges of returning to work after burnout

Challenge #1: Fear of Relapsing into Burnout

The number one fear when returning to work after burnout? Ending up right back where you started—overwhelmed, exhausted, and heading toward burnout 2.0.

The solution: set firm boundaries on returning to work after burnout

Don’t fall into the same habits that led to burnout. Be clear about your limits from the outset.

Actionable tip: Practice saying “no.” You don’t have to be available for every meeting or project. Block off time in your schedule for “deep work” or self-care breaks—and treat these as non-negotiable.

Bonus tip: If you want to return to work and avoid relapse then you must tackle the root cause of the burnout in the first place. There are 6 work factors that cause burnout- read more about them in part one here, and part two here. Take some time to identify which ones have affected you, and take steps to reduce their impact using the exercises and advice provided.

Challenge #2: Feeling Guilt for Taking Time Off

Working moms are notorious for feeling guilty, and when you add time off for burnout, it really does feel like you’ve failed, or -worse- let others down.

The solution: embrace the power of self compassion

Guilt isn’t your friend here. You took time off to heal, and that was the best thing you could do for everyone—including your family and colleagues.

Actionable tip: When the guilt creeps in, remind yourself that burnout is the result of prolonged stress at work. In fact, it is considered to be the body’s normal response to long term stress. It isn’t even officially recognised as a medical or mental health problem! It is therefore not a weakness. Repeat the mantra: “I am not a robot. I deserve rest, recovery, and wellbeing.”

Challenge #3: Worry About What Colleagues Will Think

You’re concerned that coworkers might see you differently or doubt your abilities now that you’ve taken time off for burnout. You might even feel that you owe them an explanation about why you’ve been off.

The solution: decide how much you’re willing to share before you return to work, and own your decision

You don’t have to share anything with your colleagues if you don’t feel comfortable to. But, you’ll need to be prepared in case of any questions. If you decide not to talk about the reasons for your sick leave, this is absolutely fine. Ensure that you have a one-line statement prepared to use when you’re asked.

If you decide that you are happy to share why you’ve been off, then be proud of the fact that you took proactive steps to prioritize your mental health. Remember, there’s no need to over explain yourself.

Actionable tip: Prepare a simple statement to address it: “I took some time to recharge, and now I’m ready to give my best to the work that matters most.”

Challenge #4: Reduced Energy Levels

Burnout recovery doesn’t end when you clock back in. Your energy reserves might still be low, and you can’t just jump back in at full throttle. Remember that you’re still only months into a recovery that will take years to be complete.

The solution: manage your expectations about your productivity and performance on returning to work after burnout

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was your career. Ease back into your work routine and be realistic about what you can handle. This can be very challenging for the personality types that tend to burn out!

Actionable tip: Organize your tasks using the “energy ladder”—tackle the high-energy tasks when you’re feeling freshest and save lower-energy work for the afternoon when you’re naturally more drained.

Challenge #5: The Fear of Overwhelm

The thought of juggling work, kids, and home life all over again might feel overwhelming. Your to-do list may look more like a novel than a checklist.

The Solution: learn to delegate

You don’t have to do everything yourself. Delegate tasks both at work and at home.

Actionable tip: Make a list of all the tasks you can delegate—whether that’s having a coworker take on some projects or getting help at home. Then actually delegate them! This isn’t failure; it’s smart time management.

Challenge #6: Unrealistic Expectations

You might have grand ideas about returning to work and immediately being the powerhouse you were before. But burnout changes things, and that’s okay.

The solution: learn to pace yourself

Recognize that you are not the same person who left, and that’s actually a good thing. You’re coming back with new perspectives and priorities. Don’t take on too much too soon- build up gradually. Think of it like you’re returning to the gym after time out for a physical injury. If you broke your ankle 6 weeks ago, you’re not going to run a marathon the first time you step foot on a treadmill! You’re going to be cautious and build up your strength and stamina over time. You must take the same approach with return to work after burnout.

Actionable tip: Break your goals into bite-sized, manageable pieces. Celebrate small wins—whether it’s finishing a report or just getting through a meeting without feeling frazzled.

Challenge #7: Workplace Dynamics Have Changed

Maybe there’s been a restructure, or your team dynamics have shifted while you were away. Walking into a changed work environment can feel disorienting.

The solution: communicate and reconnect

If you can, catching up with your boss before you return to talk about any changes that have happened in your absence is a great place to start. On return, take time to get caught up on any changes and reconnect with colleagues. It’s okay to admit you’re feeling a little out of the loop.

Actionable tip: Schedule one-on-one coffee chats or video calls with key team members. Ask them to bring you up to speed on what’s changed, and let them know you’re excited to collaborate again.

Challenge #8: Struggling to Maintain Work-Life Balance on return to work after burnout

It is essential that you avoid bringing work home with you after burnout- you don’t want to end up in a cycle of overwork and increasing stress like before, and run the risk of another episode of burnout.

The solution: create non-negotiable work-life boundaries

Work can wait. Your mental health and family cannot. Stick to your working hours and carve out personal time that’s sacred.

Actionable tip: Set “no work” zones. This might be no checking emails after 6 p.m. or not working on weekends unless absolutely necessary. Communicate these boundaries to your team (and yourself!) early and often.

Challenge #9: Worry About Competence

It’s normal to worry if you’ve “still got it” after time away. You might fear that your skills are rusty or that you won’t be able to keep up with the fast pace.

The solution: focus on what you can control

You’re still the capable, talented person you were before burnout. Trust your abilities, and remember that learning curves are normal.

Actionable tip: Before you return, brush up on key skills or take a refresher course in your field to boost your confidence. This proactive step will make you feel more in control and prepared. Alternatively, do the circle of control exercise as outlined in this article.

Challenge #10: Feeling Isolated or Unsupported

Coming back to work after such a personal struggle can feel isolating, especially if you’re not sure how to talk about it.

The solution: build your support network

You don’t have to go through this alone. Whether it’s a mentor at work, a fellow working mom, or a coach, surround yourself with people who “get it.” The research on burnout is very clear: supportive relationships are one of the key predictors of a successful burnout recovery. Therefore, building your support network is essential.

Actionable tip: Join a working mom or wellness group at work, or create one if it doesn’t exist! Being around others who share your challenges makes a world of difference. Keep open lines of communication with your manager and advocate for yourself when needed.

Final Thoughts about returning to work after burnout

Returning to work after burnout isn’t just about going back to your job. Rather, it’s about re-entering the workforce on your terms, with healthier boundaries, better priorities, and renewed strength. You’ve already done a huge amount of hard work in both recognizing, and starting the healing process from burnout. You must return with improved coping strategies for your stress, new boundaries, and a clearer understanding of your needs. With a thoughtful approach and a focus on your well-being, you can return to work, reclaim your energy, and build a sustainable career that works for you.

Take it one step at a time, and remember: progress is progress, no matter how slow it seems (or, indeed if it feels that you are taking steps back). Thanks to your burnout, you now know better than ever how to take care of yourself going forward.

If you’d like to hear more about my own thoughts about returning to work after burnout, then please do listen to this podcast where I talk to Dr Katya Miles about exactly this!

In this episode, we cover:


Why you need time off work with burnout
What things you need to do to prepare to return to work after burnout
Who you need to help you to return to work well
What changes and/or reasonable adjustments might be helpful for your return, both in the short term and in the long term
What a realistic return to work looks and feels like.


Whilst both Katya and I are both doctors, today’s episode is for anyone who is returning to work after burnout and a period of sick leave.

Productivity for working moms: ditch useless advice and reclaim your time with this simple matrix

Traditional productivity and career advice just doesn’t work for working moms. Productivity for working moms is an entirely different beast!

When you become a working mom, it feels like all those classic productivity tips were designed for someone with endless hours and no small humans demanding snacks every five minutes. Suddenly, the idea of carefully prioritizing tasks or finding that perfect work-life balance seems like a cruel joke. So, let’s take one of those productivity tools—the Eisenhower Matrix—give it a working mom makeover, and finally make it work for the chaos we call everyday life.

For the uninitiated, the Eisenhower Matrix is a simple decision-making tool that helps you prioritize tasks by urgency and importance. It’s a great tool in itself to use at work. But you’re not just juggling emails and meetings here—you’ve got sick kids, work deadlines, and laundry mountains. So, let’s rework this classic productivity tool to fit the life of a busy mom.

There is more information about this tool in this post about career advice that working moms should never take.

How It Works:

The Eisenhower Matrix breaks your to-do list into four quadrants:

  1. Do Now – Urgent and Important
  2. Schedule for Later – Important but Not Urgent
  3. Delegate – Urgent but Not Important
  4. Drop It – Neither Urgent Nor Important

Here’s a little infographic which shows the four quadrants visually:

How to use the Eisenhower Matrix to conquer your to-do list.
How to use the Eisenhower Matrix to conquer your to-do list.

Let’s translate these quadrants into a tool for productivity for working moms:

The Mom Eisenhower Matrix
The Mom Eisenhower Matrix

Quadrant 1: Do Now (The Mom Emergency Quadrant)

These are the tasks that need to be done ASAP and cannot wait. These typically have consequences if they don’t happen soon. Think of this quadrant as “things that will explode if left unattended.”

Examples:

  • Replying to an email from your boss about a major deadline.
  • Picking up a sick child from school (because, well, you can’t leave them there, right?).
  • Paying that overdue bill before you get hit with late fees.
  • Grabbing a snack for your toddler right now to avoid a full-scale meltdown.

What to do:

Tackle these tasks first. In the chaos of motherhood, these tend to pop up every day. But the goal is to limit how many “emergencies” you let into this quadrant by being proactive (more on that below).

Quadrant 2: Schedule for Later (The Grown-Up Stuff That Keeps You Sane)

These tasks are important for your long-term well-being but don’t need to be done immediately. This is where your big-picture life and career goals live—things that can easily get forgotten in the daily grind but will help you stay on track in the long run.

Examples:

  • Planning your child’s birthday party (before it turns into an urgent crisis).
  • Booking your dentist appointment (yes, it’s been two years).
  • Working on that career development project that could lead to a promotion.
  • Scheduling self-care time or booking a night out with friends (because your sanity is important too!).

What to do:

Put these tasks on your calendar and honor the time you set for them. This is where a working mom’s proactive mindset comes into play. These tasks keep your life and career moving forward, but they’re easy to neglect. If it’s scheduled, it’s sacred.

Quadrant 3: Delegate (AKA: Can Someone Else Do This, Please?)

Urgent but not really all that important? These are the tasks you should delegate, outsource, or pass on if possible. The problem is, as moms, we often try to do everything ourselves. But not everything requires your magic touch, and it’s time to pass some of that load.

Examples:

  • Ordering groceries online instead of physically going to the store.
  • Delegating household chores to your partner or older kids (they can load a dishwasher).
  • Handing over a non-essential work task to a colleague or team member.

What to do:

Get creative and start delegating. You don’t need to wear all the hats all the time. By lightening this load, you’ll free up time to focus on what truly matters (and save your sanity).

Quadrant 4: Drop It (The MOM Guilt Dumping Ground)

These tasks are neither urgent nor important, and yet, somehow, they keep showing up on your to-do list. This is where you ditch the mom guilt and give yourself permission to let go of the things that simply don’t matter.

Examples:

  • Perfectly folding laundry (who cares if the towels are a little wrinkled?). Even better, ditch the ironing altogether!
  • Baking homemade treats for the school bake sale when store-bought will do.
  • Checking every social media notification as if it’s the end of the world.
  • Saying “yes” to every playdate invitation just to be polite.

What to do:

Say goodbye to these non-essentials. For the love of all that is holy, let them go! You don’t need to be perfect at everything, and this quadrant is your permission slip to simplify, delegate, or just say “no thanks.” You’ve got enough on your plate.

The Takeaway

This mom-friendly version of the Eisenhower Matrix can help you navigate the chaos of working life and family responsibilities with a bit more clarity and a lot less overwhelm. The key is to be realistic with your time and energy, and to prioritize the things that truly matter—not the things society (or your inner critic) tells you to care about.

And always remember: you’re not failing if your to-do list isn’t completely ticked off. You’re a mom, and you’re already doing the hardest job in the world.

So next time your list feels overwhelming, take a deep breath, grab a cup of tea (or wine), and break it down into these quadrants. You’ve absolutely got this!

If you enjoyed this post, please sign up to my email newsletter The Phoenix. Designed for working moms, it will help to doctor you to career success (without the bro BS).

Career advice that working moms should never take

Here is all the career advice that working moms should never take.

The majority of the bad career advice given generally comes from a good place and is well intentioned. But, so many people don’t understand just how challenging it is to be a working mom.

The unfortunate truth is that working moms can’t have it all. And, if you try to have it all eventually something has to give. Sadly, this normally ends up being your mental health. Working moms are more at risk of burnout than men (regardless of their parental status), and women that aren’t parents. If you are worried that you might be burning out then please do this quiz and follow the next step advice to start to feel better immediately.

When you become a working mom, it feels like the entire career advice rulebook gets thrown out the window. Suddenly, the things that were simple before—networking, career growth, balancing work and life—seem like they were written for someone who has endless time and zero dependents. So, let’s dive into ten pieces of classic career advice, why they don’t work for moms, and what to do instead.

Warning: I’m sprinkling this with some real talk!

Career advice that working moms should never take: the top 10 pieces of classic career advice (and what to do instead)

1. “Just work harder.” (aka hustle culture)

Why it doesn’t work:  Ah, yes, hustle culture. As if you’re not already juggling work deadlines, school pick-ups, and remembering which kid needs to bring in a cake for the school sale tomorrow. For moms, “hustling” harder simply just means “more stress”. There’s only so much you can run on coffee and nerves alone.

What to do instead: Don’t do more, do less—strategically. Focus on a few key work tasks that have the highest impact, and then be ruthless about your boundaries. Outsource or delegate where possible (yes, even housework counts).

To help you identify which tasks to leave, and which to delegate, then the Eisenhower Matrix is a super helpful too to help you! You can read more about how you can use the Eisenhower Matrix to tackle your to-do list here.

How to use the Eisenhower Matrix to conquer your to-do list.
How to use the Eisenhower Matrix to conquer your to-do list.

(side note: I really think that the Eisenhower Matrix is well overdue a working mom makeover. Watch this space!)

2. “You need to be available 24/7 to succeed.”

Why it doesn’t work: You’re already available 24/7—to your kids. The thought of also being available to your job, colleagues, and clients at all hours is enough to make you cry into your third cup of cold tea.

What to do instead:  Lean into your boundaries. Set clear working hours, communicate them, and stick to them like they’re written in stone. Set these expectations early too —both for your employer and your family. You’ll earn respect by being firm about your time, and, surprisingly, things will still get done even if you’re not always on call.

3. “Network, network, network!”

Why it doesn’t work: Yes, let’s just pop off to a networking event after a full day of work- when in reality you need to sprint to nursery to pick up your toddler up last (again). Sure, that’s easy!

What to do instead: Use your time wisely. Instead of traditional networking events, leverage online platforms like LinkedIn. Send a meaningful message to a connection while melting at their swimming lessons, or join a relevant Facebook group where you can participate on your own time. Networking doesn’t have to mean cocktail hours—it can happen from your sofa while your kids watch cartoons (also- screen time is fine. Do whatever it takes!).

4. “Just say yes to every opportunity!”

Why it doesn’t work: Saying “yes” to everything when you’re a mom is like willingly walking into quicksand. There’s only so much “yes” to go around before you feel overwhelmed, overcommitted, and burned out.

What to do instead: Channel your inner toddler and learn the power of “no.” Politely decline opportunities that don’t align with your goals or values. And when you do say yes, make sure it’s to something that genuinely excites you or furthers your career in a way that’s worth your limited energy. It’s about being strategic about what you say yes to!

Halfway through! Keep reading to learn classic career advice for working moms that you should never take

5. “You just need to be more productive.”

Why it doesn’t work: The old “be more productive” mantra, as if you’re a factory churning out mountains of plastic tat. The truth is, when you’re balancing the emotional, mental, and physical load of both work and family, there are days when just surviving feels like an accomplishment.

What to do instead: Redefine productivity. It’s not about doing more in less time—it’s about doing the right things in the time you have. Focus on three key tasks a day. If you nail those, you’re winning, even if the laundry remains a monument to your procrastination (as mine does!!)

6. “You need to climb the corporate ladder.”

Why it doesn’t work: Climbing a ladder requires two hands and two feet. Let’s be real, for you one hand is usually holding a baby, and the other is answering work emails whilst simultaneously trying to drink a cold coffee and shovel a late lunch into your mouth.

What to do instead: Forget the ladder. Focus on building a career lattice instead—a flexible, non-linear path that allows you to shift horizontally, take breaks, or even step back when needed. Career progression doesn’t have to be a straight line, especially when you’re navigating the beautifully messy world of motherhood.

7. “Stay late at the office to show you’re committed.”

Why it doesn’t work: Staying late is a no-go when you have a daycare pick-up deadline that’s more rigid than the Queen’s Guard. Commitment has been treated the same as visibility for far too long.

What to do instead: Work smart, not long. Use your time at work wisely and avoid the office “stay late” trap. Deliver results within your working hours, and if possible, explore flexible working arrangements. Commitment isn’t measured by hours, it’s measured by impact. At least, it should be. If your employer isn’t being sensitive to your new normal, it might be time to look for a job elsewhere.

8. “You should always aim for a promotion.”

Why it doesn’t work: Promotions often come with more responsibility, longer hours, and more stress. For many mums, the goal isn’t always about climbing higher—it’s about finding balance and keeping everything (mostly) intact.

What to do instead: Redefine what “success” means to you. After having kids what success means to you will almost inevitably change. You might still want to climb the ladder- in which case, go for it! For others, it’s about creating a sustainable work-life rhythm that allows for career fulfilment and family time. Aim for roles that align with your values and offer the flexibility you need.

9. “Make your personal life secondary to your career.”

Why it doesn’t work: For working moms, the personal and professional are forever intertwined. No one lives in a vacuum, and there are days when your kid’s school play is more important than a client presentation. And that’s OK.

What to do instead: Embrace integration over separation. Let go of the idea that your personal and professional lives are in competition. Some days your career will take the spotlight, other days it’ll be your family, and that’s perfectly fine. Balance is a moving target. Also- it’s ok to not be be achieving 100% in every single aspect of your life.

10. “Never take a break or gap in your career.”

Why it doesn’t work: Life doesn’t always unfold the way you hoped, or planned. Whether it’s for maternity leave, caregiving, or mental health, there are times when a break is necessary, not a career killer.

What to do instead: Take the break if you need it. Be kind to yourself. So many women have returned from career breaks stronger, more focused, and with a clearer sense of purpose. You can always pick up where you left off, and there’s no shame in pausing to recalibrate.

Traditional career advice just wasn’t built with the complexities of working motherhood in mind. And, while some of it might seem helpful in theory, it often falls flat in the face of real-life responsibilities. But, don’t despair—you’re doing an incredible job. By reworking the rules to fit your life, you’ll find your own path to success, fulfilment, and maybe even a little bit of peace.

If you enjoyed this post on classic career advice for working moms, then you’ll love my email newsletter, the Phoenix. And let me know in the comments which piece of advice was your favourite!

Sign up to The Phoenix – the Burnout Doctor’s email newsletter

Copyright © 2025 The Burnout Doctor · Theme by 17th Avenue